Third time is a charm

Hi, I'm not necessarily new to MFP, been signed up fo a few months. But what is new, is me opening myself up to let others come view my progress.

I've lost weight before, but always been big. When I was 25 to 26 I lost 55 pounds, down to 305 at the lowest. Then I gained over two years all the way back up to 405, exceeding my original high.

Then I lost all the way down to 300 again, then jumped back up to around 355.

Those times when I was losing weight, I wasn't doing it for myself. I was doing it because I wanted to win someon that I had lost back, or I thought it was the only way society would accept me, or because it was the only way I could attract someone. But deep down, I didn't like me. I still have an issue with not liking me, and it's still having a major impact on my life. Except I only realized this a couple weeks ago, thanks to someone important to me. It was not the best way to realize, but at least I see it now. Without loving me, and without doing right for me, I am unable to do the same for anyone else, which is why I keep running the pattern I've been in.

So I'm trying something different. I've opened up my flaws slowly on facebook with real friends, and now I'm opening up to invite anyone who would like on MFP to be part of my journey.

This is the first time I'm actually doing this for me. It did take unfortunately going through pain, and realizing that my self image does in fact impact and can be hurtful to those I care about in order to get here, but I'm here. Do I wish it was earlier, yes. But, life is not over until you take that last breathe. Every waking moment is truly an opportunity to change for the better, so that's my agenda now.

I do have a post I want to share about finding the will and energy to make the right choices and finding time for even the smallest workout when you travel a great deal, but I will save that for another day.

Looking forward to getting to know or share with anyone on here who is willing. I currently have faith in myself, and even though I know it's hard and every day its a struggle to wake up and stay positive, I am taking the steps to turn my life around. So why not join me for the ride, I have just as much faith in all of you