I need you

You should also let that man leave. He sounds very unkind and you deserve better.

I suspect, from your username, you have the munchies a lot? Maybe you could start there.

Don't let his honesty devastate you. Use it constructively. Also, did he really word it that way? Or are you letting your emotional distress kind of take on new wording? The other day my boyfriend said that since putting on my weight he found me a little less attractive. If i wanted, i could also say he said i was getting too fat.. but i took his honesty with appreciation, he is letting me know that things are starting to get out of control now.. its hard to watch someone we care about seem like they don't care about themselves..

I think just about everyone here has come to a place at least somewhat similar to where you are now... not sure how to proceed, but knowing you need to do something. I know I sure did.

Do you want to lose weight?

The truth is, you can lose weight without exercising. You can lose weight while continuing to eat a Twinkie every day or eat chocolate chip cookies or drink two glasses of wine every night. What losing weight means is simply that you are going to consume less calories than you burn over time. It is important that you and your boyfriend understand this because he's going to be a primary support system for you.

I don't know how much you have to lose or what your goals are beyond just being less fat... but it's going to take time and it's going to mess with your mind. I still struggle with seeing the fat girl in the mirror and I'm 62 pounds lighter than my heaviest weight, down 48 pounds since mid-June. I would recommend just about everyone finds a good counselor to talk things through. I don't think I have any major mental health issues, but sometimes the perspective of someone outside is the ticket to re-framing expectations. For you that might be your boyfriend's position on you losing weight or it might be uncovering the reason why you've "always been fat" or why you can't "stick to a diet."

If you want to lose weight, it's not about some magic cure - you have to be able to eat the food you love because it's the only way you're going to change your lifestyle. It's about getting up and moving even when you want to be a slug because you know you'll feel better afterwards. It's about taking yourself to a doctor to rule out any metabolic or hormonal issues that could impede your progress. It's about adjusting your expectations and learning about food and caloric density.

I too was diagnosed with PCOS. I also had endometrial hyperplasia which I ignored for several years because hey, who likes getting their period every month? (I'm being hugely sarcastic... I know I was playing with fire!) Turns out, there were pre-cancerous cells in there... glad I got my *schtuff* together when I did because my story could have a very different ending... I don't say that to scare you or anyone else, but you can't continue to abuse your body and expect good things to happen.

So... I'm 5'4" tall. This morning I weighed in at 173.2 pounds. I consume around 1,400 calories a day which follows a setting in mfp to create a deficit of 3,500 calories a week so that I can lose a pound without doing anything more than my sedentary day job. Truth is that I move more than that, I do go to the gym 3-4 times a week and I focus on strength training and cardio plus I chase my kids around. I usually lose about 1.5 to 2 pounds a week. Also, on the days I go to the gym, I usually add 180 calories back in the form of a protein shake. I still eat chocolate chip cookies sometimes. I love chocolate covered granola bars. I had eggnog a few weeks ago. I still eat everything, I just pick and choose when so that I'm in control.

I also know now that I had to give a few things up completely because they triggered my tendency to binge eat. I was never a regular soda drinker, but I could put away a 2-liter bottle of diet coke a day... the sweetness in the diet coke always made me hungry even though drinking it didn't cause a spike in my blood sugar. I also know I cannot eat pasta that I don't prepare because I can only make a single serving of it, otherwise I will consume every bite of that meal and every piece of bread and every other carb I can get my hands on in the vicinity if I am at a restaurant.

If you're serious about this, I'll offer a few tips:

1.) Pre-log your whole day... that way you know if you have anything leftover for snacks and/or you don't end up at dinner with 200 calories available and a growling stomach. If you look at my diary you'll see some not so good days and you'll also see a string of really good days... I take each day as it comes, some turn out better than others. Don't beat yourself up. Tomorrow is a new day.
2.) Willpower is easier in the morning and harder at night... if I leave too many choices to the end of the day (like if I don't decide in advance what I'm eating), I tend to make choices I wouldn't have otherwise. I don't like to call them bad choices, but they are choices... you are in control of your diet. And I don't mean diet as in cutting calories to the point of misery. I mean we each have a diet... it's what we eat. Period.
3.) Track every bite of every food you put in your mouth. You just have to commit to it, even when it looks bad... and when it comes to the entries on mfp, use your best guess if you don't have a nutrition label available. I usually scan a number of entries and pick the one in the middle to try and stay true when I don't really know the exact proportions or ingredients. Your body isn't going to stop losing weight because you go a calorie over, it's all about time... and that's what makes this hard! If you are at home or have the label, make sure you're recording the amount you consumed.
4.) When it comes to consumption, weighing your food is the best idea. It won't be necessary at first, when you have a lot of weight to lose... but as you go you'll experience plateaus and as you get closer to a healthy weight, you'll have less room for error... I weigh just about everything now unless it is pre-packaged (like a protein bar for example) and if I can't weigh it, I'm probably out and have to make a guess...

I could probably think of more tips, but this response is already quite lengthy! There are lots of people here who are more knowledgeable than me and who will be able to help more than I can. But I think I'm pretty average. When I started I didn't know what I was doing so I read a lot of interesting threads. This is quite a community. Figure out what you can do and don't allow yourself to make excuses for why you can't or for why you slipped up. Accept it, move on... we are all human. We need to give ourselves grace - you deserve it as much as I do. Add me if you like, I'll happily cheer you on.

Good luck on your journey - remember, it starts with a single step.