Question for men.
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CryingBlue
Posts: 270 Member
How do I convince my husband to join me on this weight loss journey? He has always been patient with me being overweight, but now that I'm losing I want him to lose too. He has about 20 to lose, so not a huge amount. He is more motivated by a fitness goal than a number on the scale, but his job is sedatairy he has long days.
I don't want to hurt his feelings.
I don't want to hurt his feelings.
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Replies
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To be honest... maybe just watching your success will light a fire in him. If that doesn’t do the trick maybe starting to do things in the evenings and or on the weekends together that gets him up and moving more. Try to incorporate his likes to make it fun for him if possible? Creativity should do the trick. 20 pounds is just a number but being husband and wife has a much stronger connection than a number and a scale. I’m confident that you will figure it out. After all, you got his attention before... you’ll get it again!
Be well-5 -
He has to want to lose for himself. Not because you want him to.11
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Try to encourage without badgering him. It's tough sitting around all day then getting motivated to do anything. Maybe he'll see your success and change but if not, nothing changes, he's still the man you married2
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I can only speak for myself here. I was motivated to track my weight and eat well when I found an activity I really enjoyed. I started running and I got hooked! At the beginning I made great progress with my runs without thinking about nutrition. When my progress started to slow down, I began tracking my food intake.
I signed up as a member at my local YMCA. They have a lot of activities and sports that you can sign up for. One idea might be to sign up with your husband and try different activities to see if there is something you both enjoy doing together.3 -
Not a man, but I do have a husband who has joined me and lost 13 lbs so far. I challenged him to log his food and activity for a week and see how many calories he ate and how sedentary he was, and after that he joined me at the gym and running, and decided on his own to cut back on drinking Cokes.3
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I'm on the opposite end. I am the one really pushing and trying to get my wife more into fitness.1
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Who does the cooking?Is it possible to switch out a few healthier recipes and ingredients without too much fuss? Start gradually at first, and add more subtly?
Maybe start incorpoating more active togetherness time, like wandering shopping centers or downtown together, evening walks to just hang out and talk or a dance class together?
Otherwise talk to him honestly about your concerns, but maybe after a couple weeks of making sure he knows that you still find him very attractive, and that it is his health, not his appearance is what you are concerned about.
After that, don't push it. He's an adult, and it's ultimately upto him to decide if, when and how he wants to deal with his body.1 -
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^notreallychris wrote: »He has to want to lose for himself. Not because you want him to.
I reached my goal in 2011.
My wife said she wanted to lose based on my success, but didn't know how to set up her account. So, I set it up.
She bought a fancy, digital scale. I'm the only one who has used it.
I bought low-cal stuff that I know she likes, but the expiration date has come & gone. So, most was trashed.
Yes, she needs to lose, and I've love to see her lose.
She just doesn't "want to" enough to do it.
All I can do is refrain from nagging about it.
Maybe some day .........
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Lead by example. It might work but don't count on it.
You can likely make sure he does nothing by telling him.1 -
notreallychris wrote: »He has to want to lose for himself. Not because you want him to.
This is honestly the biggest thing. I've watched my wife drop 15 kg over the last year and she has been on my case for 6 months to do the same. I went skiing joined a gym etc but didn't really put in. Drop a kg put on 2 etc
Then the other weekend I just felt crap. Sore back out of breath sleepy etc. That was when I knew I had to do something for me.
My wife can tell the difference between this time and the other times
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I few years ago, my wife and I were both out of shape and overweight. I was totally fine with the situation...fat and happy...but she had had enough. She slowly started walking, running, and eventually lifting. Now she has a six pack, is in amazing condition and has talked about training for a bikini competition; it freaks people out that haven’t seen her in a few years.
She tried to get me involved in fitness but the more she pushed, the more I resisted. I also work many hours at a stressful office job. For me it was more about motivation rather than desire. It was so dang hard to get motivated at first.
Anyway, I ended up loosing about 40 pounds ( I slid back a little and need to step up to the plate again) and plan on loosing more. I’m on it! I thought I made the decision to start getting healthier on my own but later figured out that I was manipulated!!! Lol.
She has a masters degree in psychology and I think she “psyched” me! Her approach was to NOT push me in any way but let me see every day how much better she felt, how much more energy she had any generally how much more fulfillment she was getting out of life. There was a lot more to it than that but she led me in subtle ways rather than push me. Rather than tell me how out of shape I was, she would compliment me at every opportunity. Weird but it worked.
Also, she slowly started cooking healthier, buying healthier snacks, and cutting down on out take out. She did it so slowly that I didn’t even notice. She volunteered us to help with charity walkathons and Coach little league soccer and basketball. She even volunteered us to help organize and run a church kickball tournament. It was all subtle, under the radar type stuff. Eventually, I realized that I was watching others be active and have fun. I realized that being in “the game” is so much better than being on the sideline.
I probably would have been resistant (dang my macho pride!!) if she would have pushed me. Your husband has to want to do it but you can nudge that desire.
Good luck!!!
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You can't...2
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CryingBlue wrote: »How do I convince my husband to join me on this weight loss journey? He has always been patient with me being overweight, but now that I'm losing I want him to lose too. He has about 20 to lose, so not a huge amount. He is more motivated by a fitness goal than a number on the scale, but his job is sedatairy he has long days.
I don't want to hurt his feelings.
You don't.
He has to want to do it.2 -
Mine is never bothered with weight - but he does enjoy going to the gym with me.2
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CryingBlue wrote: »How do I convince my husband to join me on this weight loss journey? He has always been patient with me being overweight, but now that I'm losing I want him to lose too. He has about 20 to lose, so not a huge amount. He is more motivated by a fitness goal than a number on the scale, but his job is sedatairy he has long days.
I don't want to hurt his feelings.
Ask him to join you while you are doing a certain item.
One thing I truly miss about my ex is the workout videos he'd do with me or the gym time we had together.
It's a great bonding time.2 -
Echoing suggestions above, I'd make it more about eating better, in terms of food and food quality. Packing lunches is as much about budgeting as it is about diet. So is cooking at home vs eating out. My worst head space was feeling I "needed" to lose weight, and not owning it as something I wanted to do for myself. My wife has been very supportive with my changes, and didn't make a huge mention of my weight going up, other than as a health concern.2
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Offer to work out together as a fun thing, but don't push it. Work out for yourself; he's the only one who can decide to make changes to his own body. Would YOU like it if he were nagging you? The exceptions are: if it's causing problems in your relationship, you need to discuss it; also, if everything he wants to eat is unhealthy, you're going to need to figure out together how you're going to manage meals and shopping.1
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Thank you. These are all great suggestions and advice. I did get him to download this app and he has started to chart his food. It's a great start and I'm feeling really good about it.3
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do weekend athletic activities that you can both do together... rock climbing in the gym was pretty fun.
or whatever sport maybe?1
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