Avoiding Family Diet Sabotage

MISSNYA92 · December 2017

Hi Everyone!

I was wondering how you deal with family gatherings during the holidays when you’re dieting?

So far, I’ve been avoiding the sugary deliciousness at every social gathering this season, sometimes choosing to forego events all together because I’m sober and know there will be drinking. For the most part, my friends are understanding and supportive, but Im concerned about my family.

Coming from an obese family, we typically eat to bond and celebrate! Not piling up my plate is offensive to the women that made it! Typically, there are no uncooked vegetables, and all of them are typically in salt, butter, animal fats, cheese, gravy, etc.
The other part is, since everyone is very overweight, they say that’s what “real women” look like. Everyone in my family has struggled with diets at various times, but what I grew up hearing was healthy isn’t! I currently eat in a way they wouldn’t approve of, so I haven’t mentioned it.

Please share if you have any advice for me, or if you’ve experienced a similar situation with people dead set on making/keeping you fat!

Need2Exerc1se · December 2017

I don't know your family dynamics but in my family I'd simply say I don't want <whatever> or I don't want any more food thanks, I'm full. They might make a few comments but I'm an adult and make my own decisions so they'll get over it.

And just think, if they are ragging on you at least they are leaving someone else alone.

Aplant77 · December 2017

We have lots of food with our family gatherings as well. It's not good to avoid all gatherings - your lifestyle change should be something you can sustain for life! It takes self control. I enjoy the food but I make sure I take small portions of it. Or you can make sure you bring something that you want to eat and eat that instead. Who cares about what other people think you should be eating - it isn't their body or life. Same thing with the drinking - you can still go to an event and have a good time with friends and family and not consume alcohol. In fact, sometimes it's more fun to watch other people's drunken behavior and wake up the next morning feeling energetic and happy while others are miserable!

Hamsibian · December 2017

Don't bring up your diet in conversation, just use portion control. If they ask you if you want more, just say no thank you. Eat At maintenance if it will make things easier.

ladyhusker39 · December 2017

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Rosemary7391 · December 2017

Whenever I'm visiting I know that the food will be cooked according to their normal, not mine. Sometimes that's salad instead of my normal steamed veg, sometimes that's more like you describe. I take a small portion of things to try and make sure I compliment the host appropriately

even if I go over my calories, I can balance that out when I'm eating at home. It's worth it to maintain the relationships to me.

Lounmoun · December 2017

I don't see family very often so one or two occasions here and there of high calorie meals wouldn't be much of an issue. I would take a plate of reasonable portions. After that I would just say I was full not that I was dieting. If I had meals with them daily I'd probably have to explain more and be firm. My family has never been the type to tell people what to eat or how much though.

Ultimately you might have to just tell them to back off or you will leave if they won't take a polite refusal or are being rude about your body.

Jthanmyfitnesspal · December 2017

@MISSNYA92: Great post. This used to be an issue with my family as well! People are always trying to get each other to join them in excess!

We all turned around as we got older. Here's how it started: one person brought a sensible dish and told everyone it was for people who wanted a lighter meal (lower in salt, saturated fats, etc.). Example: I started making crust-less apple-cranberry pies for holiday gatherings. It's was good enough that now everyone asks for it (luckily, it's simple to make). This year, we didn't even finish the pies and ended up throwing a bunch of it out! (Gasp!)

Maybe this tactic work for you?

(It doesn't hurt to have some handy excuses, like: "Oh, it's delicious and I'd love to have more, but I'm trying to watch my <>?" For, me, it's my blood pressure. Another goal of mine is to get everyone to be a little active after a meal. Sometimes, I've just turned on the dance music during clean-up. It's way fun to see granny boogie!)

jsminer827 · December 2017

I have both extremes in my family... and by extremes I mean most all share a commonly crap diet. The extreme is the very overweight and the ones who eat lots of junk but never seem to gain weight. I make sure I bring a side that I know is friendly to the way that I eat and I literally have a bite or two of the other things available. Sometimes I get comments, sometimes I don't... but my typical approach is to complement the host and whoever brought each dish and if they comment on portions, I follow up with something like, "I'm leaving room for dessert!" I also usually offer to take the kids for a walk after the meal or play some sort of game to at least get some movement in rather than being comatose on the couch waiting for round 2.

Sunna_W · December 2017

Can you arrive late and leave early? Say you have overbooked yourself and need to have room for the next party.

nowine4me · December 2017

Bring something to contribute to the dinner that you’ll eat.

crazykatlady820 · December 2017

I like the idea stated above that "I'm watching my (insert whatever here)." For me it would be sugar because I'm prediabetic. It seems like a good way to shut the conversation/comments down. My family is a "real women have curves" kind of family too, but I don't see them arguing that real women have diabetes.

cwolfman13 · December 2017

When I get together with family, we eat...but those are occasions, not everyday occurrences. I enjoyed Thanksgiving very much...I had an early Christmas dinner with my family last night as my wife and I and the kids will be away for actual Christmas...it was excellent...they were two meals out of an entire month...pretty insignificant.

lorrpb · December 2017

I'm sorry you have this situation. There is good advice above. My added suggestion is to shift your outlook about them "sabatoging" you. Sabatoge is intent to cause you to fail or harm you. They don't seem to be doing that. They're just doing what they always do. It's just another challenge on your journey. A more balanced outlook might help you find the mental strength to deal with this.

DebLaBounty · December 2017

Don't stay home! Go to the events and celebrations. Learn to make a special salad and bring it with you, or some kind of yummy vegetable casserole. Buy one of those huge vegetable party platters everyone can eat, or create your own and pile it onto a pretty dish. Take a six-pack of nonalcoholic beverages you like and offer to share them with anyone who wants some. Eat small portions like you have already learned to do, and fill up all those empty spaces on your plate with the food you brought. Laugh off any snarky comments. Remember, they're not the boss of you.

canadjineh · December 2017

Put a little bit of everything on your plate, chop it up and move it around with your fork, as you eat the healthier stuff you brought and put on your plate too. If you mush it around and spread it on your plate you can just dump it out later. Old kids trick for not eating detested veggies, lol. Bwahahahah!

FattieBabs · December 2017

I have a similar problem with an over-generous family! I love oatbran and porridge so tend to have a good breakfast and then am tempted to eat less over the family lunch. I have tried not having breakfast and therefore increasing my cal allowance but find that makes me hungry and then I overdo it. Also drink plenty of water to help curb your appetite. Alternatively follow some of the advice above and set at maintenance, that way you mitigate the damage! Good luck...

eyezblu00 · December 2017

We live in a time where some people criticize you if you do not have the same thought process or have the same mind-set as they do. Go to these gatherings and you be you!! Family can be our toughest critics. Get a good Workout in the morning of, if there are some items that you are okay with eating a small portion of then eat it but nothing more. You do not owe anyone an explanation as to why you chose the life style you chose! Stick those shoulders out and let the comments roll on down, don't respond because some times that is our best defence, they will soon move onto a new topic.

kristingjertsen · December 2017

Eat a light low sugar meal with lots of fiber and protein a few hours before the family get together. That will help you control your cravings during the family meal. Put some food on your plate, take bites of the stuff you love, and ignore the rest. Make sure you enjoy your favorite dessert option and praise the cooking to the sky. Do not talk about your diet. If someone tries to send you home with lots of leftover goodies to eat later, you can either say "I am so stuffed I can't even look at food right now" or take the gift with thanks for the intended good will and throw it in the nearest trash can after you leave. If you have family get togethers in a restaurant, plan ahead. For example, my family loves Chinese buffet, which is difficult to eat when you are trying to lose weight. My "rule of thumb" is to fill one plate with veggie sides, a spoonful of rice, and a few favorite meats and then go back for one plate of dessert (fresh or canned fruit and maybe some jello).

kenyonhaff · December 2017

Go in realizing that this just might be one of those situations in which you are likely not to be able to be successful on a "normal" day, and one day of going over your calories isn't actually a big deal. It's hard to log accurately not knowing what's in the recipes, hard to log portions accurately, etc. The best you can do is just be mindful of portions.

Your job is not to convince your family to eat healthy. You don't have to tell them you're on a diet, and frankly it's none of their concern. Just don't bring the topic up. You don't have to go there. If you've lost enough weight for it to be obvious, simply acknowledge it and try to shift the conversation to Aunt's Maria's latest surgery or something. Bring some family-friendly entertainment like Apples to Apples if your family needs something to divert their attention.

Other miscellaneous tips:

*Bring some low/no cal beverages or drink a lot of water. It helps to have a beverage in hand to avoid snacking or having others push more beverages on you.

* If possible, do a good workout. It reduces stress and gives more calories for you to play with.

* Most plain-ish meats (roast turkey, roast beef, fish, etc.) are actually quite diet friendly.

* Beware anything in white sauce. Often (although not always) this indicates lots of cream.

* If something is really, really good ENJOY THE HECK OUT OF IT.

bisonpitcher · December 2017

I eat everything I want, but I restrict it to 1 plate so my portions are small and I log everything. Went to 3 Thanksgiving dinners and lost almost 3 lbs that week. Plan on doing the same for Christmas.

Ardael · December 2017

Hi there ! My family gatherings are like yours. And God forbid you offend anyone by refusing one bite is a situation all too common as well. And on my husbands side the drinking is quite the issue as well. My survival is like this :

- I exercise before the gathering to create my calorie deficit and I drink a lot of water which keeps me fuller.
- I bring a dish too, usually a salad with the dressing ( which I won't eat) to the side so because I came with a way to ruin it they're happy with it.
- I talk with a fork in my hand. And talk as much as possible. If you're talking you can't eat at the same time but because you are holding a fork everybody thinks you are.
- I don't mention the diet because it makes some jealous and some others uncomfortable and no mention of exercise either for that matter.
- I sit closer to the kitchen door so I can help with clearing the table, getting things, etc so I can get up and walk ( which also interrupts my eating) without anyone really noticing/ caring. Also gives me kudos for being a wonderful daughter in law.
- I sip my alcoholic drink and keep talking as much as possible so it looks like my mouth is too busy for beverages. And I have poured some of my wine into flower pots/sink/other people's glasses etc. when no one is looking. The trick is to empty enough that they think you drank it but not too much that they feel like you need a refill.
- Or I just say that I'm driving and just can't drink too much if at all.
- If they want to give me left overs most of the time I accept, put them someplace safe and deliberately forget them there. If that doesn't work it goes in the bin. But I hate waste so I try not to do that if I can.
- After the meal I usually offer to distract the kids with dancing / some sort of active play / even video games like the WII or I launch singing rounds ( my in laws are Irish so I have that part cut out for me ), same again if you're singing you can't eat or drink at the same time. And after you're done grab a glass of water for your trouble and it'll go smoothly.
- if you can have someone on your side it makes it smoother. I don't know if you have such a person in with you for this but it helps me making some of the before mentioned moves less obvious.

Hope that helps !

Avoiding Family Diet Sabotage

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