When your other half is not trying to lose weight...

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MaximM
MaximM Posts: 17
in Health and Weight Loss
So, I have been with my love for about a year. He's VERY MUCH into fitness and looking good. But, for the past few months he has let it go to the way side because he is in the process of moving and starting a new job. As long as he is healthy, I could care a less what he looks like. But, when we hang out it gets REALLY hard to stick to my calorie limit because he always wants to eat out and get treats.

I know it's up to me to say no. But, it's so difficult because I almost feel like I'm letting him down by eating healthy and not wanting partake. It sounds SO dumb to say that, but it's true. It is the same when going out with my girlfriends. I almost feel like I am letting them down if I don't partake in the drinking/eating because I don't want to be "not fun" or whatever.

Anyone else feel this way? Or, have an tips/suggestions?

Replies

  • carlxo21
    carlxo21 Posts: 143 Member
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    My SO is the same way. I have been with him for almost 4 years. He has never been healthy or fit in his life and is about 100 lbs overweight. He gets fast food a lot and buys yucky stuff at the store. No matter what I say or do, I can't convince him to change his eating or to work out.

    You just have to do what you know you should do. It's okay to have treats every once in a while, but you should really try to talk to him about it. Explain to him that you are trying to change your lifestyle and eating habits, and maybe he will join you. Suggest going out for healthier treats or even on walks together, maybe he'll like the idea
  • hungreeteacher17
    hungreeteacher17 Posts: 135 Member
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    I am so with you. I feel friends are offended when you don't eat & drink with them. Then my husband's idea of a good dinner is usually one that has more calories then I am allowed in a day! Certainly makes it more difficult when you feel that no one is supporting you.
  • promiseskept
    promiseskept Posts: 119
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    I can always find something 'unsalad' on the menu and there has been times that when I order and get a healthy meal that my friends wish they ordered what I did. I don't let it get to me. You are associating food with socializing. That's the issue. They could care what you order but you have a negative outlook on dieting. TThis is a life choice, make it fun to find food that fits in your cloric intake where ever you go. It gets kind of fun. Google menus before yoou go to the restaurant to get some ideas on what is a great choice for you.
  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
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    My husband is very fit, but eats a truly appalling amount of food. As a powerlifter who does competitions, he works out religiously, but eats in excess of 6000+ calories per day. It's tough to watch someone shovel food down their throat, and complain that they've lost when eating like a pig! Sometimes I want to strangle him.
  • traceybarbour
    traceybarbour Posts: 226 Member
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    yes i feel ya!! my hubby is a bodybuilder and when he is training it is great for me but off season which is most of the time he is a pig!! i do well at work but all goes to hell when i get home.. it is much easier when we are on the same page so i can relate big time!!
  • megz4987
    megz4987 Posts: 1,008 Member
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    No one's going to think you're boring if you dont eat the junk :)
    If that's what they want to eat... ok, you don't have to 'partake' in it. Everything doesn't have to revolve around food.

    You do you.
  • JatieKo621
    JatieKo621 Posts: 425 Member
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    I totally understand where you are coming from. My boyfriend of 3 years tried to do insanity with me (a long time ago) and got annoyed that I was better than he was and he quit, and now won't do any type of workout with me. He said I am too competitive and that it makes him feel bad, but I never tried to "out do" him.

    He also eats WHATEVER he wants, drinks coke all day, and doesn't really gain weight. Its hard because we've lived together for 2 years and whenever he grocery shops, he gets ice cream, chips, cheese-all the stuff I have to stay away from. I LOVE junk food and its so hard not to eat it when I open the cabinets.

    The way I cope is to by snacks that are tasty and not unhealthy-like hummus with carrots instead of pita chips or bread. That way when he pulls out his snacks I can pull out mine and once I have a bite of something healthy and tasty, I remember that healthy food doesn't always have to suck. I just make sure to have a lot of healthy options so that I don't get hungry and raid the cheetohs or blue bunny ice cream! :)

    Its hard-but I totally understand. I give myself a cheat meal a week and just workout extra hard that day so that I can enjoy going out to dinner with him and indulging in whatever I want. I also find that I make better choices when I work out everyday because I know how long it took to burn the calories, and sometimes i know it isn't worth it to blow 45 minutes of working out on one burger!

    Hope this helped some. Feel free to add me!
  • kylies1219
    kylies1219 Posts: 80 Member
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    I understand completely. If my husband wants to eat out or order in he always asks me what I want and if I say "nothing" or "don"t worry about me I'll find something here" or "I'll eat when we get home" it ends up being a huge argument because he doesn't want to eat/order alone and if I stick to my guns we argue the rest of the night because he wants his way so now if he wants fast food I use all my willpower and I mean ALL OF IT and get a salad (which is hard when looking at his double cheeseburger) or if he orders pizza or chinese I'll take like 2 bites and be "full" and eat something I make like a half hour later. It's kind of a waste of money that way but he usually eats my leftovers the next day or the dog gets a nice treat and we still get to enjoy our evening.
  • smrtcar
    smrtcar Posts: 104 Member
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    If I were in your shoes, I'd be looking to expand my circle of friends to include some folks that have a similar appreciation of fitness and healthy diet. Don't drop your fiends but make more, healthier friends...for yourself and your health.

    As for you SO, if he's healthy (not obese or heart attach candidate), encourage him to go on walks/runs/bike rides with you and EARN some of the fun calories.

    I'd find it VERY hard to be with someone who has such a divergeant point of view of health and mutual support than mine. Just my opinion. My SO and I encourage eachother, sometimes some gentle nagging, so much that we've collectively lost over 30 lbs. We have fun exercising together too.
  • sister_bear
    sister_bear Posts: 529 Member
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    Food is not love/acceptance. I know it sounds like a stupid statement, but it's something I have to remind myself sometimes.

    I have quite a few food allergies and digestive issues, so sometimes I fib and attribute my food choices or lack of participation in food choices on these problems.

    As for 'going out to eat' I think I've got a pretty good mastery on this. I've consolidated my tips/tricks in a blog. You can still have fun and hang out, but pass on the cheesecake and order smart. If people aren't supportive of your decisions, then I'm not sure I would want to be around them. I realize I'm spoiled though with the amount of support I've had.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/sister_bear/view/sister-s-tips-tricks-for-restaurants-124209
  • annmrie
    annmrie Posts: 38
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    My boyfriend has been with me for over a year, and thinks that I don't HAVE to lose weight (even though I was nearly 200lbs when I started). However, before being on this diet, every time I complained about my body he would say something like, "if your so unhappy with yourself, change it.." Naturally I took this as support so... Now that I am trying to lose weight he still thinks it's nice of him to bring me home a random, sugary treat. It's not like he is smearing unhealthy foods in my face; he is only trying to show that he loves me. Back when I wasn't trying to lose weight he was well rewarded for bringing said treats. Now that I am losing weight I feel guilty for saying "thank you, but I can't eat it today... not enough calories left." BUT to end that on a somewhat happy note I would also say something about how unhappy I was when I was eating whatever i felt like, and that now I am much happier (or at least more hopeful.)
  • lucythinmint
    lucythinmint Posts: 239
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    My husband used to be a Marine and in the best shape that anyone could be in. After our son was born he helped me to get my workout started and we were both loosing weight together.

    We moved cross country and he got really into his career and he began to not care about working out. In fact he lives to eat! He openly admits his passion for food though you don't need to ask now that he has expanded out of his entire closet. :D I love him and his weight makes no difference to me.
    I have continued my workouts and have progressed far beyond either one of us thought I would, physically that is. He sometimes gets annoyed with my changes and begs me to just "relax" and eat with him but he knows that this is my passion and does not pressure me to go back to our old eating habits.
    I do feel guilty sometimes, especially when we are out and I eat very little or take a while to order because I am looking for the healthiest choice.
    He helps me stay on track for the most part and when he does try to tempt me to the dark side I know it is only out of kindness that he offers me the 8 smores he just made in the microwave :noway:
  • dsckrc
    dsckrc Posts: 194 Member
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    i am totally on the same page. my hubby wants to go out to eat ALL THE TIME and before, that was fine with me, but now, i prefer to make my meals at home so i know exactly how many calories i'm consuming. it's amazing how much money you save by being calorie conscious. anyways, we usually just eat out once a weerk for him and i end up getting grilled chicken (i am NOT a salad or fish eater). i can tell you how the grilled chicken is at just about any DFW restaurant ;) so just go with the flow and stick to your guns.

    as far as my friends go... to be honest, i think they are jealous that i have the willpower NOT to drink sugary cocktails and fatty dinners while they are stuffing their faces. shhh...

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