Desperate and need serious guidance and support.

justinejacksonm
justinejacksonm Posts: 75 Member
edited November 2024 in Health and Weight Loss
This is gonna be lengthy but I appreciate taking the time to read my story.

I've gained back pretty much all the weight it took 2-3 years of hard work to take off, after about 2 years of inability to get back on a regular routine and stick to it.

I started again in late spring after I lost my job and had time to devote to working out daily and was about 2 weeks in and doing great when I broke my foot. As I recovered though and found alternate ways to burn calories it seemed I was on the right track and in mid summer for whatever reason my weight gain suddenly and steadily snowballed.

I'm very devastated and feel defeated. In October I had to start working full-time at an Amazon fulfillment center and the hours are crazy long. I work from 7:30 in the morning till 6 at night and drive an hour to get home so there's no time to exercise anymore I have off one day a week and usually spend it doing all my chores that I can't do the rest of the week so hardly seems one workout a week is worth it plus I'm so tired. I thought when I started there the physical work the job involves would substitute working out and I'd actually be getting back in shape but I've gained even more weight maybe from the stress??

Here I am now right before Christmas totally depressed and my boyfriend doesn't really understand. He's of The Cutting calories will fix my problems and that because I'm on my feet working all day lifting heavy boxes ill get into great shape. I feel like it's doing is wearing my body down and burning off a little muscle I had left that took years to build.

I barely eat as it is, what should I do!???

Should be noted I'm a 33 year old female in 2011 to 2013 I managed to get in the best shape of my life after being in the worst shape of my life going from 145 down to 126 and I like 2013 it was just a series of things that got me derailed and never let me get back on track. The worst it got is about 2 years ago when I met my boyfriend and I started staying at his house for many months I had no workout routine and we spend a lot of time just sitting around drinking together now because he doesn't like when he gets home from work if I'm not all done working out and showering but that doesn't matter anymore because by the time I get home it's time to go to bed anyway.

Very very frustrated I cry everyday I feel horrible about myself. I look disgusting I feel disgusting I feel sexy and no way at all I don't even want to show myself to him anymore even though he tries to tell me off then that I have a great body and there's nothing wrong with it I know he's just trying to make me feel better. I feel like giving up.

Replies

  • jessiferrrb
    jessiferrrb Posts: 1,758 Member
    i'm really sorry you're struggling so much. i just wanted to ask a quick couple of follow up questions so people can give more precise advice. how tall are you and how many calories are you taking in? how are you logging them?
  • justinejacksonm
    justinejacksonm Posts: 75 Member
    Hi Jesse thank you so much for your response I'm 5'4" and I was tracking my calories on MyFitnessPal and Fitbit very carefully and making sure I was eating well-rounded diet. I was doing that and working out when I could until pretty much when I started working at Amazon in October it stopped working out entirely. In the November there was a week vacation in San Diego which I'm sure didn't help my plan was to work out a lot that week at the fitness center at the hotel but it didn't happen cuz I spent my time doing fun stuff and unfortunately a lot of guacamole and stuff was involved on my trip so I feel like I came back to work already on a bad foot.
  • justinejacksonm
    justinejacksonm Posts: 75 Member
    I have to mention I'm not trying to totally beat up my boyfriend he just doesn't get it. He's one of those people who's really skinny naturally and can eat whatever he wants and never gains weight.
  • MegaMooseEsq
    MegaMooseEsq Posts: 3,118 Member
    DebLaBounty wrote: »
    You say you're struggling to like yourself and you cry every day. You don't believe your boyfriend when he says you look good to him. I'm wondering whether you'd consider the possibility that you're depressed. You could take one day off from work as a sick day to be seen by a doctor. You're totally worth it.

    I agree. I know from experience that it's really easy to say that you'll be happy if you lose weight, but depression is a real thing and makes it insanely hard to do anything but feel bad, or feel nothing at all. Take care of that first and you may find you have a lot more energy to deal with everything else.
  • sexymamadraeger
    sexymamadraeger Posts: 239 Member
    Yah. You seem overwhelmed. I would find one thing to change that might make you feel more proactive and positive. For example, if you get a decent lunch break you could take a walk outside. That makes me feel so much better right away. The weight is not going to change much if you are feeling so stressed and defeated. You have to figure out how to change some habits into positive ones first. Then the weight comes off because you have a good balance.
  • DaintyWhisper
    DaintyWhisper Posts: 221 Member
    Aww, you shouldn't feel so bad about yourself. ): I bet you look just fine! Just because you can't do deliberate exercise in the gym doesn't mean you aren't exercising. Working in a warehouse definitely counts as exercise, just not in the traditional sense. You're walking a ton and lifting packages. That has to count for something. The thing I worry about is your calories. Are you still tracking them? I feel like you're so concerned about your lack of exercise and so depressed about your weight that maybe you're just eating whatever because you feel it doesn't matter anyway. I hope you can pull through this and get back on the track that will make you most happy! You've done it before and you can do it again. We're always here for you! ♡
  • middlehaitch
    middlehaitch Posts: 8,488 Member
    Concentrate on your calorie intake. All the exercise in the world won't help you lose weight if you are eating too much.

    Put your stats into MFP to lose a pound a week Buy a food scale, weigh and log everything you eat, measure liquids with measuring cups and spoons. Give it a month to 6 weeks to start seeing results.

    Go and talk to your doctor, you may benifit from counselling, you may also benefit from havering your blood work done to make sure there is nothing medical holding you back.

    Cheers, h.
  • cjfarborist
    cjfarborist Posts: 25 Member
    You told us what you did do but not what you do now. Are you still tracking calories? Weight loss is 80% in the kitchen. But no matter what your crying and beating yourself up is most likely dealing with emotional issues. I'm pretty sure that at 5'4" and 145 you aren't overweight or if you are it's slightly overweight. I agree with the others that have said you need to see a doctor.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    I do think you need to consider that depression is an issue.

    Also, gaining 20 lbs in a year only takes overeating by 200 calories per day. If you are not really paying attention, that is extremely easy to do. And if it took two years that's just 100 calories per day, which is even easier to do by accident. Do not beat yourself up over it.

    I think it would be good to sit down and regroup. Maybe sketch out a few meal templates so you have something like 3 possible breakfasts and 3 lunches that are easy to put together. You may want a few more possible dinners but my point is that you could make templates that are within the calorie range you need so it doesn't take as much effort to figure out what to have each day.
  • wefts
    wefts Posts: 183 Member
    edited December 2017
    Sending Hugs , the job sounds like plenty of exercise. control intake . and damn stop beating your self up at 145 lb you are not very heavy , slowly and healthfully take the extra few lbs of a little at a time 1400-1500 cal should give you a healthy slow loss and allow you to have a treat once in a while . It did not go back on in a day it will not come off in a day . but I am down 38 lbs just a bit at a time , remember even 8 oz off a week is 26 lbs in a year ! You can do this . Stick with the charting!
  • spiriteagle99
    spiriteagle99 Posts: 3,767 Member
    You aren't very overweight, if at all, but I understand feeling frustrated when you feel so out of control.

    I wouldn't worry too much about exercise, since you get plenty at work. Maybe on the weekends you can find time to do some fun stuff - go for a hike, go swimming, go climbing, go dancing, ski, etc.

    One thing you can control right now is what goes in your mouth. I know when you're tired and stressed it is all too easy to get fast food or junk food, but usually that doesn't really satisfy. You don't have to make that choice. There is a lot of healthy food that doesn't take much time to fix. If you are eating better, you will feel better, both emotionally and physically.
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
    The way you talk about yourself sounds like depression; depression voice sounds remarkably consistent from person to person, so once you know what it sounds like, it's easy to hear when that's going on.

    Weight is just weight. It's infinitely changeable. It doesn't say anything about whether you're a good person, or an attractive person, or worthy of love. If you've been slowly gaining, that means that you're eating a small amount over your maintenance. That's all it means.

    If I were you, I'd focus on two things right now: my calorie intake, and reducing my stress level. It sounds like you're under an incredible amount of stress and pressure, and that's going to make losing weight SO much harder. Aim to lose 0.5 pounds per week -- go slowly so you're not increasing your stress level by dropping your calories too low. Good luck, and I hope you can find a way to feel calmer and better about yourself.
  • duskyjewel
    duskyjewel Posts: 286 Member
    edited December 2017
    It sounds like you live with your boyfriend. (Sorry if I'm wrong about that.) What kind of work does he do? Is his schedule more amenable to shopping and doing food prep? Because it doesn't take a lot to buy healthy food and spend a few hours turning it into portioned meals that you both could take to work and eat at home. (Example: I recently spent a Sunday grocery shopping and then cooking for about 5 hours, but in that time I made three different lunch soups and two dinners for my family of 6 people. My husband and I are on the second week of eating those soups for lunch, plus we and the kids ate lunch on the leftovers of the dinners for several days.) If you only have one day off per week, I can understand how you don't want to do anything. I'm exhausted just imagining doing your job. Is it seasonal for the holidays? Or long term?
  • Good_Morning_Glory
    Good_Morning_Glory Posts: 226 Member
    edited December 2017
    I understand the stress of a physical job. At first I was excited thinking I’d lose weight. Then what with the stress and the fatigue, I gained twenty pounds. Mainly because I was so exhausted and worked so hard I decided I could eat whatever I wanted. Or didn’t care anymore because it was easier to eat fast food than stand on my feet for one second longer preparing a meal.

    I’ve also struggled with anxiety and depression. Self loathing. It waxes and wanes still. Therapy does help. Just the talking about it and learning coping skills.

    I agree with dropping rate of loss to .5 to 1 pound per week and getting a food scale. It was eye opening when I started using it. It seems as if you get enough activity.

    Blessing to you. I really hope you take these suggestions to heart. Because like it was said above, your weight doesn’t reflect beauty and grace.

    <3,
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