How to find motivation?

I am a 56 year old female - 57 in April. I am short at 5 ft. 1 1/2 inches so at 182.8 that I weighed in this morning I am quite over weight. A year ago I had a 99% blockage in my widow maker and a stent put in. I've been in a denial mode every sense. I'd lost 36 pounds the year before and since the stent have gained it all back. If a near heart attack doesn't convince me what will? I'm very unmotivated at the time and chalk that up to the denial. I was put on about 8 different meds and still get chest discomfort even walking around the block - which also un-motivates me. I recently went in for my one year check up and they want me to do a 48 hour heart monitor, which I did but have not gotten the results back yet and a sleep study in the next couple weeks. My cholesterol and tri's are high as are my blood sugars. I work way too much and my stress level is high. Next January will be my 10 year anniversary so I'd like to loose some weight for that and also in 2019 will be my 40 year class reunion so a couple long term goals. Short term - I want to feel good and I don't. I'm tired all the time. I'm sure the extra weight is the cause of my medical issues and fatigue but for whatever reason - I imagine self worth from years of a low self esteem - I can't convince myself I need to loose the weight and keep it off once and for all. I've done this roller coaster of loosing the same 30-40 pounds every other year my whole life and never reach my true weight goal. Thanks for listening...