Resolutioner Season

bendyourkneekatie wrote: »

I find this concept of not judging so peculiar, and dishonest. People judge. We all judge all the time. It's how we behave that matters, not whatever fleeting unkind thoughts that may flit through our heads, or private petty annoyances we may grumble silently about.

I judge people at the gym. It's something to do while I'm running on the treadmill and today's podcast is a bit dull and I'm planning on running for 90 minutes and I'm bored. I think of it as people watching but of course I'm judging cos that's what people do. But I also don't really care about these people and my thoughts on them are fleeting and then I'm onto the next thing in my head...

Good point. For better or worse, I'll admit I do this - when I'm heading to the gym or down to my favorite park for a run and I really don't much feel like doing it, I'll see some 300-pounder trundling down the street munching on an ice cream cone with his gut hanging halfway to his knees over his belt, and I'll grin and think to myself "Yep, thaaaaat's why I do this."

Of course, I could be way out in left field. That 300-pounder might have been a 400-pounder a year ago, and he might be walking home after spending an hour working out and that ice cream may be the only treat he's allowed himself this entire week while religiously sticking to a calorie deficit in an effort to lose that weight that he knows is unhealthy for him. He might be fighting a more difficult battle and working harder than I have ever had to in an effort to better himself. Or maybe not. I don't know.

And of course that fleeting thought is entirely in my own head and I would never think of saying it out loud - or laughing at him or doing anything insulting, because that's not how I roll. I was a fatty at one point too and it would have hurt me, and I don't like to hurt other people. That ain't how I was raised and it ain't right. Trundle on bro, we're good. Oh, and thanks for the inspiration.

Either way, a quarter mile down the road I don't remember ice cream cone dude anymore anyway, because I'm thinking about how much I really don't feel like doing this workout today, and how I need to get the oil changed in my car pretty soon, and when is payday coming, isn't it here yet? And oh yeah, I need to stop and get milk but if I do it now it will sit in the car and get warm, but if I do it afterward I'm going to be all sweaty and gross when I walk in the store. And I really don't feel like doing this workout today.

So ice cream cone dude never even knows I silently judged him and now I've forgotten about him anyway and my thoughts about whether I stop for milk now or later and how I really don't feel like doing this workout today are interrupted by the scrawny kid in his twenties with green hair and a neckbeard and a safety pin through his nose riding his skateboard across the street in front of me. I'm thinking it's 10:00 am on a Tuesday and he should really cut his hair and shave that scruffy neckbeard off and pull the stupid safety pin out of his nose and get a job, and then he wouldn't be out here almost getting creamed in an intersection riding a skateboard if he was at work like he should be instead. And aren't you a little too old to be riding a skateboard around? If you had a job, you could have a car like anybody else, how about getting with the program?

Another block down the street and green-hair neckbeard sk8r boi is ancient history and I'm wondering if this freaking radio station is going to play any freaking songs or just commercials all day....and screw the milk, I probably have enough left at home to last until tomorrow. And don't forget tonight is trash night. And damn, I really, really don't feel like doing this workout, I'm just not into it today.

Yeah, I judged those people. But they never even knew it happened and I won't remember them or think about them beyond those fleeting moments because I've got my own stuff going on. That oil in my car isn't going to change itself and I really hope I remember to take the trash out when I get home. And I'm gonna get this workout done if it kills me - and the way I feel right now, it just might.

bendyourkneekatie wrote: »

My psychologist taught me a great thing to combat my social anxiety: no one is really thinking that much about you. How much do you think about other people, like, *really* think about them? Compared to how much you think about yourself? Cos everyone else is just the same.

Another good point. Regardless of where we are on the social anxiety scale, I think most of us (people in general) are guilty of thinking that other people think about us a lot more than they actually do. We're the center focus of our own lives, so we tend to project that we're the center focus of everybody else's lives too.

As it relates to the gym, I'm pretty comfortable in a gym environment. I've been in a lot of them over a lot of years, I know where the weights and machines are and how to use them, and I know what my workout is going to be before I ever set foot in the door. I'm no Greek god, but I guess I'm in decent enough shape for a guy my age - probably better than 90% of the 55-year old guys walking around. Yet I still catch myself thinking that the two big meatheads over there deadlifting four plates are probably laughing at my poverty bench press - or that 5-foot-nothing little girl who just breezed effortlessly past me at mile 2 of a run like I was standing still is probably snickering at what a turtle I am and wondering why I'm running instead of over there at the bocce ball courts with all the other old farts. When in reality, neither of those things probably just happened and in fact they probably didn't even notice me because they've got their own stuff going on and I don't even register on their Richter scale. And even if they did just judge me, I never knew it happened - and 30 seconds from now they'll have moved on and forgotten all about it just like I forgot about ice cream cone dude and green-hair neckbeard sk8r boi.