Obese Child, Separate Homes

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  • gogetemrogue
    gogetemrogue Posts: 80 Member
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    Commenting on your daughter's weight can make her more likely to be fat as an adult. The article cites a study that is behind a paywall, but it would seem the gist is that women who recall their parents being more critical of their weight were both more likely to have a higher BMI and higher levels of dissatisfaction with their weight. Proceed with caution, even if only mentioning the weight to her father, as he might relay what was said to your daughter or discuss it within earshot of her.

    Others in this thread have discussed modeling healthy habits and getting her involved in active hobbies, which I will fully endorse.
  • whosshe
    whosshe Posts: 597 Member
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    roguepsyche wrote: »
    Commenting on your daughter's weight can make her more likely to be fat as an adult. The article cites a study that is behind a paywall, but it would seem the gist is that women who recall their parents being more critical of their weight were both more likely to have a higher BMI and higher levels of dissatisfaction with their weight. Proceed with caution, even if only mentioning the weight to her father, as he might relay what was said to your daughter or discuss it within earshot of her.

    Others in this thread have discussed modeling healthy habits and getting her involved in active hobbies, which I will fully endorse.

    Trust me I know. I make sure to never bring up her weight if she's around. My parents brought up my weight a lot when I was a child and well, here I am. The only reason I know her weight is because she loves to hop on my bathroom scale. She doesn't even know what the numbers mean.

    I'm definitely going to look into some sort of sport.
  • Iseulte
    Iseulte Posts: 55 Member
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    When my oldest son's weight began trending in the wrong direction, I began to get him involved in the meal planning process. We made a game out of trying new healthy foods and now he has reached a healthier weight and does the research on his own for fun. He even does a good deal of the cooking now that he is a teenager! Your daughter is the right age to enjoy helping you plan nutritious meals. Most kids tend to share the things they think are fun, so she may carry that with her to her father's house.
  • animatorswearbras
    animatorswearbras Posts: 1,001 Member
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    As for the chocolate, candy and sugary drinks thing you could maybe say you're worried about her getting tooth decay and you'd prefer if she only had water for most of her beverages and limited access to candy and cookies etc. ;D

    I do think you need to have a word though she's not old enough to turn down junk as you say and obesity comes with alot of health problems, it is hard to find the most diplomatic route but its not just about him he's making his daughter unhealthy so his feelings and inevitable self reflection take second place.

    I would take her to the doctor get the medical and then text him saying you were admonished by the doctor that your daughter is obese and he's compelled you to work together to get her to a healthy weight without telling your daughter she's obese but educating her about healthy food and the importance of exercise. I do think a third party authority figure is the best way though as he can't blame you for medical advice you've been compelled to share. ;)
  • 0305bp
    0305bp Posts: 20 Member
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    Something else as she gets a bit older is actually being responsible for a dinner a week. That is something she can take to her dads house as well. They likely do a lot of fast food because it's easy and available, once she is old enough to meal prep she will have more control.

    At her current age you can definitely get her involved in some of the fun shopping aspect. If you have farmers markets or ethic markets with local or exotic fruits or veggies you can get her excited about trying new things. You can even order dragon fruit, star fruit, kumquats, persimmons, etc on-line and taste them together and bring them to gatherings as a special treat. If you make fruits and veggies exciting and something to be explored, shared, and savored, that excitement is contagious.
  • youngmomtaz
    youngmomtaz Posts: 1,075 Member
    edited January 2018
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    I wonder if it would be helpful to make an appt with your daughters doc for you and your ex to attend without your daughter? Maybe they could shed some light on better food choices and activity goals for someone her age and in turn help your ex see that it is an issue that is not so hard to deal with and can be done with small changes fairly easily. Hugs to you, this can’t be an easy situation.

    ETA: yup, I should read before posting. Already suggested I see.
  • toxikon
    toxikon Posts: 2,384 Member
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    eliciaobrien1 wrote: »
    roguepsyche wrote: »
    Commenting on your daughter's weight can make her more likely to be fat as an adult. The article cites a study that is behind a paywall, but it would seem the gist is that women who recall their parents being more critical of their weight were both more likely to have a higher BMI and higher levels of dissatisfaction with their weight. Proceed with caution, even if only mentioning the weight to her father, as he might relay what was said to your daughter or discuss it within earshot of her.

    Others in this thread have discussed modeling healthy habits and getting her involved in active hobbies, which I will fully endorse.

    Trust me I know. I make sure to never bring up her weight if she's around. My parents brought up my weight a lot when I was a child and well, here I am. The only reason I know her weight is because she loves to hop on my bathroom scale. She doesn't even know what the numbers mean.

    I'm definitely going to look into some sort of sport.

    You sound like a great mom, good luck. I'm sure many of us have experiences with a parent (or parental figure) saying something not-so-nice about our bodies and us holding onto those insecurities for a long time. It's tough being an overweight kid, that's for sure!
  • apullum
    apullum Posts: 4,838 Member
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    I like the idea of encouraging your daughter to take up any sort of physical activity that she enjoys. Maybe that's joining a sports team, or doing more active things with you. It sounds like a good way to teach the importance of exercise without making it directly weight-related. You can talk with her about all of the other benefits of being active.

    I was a fat kid and I hated exercise, probably because gym class was a nightmare--other kids made fun of me, the gym teachers shamed me. My family also did not do any sort of physical activity. By the time my mom started suggesting that I might like to join a sports team, I had already decided that sports were not for me. If you can make exercise fun for her at a young age, that would help in so many ways throughout her life.
  • whosshe
    whosshe Posts: 597 Member
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    apullum wrote: »
    I like the idea of encouraging your daughter to take up any sort of physical activity that she enjoys. Maybe that's joining a sports team, or doing more active things with you. It sounds like a good way to teach the importance of exercise without making it directly weight-related. You can talk with her about all of the other benefits of being active.

    I was a fat kid and I hated exercise, probably because gym class was a nightmare--other kids made fun of me, the gym teachers shamed me. My family also did not do any sort of physical activity. By the time my mom started suggesting that I might like to join a sports team, I had already decided that sports were not for me. If you can make exercise fun for her at a young age, that would help in so many ways throughout her life.

    That sounds like me to a T.

    I'm trying to be more active with her. I've already done more activities with her in her 6 years of life than my parents ever did with me. We love camping/hiking, I just took her out to shovel with me and we're going to go sledding soon. I still don't enjoy physical activity as much as I might have if I was put into sports as a kid. I would hate for that to happen to my daughter. I missed out on a lot and got into a lot of trouble because of it.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,771 Member
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    I haven't read all the responses, but maybe enroll your daughter is sports/dance/play activities to encourage increased activity and exercise.
  • middlehaitch
    middlehaitch Posts: 8,484 Member
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    A lot of people have suggested sport or other organized activities. If you look into this make sure you ex is into taking her to those classes/practices too. I can't think of any that are alternate week.

    As far as a sport, you may find a martial art would suit, to start with, as she is working with other children, but not competing against them.

    My GS (7yo) is small for his age and this has really helped with his confidence, team sports always had him lagging behind.

    Unfortunately, unless there is an opportunity to sit with your ex and work on a 1-5 year parenting plan, you are just going to have to continue leading by example.

    Cheers, h.

  • whosshe
    whosshe Posts: 597 Member
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    middlehaitch wrote: »
    A lot of people have suggested sport or other organized activities. If you look into this make sure you ex is into taking her to those classes/practices too. I can't think of any that are alternate week.

    As far as a sport, you may find a martial art would suit, to start with, as she is working with other children, but not competing against them.

    My GS (7yo) is small for his age and this has really helped with his confidence, team sports always had him lagging behind.

    Unfortunately, unless there is an opportunity to sit with your ex and work on a 1-5 year parenting plan, you are just going to have to continue leading by example.

    Cheers, h.

    Thanks so much! I was thinking a martial art. I'm definitely going to look into it :smile:
  • Debra_LMB
    Debra_LMB Posts: 42 Member
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    whosshe wrote: »
    middlehaitch wrote: »
    A lot of people have suggested sport or other organized activities. If you look into this make sure you ex is into taking her to those classes/practices too. I can't think of any that are alternate week.

    As far as a sport, you may find a martial art would suit, to start with, as she is working with other children, but not competing against them.

    My GS (7yo) is small for his age and this has really helped with his confidence, team sports always had him lagging behind.

    Unfortunately, unless there is an opportunity to sit with your ex and work on a 1-5 year parenting plan, you are just going to have to continue leading by example.

    Cheers, h.

    Thanks so much! I was thinking a martial art. I'm definitely going to look into it :smile:


    My 6-year old granddaughter loves her Martial Arts classes and she takes a lot of pride in earning the different belts. I believe she takes them at a neighborhood recreational complex for little or no expense, except for maybe her uniform. You may also want to consider something like Girl Scouts, they can help build healthy habits and self-esteem, too.

    "Good luck" from another who suffered with childhood obesity and low self-esteem.

    Debra

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