My Journey

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dlyeates
dlyeates Posts: 875 Member
in Introduce Yourself
My journey is not pretty. And its a road that I don't like being on.

Let's be real....I have issues with food. As a therapist I'm introspective enough to know where they come from. From a mother who gained a whole LOT of weight after she quit smoking and projected it on me, being put on my first diet at 13 because I was fat, being told that if I didn't lose weight I would never date or get married, and being raised in an environment that used food as reward/punishment. I'm also a bored/emotional/stress eater....snacking is a part of my life.

Now I know I need to put my big girl panties on and stop blaming my mom for everything but it's the root and earliest beginning of my issues. And she's the biggest source of stress in my life!!!

I've been married almost 10 years to the love of my life, a man who decides to lose 10 lbs and does it in a month by switching to DIET soda.....no other changes. A man who is 6'6" and I've always been teased in my family for being the short one at 5'4". A man who I truly believe is God's gift to me for surviving high school. A man who is so cute and gorgeous that I think "mismatch" when I think of him and me together--not just height but looks, I believe he's way better looking than I deserve (he says the same about me!!!). A man who has made me stronger, helped me find my own voice, been my rock and made me such a better person!!!! Can you tell I still love him?!?!

But my weight loss journey continues and continues. I was on every diet imaginable in high school because I was "fat", I was in sports and graduated weighing 117# and just under 5'4". In college I did gain weight but it went straight to my chest and I started getting noticed by boys....but I still thought I was fat and ate that way and now I've become fat!!!

2 kids have destroyed my body and I started this journey having only lost 1/2 of the baby weight from my daughter who is 15 months old. At 197. I hate to admit that number but if I'm not honest I won't be successful.

My goal is 150#s. I know for my height I should be way less but I need to start somewhere!!! I'm going to try to keep up with MFP because I need to be honest and most times journals don't work for me because I lie to myself and others when I've been bad. So here I am, trying to be honest and trying to get healthy for my kids, my husband and most of all MYSELF!!! Welcome to the mess that is me!!!

Replies

  • KatScarberry
    KatScarberry Posts: 40 Member
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    It's amazing how similar our stories are in a lot of ways... you are in the right place & will find tons of incentive & supoort around here!!! I wish you much success on your journey & please feel free to add me as a friend if you need a cheerleader to root you on!!!

    Nowhere to go but DOWN from here - down on the scale, that is!!! :bigsmile:

    Take care & welcome to MFP!!!




    Kat
  • McSnoozle
    McSnoozle Posts: 24 Member
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    As a therapist you probably know you've first got to love yourself! Love you right now ... for all the pounds that helped bring babies to life, the pounds that for better or worse came to help you cope, the pounds that shelter you from .... being hurt.

    I played a game of denial for many years, up and down, and giving up, and telling myself I didn't care. Until I reached a point where I did care, and I wanted to care, and a friend mentioned MFP.

    Be kind to you in your journey; do your best when you can and when you can't, give yourself a hug and know you'll pick back up tomorrow.

    SMALL steps. This has been my big change. If you put cream in your coffee, try 2 percent milk. Learn to enjoy 1 instead of 2 ... of all the stuff that doesn't love you. Think 2 pound losses instead of 50. (That way you'll have many opportunities to celebrate!)

    Think of this as a wonderful journey --- not one of deprivation or punishment, but one of great kindness to yourself!

    I have only lost 12 pounds, but I am so proud of me. I have at least 25 more to go, and now I know how I have the patience and resolve to make it happen, slowly, deliberately, mindfully.

    I wish the same for you!
  • KatScarberry
    KatScarberry Posts: 40 Member
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    Thank you so much! What great words of wisdom. I think that's been the hardest thing for me this whole time, loving myself. When I was in high school, just like you, I was overweight & terrorized by fellow classmates. It was awful. However, my sophomore year I started losing a LOT of weight (which was put on also because of some of my mother's issues and poor eating habits I picked up from her). I didn't do it the right way though - I pretty much starved myself but I ended up getting myself down to 92 lbs (I'm only 4 11 so this isn't really that unrealistic of a weight). I put so much emphasis on my weight, it became who I was. It was this way up until I had my babies (who are now almost 3 and 5). I weighed 110 lbs when I became pregnant with my daughter, and by the time I actually gave birth to both kids I had gotten myself up to 170 lbs. Which, for 4 11, is insanely overweight. I lost all self esteem and had (or should I say have) a lot of issues with picking up all that weight - the one thing I said I would NEVER do again. Even though I know that my spouse & my friends love me for who I am - to me I'm still that girl in high school who is judged by her weight. I know I shouldn't think that way - but it's engrained in me.

    But the GOOD news is that I've gone from 170 lbs down to 137 lbs, so I'm definitely on the rigth track. Still have a ways to go, but I feel day by day I'm getting myself back. I just found this website this week and it's been such a wonderful tool to keep me on track with not only what I'm eating but my exercising. I hope you'll find it as valuable as I do!!!

    From this point forward I am going to look at this as my journey - my journey to get back to who I know I can be and a journey to make me stronger in general. Thank you so much - have a great day!!! :O)




    Kat
  • Laurieann137
    Laurieann137 Posts: 95 Member
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    dlyeates-you knew me when I was 110 and my heightest weight was 178...after kid #3! I am only 5'1" and that is a lot of weight for that height! I am now down to 156 but still have a ways to go! We can do this together! This site is great and when you journal, it works! I also have a friend on here that we do a weight check in every Monday, Wednesday and Friday! It's funny that we tend to go up and down together. We call ourselves the Yo-yo-mamas! lol! I know people say not to weigh in that much but for us it keeps us accountable EVERYDAY not just right before a weekly weigh in. Out of all the things i have tried and all the gyms I have gone to there was one phrase that has stuck with me and I remind myself of it all the time "WHAT YOU EAT IN PRIVATE YOU WEAR IN PUBLIC"! That has helped me resist some temptations! There is no magic cure, it's just eating right and exercise. If you follow this site and journal it WILL work! I was on WW when I lost my weight and it was the same kind of thing. I just need to resist temptations! Stay strong and you know you can contact me anytime you feel you are about to give into cravings!! :)
  • dlyeates
    dlyeates Posts: 875 Member
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    lnoelke.......I love that saying and just printed it up to hang on my fridge!!! I also exercised on my elliptical even though I don't know where the plug is and it wasn't on.....I could still get myself moving!!!!:tongue:

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