It's like Groundhog Day without the piano lessons
BABetter1
Posts: 618 Member
Well, here I go again. Over the years, this site has brought a pattern into clear view for me and made it easy to examine in detail. January, I get it in gear and restart the diet and exercise. By spring, I'm a diet-tracking/weight-losing machine. I do well all through the spring and summer, often losing 30 - 50 lbs (about half way to goal). Then fall arrives in all its crisp, colorful harvest glory. And life seems to get extra busy again with the kids going back to school. And the cooler weather and fall activities just makes me want to eat and bake, both things I enjoy and love sharing with my family. Fast forward to January, and I find I've regained everything (and sometimes a bit extra). The holidays are over, school activities drop off, and I start over . . . . again. And, unfortunately, knowing about the cycle has not helped me break the cycle. So, goal weight and the oft dreamt of "maintenance" are truly beginning to feel like unattainable goals for me.
This site, exercise, calorie-tracking, talking and writing about diet and exercise . . . . it feels like a hobby that I get bored with, or too busy for, every fall. Losing weight and regaining it is starting to seem like my past-time and I've been doing it for several years now. I'm getting older, and the effects of obesity on my health are gradually starting to surface. I could easily become a full-blown diabetic like my father. And even this knowledge does not seem to be enough incentive, apparently, for me to stay on track. Anybody else experience this and just feel frustrated . . . . with themselves? Are you still struggling with it, or did you have a light bulb moment and somehow break the cycle? If so, what was your light bulb moment?
This site, exercise, calorie-tracking, talking and writing about diet and exercise . . . . it feels like a hobby that I get bored with, or too busy for, every fall. Losing weight and regaining it is starting to seem like my past-time and I've been doing it for several years now. I'm getting older, and the effects of obesity on my health are gradually starting to surface. I could easily become a full-blown diabetic like my father. And even this knowledge does not seem to be enough incentive, apparently, for me to stay on track. Anybody else experience this and just feel frustrated . . . . with themselves? Are you still struggling with it, or did you have a light bulb moment and somehow break the cycle? If so, what was your light bulb moment?
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Replies
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Crickets up in here . . . . .1
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Maybe that's a way of saying it, "a hobby that I get bored with". A project I didn't finish. A character trait I must consciously attempt to change.2
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JeromeBarry1 wrote: »Maybe that's a way of saying it, "a hobby that I get bored with". A project I didn't finish. A character trait I must consciously attempt to change.
Please explain further. I am desperate for any insight that can be offered.0 -
Maybe I'm asking an unanswerable question . . . . and if I knew the answer, I'd be a gajillionaire.0
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Try reading "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg. It's very interesting and enlightening. I've learned so much about habits, how they work, how they can be changed, etc.
It takes work and it takes time, but once you realize the concept and understand that you DO have control over your habits it is very empowering.2 -
I watched Groundhog day recently
.. good film
You need to break the cycle. Why undo all your hard work by letting things slide? Keep logging your meals...keep moving doing something regardless of winter - try a YouTube workout e.g. it takes wanting something badly enough to keep our focus. Surely it must be a nightmare having two wardrobes: one for fat clothes, one for thin? Make this year different. You'll be so glad you did.
All the best.1 -
Ok. I keep coming back. Groundhog’s Day I guess.
So have I got this? You work 8 months and lose 40 lbs, then eat for 4 months and gain 40? Not easy. Just my observation. People involved in weight loss who are strongly attached to baked goods travel a hard road. I can satisfy my sweet tooth with about 1/2 a Hersey,s Dark chocolate bar or 1/2 cup LF ice cream for 100 calories, maybe a bit less. But cookies, cake, banana bread? I can scarf down 350 calories while I’m deciding what I want to eat.
What’s the process behind deciding to quit tracking? Too busy? By fall you likely know most of the numbers. A lot of days I could track in less time than it takes to brush my teeth. Bored? Bored with respect to weight loss bugs me. Bored is an idea. People say they get bored with what they eat. Funny, I used to eat pizza about 8 meals per week, never got bored with that.
Maybe this. Maybe when fall rolls around you don’t like what your journal is telling you. Because according to your post, it’s telling you you’re eating thousands of calories over your target week after week for months. So maybe it’s just easier to ditch it.
My lightbulb moment. I weighed 285 lbs, I had high BP, a CPAP, debilitating back pain, a seemingly permanent cough and 2 little kids. My dad was diabetic too. Then one day it occurred to me that a stroke was more likely than just dropping dead. Any way I looked at it things looked bad or worse. I got scared and stayed scared. I didn’t get involved in regaining much because I was not at all sure I could muster the energy to lose the weight a second time.1 -
Thank you both. I will check on that book. I mean it sounds like common sense, but it doesn't feel that way. I know the pattern, and I know WHEN (in the year) it happens because of the years of data on MFP. But, I don't know exactly HOW it happens or the exact moment it happens, and it would be wonderful if Mr. Duhigg has some deeper insight. And yes, it is very frustrating having two wardrobes taking up space in my closet. One year I made the mistake of getting rid of my fat clothes because I was never going to be that size again . . . and once I'd replaced them all at great expense, I decided I'd better hold on to them in future. So, I have totes in my closet for seasons and sizes. I feel like a hamster with a wheel.1
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Instead of going into it whole hog, ultra focused, and treating it like a hobby, try approaching it with the aim of life long sustainability.
Small changes.
You have outlined your yearly cycle quite well. The weight gain happens every fall and is helped along with your love of baking. Just because you are baking doesn't mean you have to eat everything, or eat nothing. Eat an amount that fits in with your calorie goals. If you have done a zucchini loaf and choc chip cookies, choose 1. Have the other the next day.
Lovely hearty roasts and stews with home made bread. Use the recipe builder and eat the apropriate portion.
You may find summer you can do a 1.5lbs a week loss, but in winter you are better with a smaller deficit or eating at maintenance.
If it is the on-line logging they gets thrown by the wayside come autumn, know your portion sizes and aproximate calorie values of what you eat. That way you can just keep a running list on the kitchen counter of your daily cals, or weigh your portion but not worry about logging, or just wing it knowing you will have to keep a really good eye on the portions- having pic on your phone of your most popular meals plated for serving comparisons would work.
As far as exercise goes, find something that is sustainable year round, walking is the obvious one, then add in seasonal.
I spend a lot of time in the garden in the spring/summer so don't go to the gym as much, but in the autumn/winter I make sure I have a structured exercise plan up until the new year, then another for the new year until April.
I also know I don't like exercise very much, just the benefits, so I only plan for 1hr x 5 a week plus a nice walk most day.
I like looking at gardens so I walk different neighbourhoods and parks at a nice pace so I don't think of it as exercise.
You have recognized where you fail, build a plan around the seasons that is simple and sustainable.
Cheers, h.
(I have been in maintenance 8 years and my approach changes with the seasons. Many successful people on here change things up season to season, and even accept a 5-10 lbs gain over the winter knowing that they will drop it once the weather warms up and they can get outside)2 -
RunRutheeRun wrote: »Surely it must be a nightmare having two wardrobes: one for fat clothes, one for thin?
As I lost weight over the past two years, I steadily discarded the wardrobe 2 sizes bigger. As I gained in the past quarter, I became uncomfortably tight in the 1 bigger size I had left. That's not exactly a nightmare, but the discomfort made me awaken to the facts.
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Ok. I keep coming back. Groundhog’s Day I guess.
So have I got this? You work 8 months and lose 40 lbs, then eat for 4 months and gain 40? Not easy. Just my observation. People involved in weight loss who are strongly attached to baked goods travel a hard road. I can satisfy my sweet tooth with about 1/2 a Hersey,s Dark chocolate bar or 1/2 cup LF ice cream for 100 calories, maybe a bit less. But cookies, cake, banana bread? I can scarf down 350 calories while I’m deciding what I want to eat.
What’s the process behind deciding to quit tracking? Too busy? By fall you likely know most of the numbers. A lot of days I could track in less time than it takes to brush my teeth. Bored? Bored with respect to weight loss bugs me. Bored is an idea. People say they get bored with what they eat. Funny, I used to eat pizza about 8 meals per week, never got bored with that.
Maybe this. Maybe when fall rolls around you don’t like what your journal is telling you. Because according to your post, it’s telling you you’re eating thousands of calories over your target week after week for months. So maybe it’s just easier to ditch it.
My lightbulb moment. I weighed 285 lbs, I had high BP, a CPAP, debilitating back pain, a seemingly permanent cough and 2 little kids. My dad was diabetic too. Then one day it occurred to me that a stroke was more likely than just dropping dead. Any way I looked at it things looked bad or worse. I got scared and stayed scared. I didn’t get involved in regaining much because I was not at all sure I could must the energy to lose the weight a second time.
8 month/ 4 month, probably not that strict of a time frame, but ok. And yes, I am overeating a lot when I overeat. I have always been able to "put away the groceries" so to speak, even when I was thin. No, not too busy to track. Usually too busy to meal plan and prep, take-out meals becomes much more frequent. Bored, well not exactly. I meant that as a figure of speech. It feels like a hobby (that was the important part) that I get bored with because I never quit completely, and always pick it back up again when I have more time. I never got bored with losing weight. Although, now that you mention it, it does lose some of it's excitement as the weight loss slows down and gets tougher. Hmmmm. Well that's food for thought.1 -
middlehaitch wrote: »You may find summer you can do a 1.5lbs a week loss, but in winter you are better with a smaller deficit or eating at maintenance.
What a lovely suggestion
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'I know the pattern, and I know WHEN (in the year) it happens because of the years of data on MFP. But, I don't know exactly HOW it happens or the exact moment it happens,'
Plan for it to happen, don't wait for it to happen.
If take-out happens because of time constraints and lack of planning, try to do some rough planning.
I don't have the weeks menu on hand when I shop, I buy the basics in fresh veg so I always have a reasonable selection in the fridge, and protein for a few days. My pantry always has tinned tomatoes, coconut milk, pasta, rice, herbs, spices and other basics that are replaced when used so I can cook on the fly.
If I am on the ball I will prep a slow cooker meal the night before, if time has run away with me I am going to start hauling out the Instant Pot where the same meal can be done in 40min.
If the day is normal it is grill or bake a protein, prep a variety of veg, and add a starch.
That is me, find a way that will work for you. It may be a bit more work than you want in the beginning, but once you have your plan it is there to implement every year and will become your new, no stress, norm.
Cheers, h.1 -
I seem to want different foods seasonally. Maybe you could plan fall menus now while you have the bandwidth and energy for it? Maybe in the fall you plan that you will have more eating out but you have "go to" foods you can eat already figured out?
It does seem like you might not have developed good habits around eating out (maybe the rest of the year you just don't do it?) and need to spend time planning what those might be.0 -
I find it really hard to stay on track once the daylight hours get shorter and it’s cold outside. I love the idea of just eating at maintenance for a while and coming out in the spring no smaller or bigger than before!0
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I've experienced a similar seasonal pattern since my college days (not that long ago, but enough to know my pattern). As middlehaitch says, now that you know your pattern, don't wait for it to happen. Be open to changes to your routine, such as planning your way through the Holiday season deliberately to maintain.
2017 was a crazy year for me, as my wife and I welcomed twins into the world in late January. I then got ultra motivated to change my body, not be complacent and accept a Dad bod, and worked hard to lose the gross flab I'd been happy to carry for years. I did it, too. What I didn't do was plan for how my primary calorie burner (cycling) would fall off precipitously when Fall hit. Unfortunately I let my lack of planning produce complacency in my day to day habits, which resulted in regaining much of what I lost in the Spring, in a 2-month period. Suck.
My solution now is to be more deliberate around the weeks and months that are particular challenges. My wife and I joined forces to stay on track through the month of December, and both of us maintained successfully through the toughest 4 weeks of the year. That in and of itself was a major accomplishment for me.
Are you a goal-oriented person? When I say goal, I don't mean "lose X pounds by X date", I mean do you like having specific goals like fitting into a nice outfit, or doing a popular local fitness event(for me it's cycling, I love it and use local group rides as motivation). One thing that helps me is to identify quarterly goals, and make realistic plans for how to achieve them. Then take a long look at my life calendar and identify days or weeks that could potentially trip me up, and make plans for each that allow leeway for enjoyment while still working towards the goals.
Lastly, don't look at each Loss+Gain cycle as outright failures. Instead look at them as learning experiences, and really do look at each situation you encountered for lessons you can apply in the present and future.0 -
I'm wondering if you don't go crazy bananas when you start at the beginning of the year so by the time fall rolls around you're burned out on the whole process. The changes of fall become the perfect excuse to stop and you go crazy bananas in the other direction. Sort of a feast and famine cycle so to speak.
Maybe if you went easier and slower with your plan you wouldn't experience such wide swings through the year and could maintain something closer to a reasonable cycle where you cut in the winter/spring/summer and maintain through the fall/holidays.
Just something to chew on.1 -
@joshuak30, it is funny that you are a cyclist. When I referred to others on the site that accept a 5-10 lbs increase over the winter, knowing that it would drop when the weather warmed up, I was thinking of a couple of the successful maintainers that post frequently and are cyclist.
Congrats on your success.
@pineapple_jojo the nice thing about setting yourself to maintenance is that you can choose to eat under it occasionally and maybe come through the winter a couple of pounds down.
Cheers, h.1 -
Echoing what a couple others have said:
1) Start with smaller changes. Going all out all at once for a period of time obviously isn't working. The changes aren't becoming a part of your life. "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
2) If fall gets busy, then PLAN on a slower loss or just go into maintenance. This is to avoid the "all or nothing" cycle you're in, but still allowing you a little more freedom.
3) If you can make some small changes "habit" and normal, those little things may help you make more changes. Something as simple as not drinking soda at work was one for me. I keep fizzy water or regular water after my (planned) morning coffee. It's a change I maintain regardless of any other things going on in my life, and there's absolutely ZERO excuses for not keeping it up. Find some similar changes you can make for yourself.
4) Plan on being busy. Start coming up with things you can buy that are quick and easy to make at home, and keep them on hand so going through the drive-thru isn't so appealing. It's probably faster to heat something up at home as it is go to fast food as long as you have something you can just toss in the oven with no prep.
5) When you do cook during the busy season, cook extra and freeze so you have meals ready to reheat. I do this regularly as my schedule is insane, and that can be a lifesaver on busy, tiring days! Even with a family, it's not that much more work to make 2 casseroles instead of 1 (as an example).
6) Plan your eating out. If there is a day during the week when you know you'll be tired and just want "easy" then plan that into your week. So, for example, Friday is eat-out day, so the rest of the week you know that day is coming and you can relax that night (rather than not having a plan and just going with how you feel).
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I’m a yo-yo dieter. There, I said it.
I started at 15 years old and every 3 to 5 years I will lose and then gain 50, 60 or 70 lbs.
I’m down again 51 lbs. I want to lose 14 more to be “normal”.
I’m 51 and sick of the cycle and not being able to wear the same clothes two years in a row. I am determined to figure out why I go back to my old ways and gain back all the weight I worked so hard to lose. This is what I have learned about myself and maybe these will get you thinking about yourself and what’s going on:
1. I’m at an extreme weight for me before I get motivated to really start again and stick to it. I’m not just 10 or 20 lbs heavier, I have to get miserable at 60lbsor more overweight.
2. I didn’t really plan for maintenance, I figure it will take care of itself when I finally get there. I’m not doing that this time. I’ve thought about how I can maintain this lifestyle the entire journey.
3. The closer I am to the goal, the slower and harder it is for the weight to come off, hence more effort. It can take so much effort to get it off fast that it’s exhausting and give up. This time I told myself it takes the time it takes, but in a year I will probably be 50 lbs lighter.
4. After all that work, I still don’t love the way I look. It’s not possible to lose enough weight to love my body, so I give up. I have decided I have to ignore those thoughts A LOT! I’m much healthier and can walk many, many miles without getting exhausted and I can buy normal sized clothes and they fit nice.
5. My life really doesn’t change that much after the initial excitement of losing weight. So, why work so hard?
7. My number one reason is that I am an emotional eater. I eat to silence that pain that’s down in my stomach when I’m upset. But that only works for a few minutes and the pain is back and I eat some more. Yea, pain is still there. Now I’ve started to talk about how I feel and actually feeling it instead of trying to silence it with food. It’s helping a lot. When I felt upset or sad or anxious I would binge at night on thousands of calories. Before I started the journey this time I was doing it every night, that’s why I gained. Then I started losing weight and I was binging once a week, but logging the calories so the binges stopped sooner. I’ve made an effort to not do the “all or nothing” method of dieting. If I go over one meal it doesn’t mean the entire day or week is blown. Now I haven’t binged for a couple of months. I hope I am healing because I’ve recognized my actual problems with food and myself. We will see.7 -
Some said this on another board and I immediately thought of you BABetter1 -
You can’t find time or make time, you have to allocate it.1 -
Try reading "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg. It's very interesting and enlightening. I've learned so much about habits, how they work, how they can be changed, etc.
It takes work and it takes time, but once you realize the concept and understand that you DO have control over your habits it is very empowering.
I downloaded this book last night. I also downloaded the audio, but honestly, the narrator's nasally voice is grating. But the book! Wow, fascinating so far! Thanks so much for that.0 -
ITUSGirl51 wrote: »I’m a yo-yo dieter. There, I said it.
I started at 15 years old and every 3 to 5 years I will lose and then gain 50, 60 or 70 lbs.
I’m down again 51 lbs. I want to lose 14 more to be “normal”.
I’m 51 and sick of the cycle and not being able to wear the same clothes two years in a row. I am determined to figure out why I go back to my old ways and gain back all the weight I worked so hard to lose. This is what I have learned about myself and maybe these will get you thinking about yourself and what’s going on:
1. I’m at an extreme weight for me before I get motivated to really start again and stick to it. I’m not just 10 or 20 lbs heavier, I have to get miserable at 60lbsor more overweight.
2. I didn’t really plan for maintenance, I figure it will take care of itself when I finally get there. I’m not doing that this time. I’ve thought about how I can maintain this lifestyle the entire journey.
3. The closer I am to the goal, the slower and harder it is for the weight to come off, hence more effort. It can take so much effort to get it off fast that it’s exhausting and give up. This time I told myself it takes the time it takes, but in a year I will probably be 50 lbs lighter.
4. After all that work, I still don’t love the way I look. It’s not possible to lose enough weight to love my body, so I give up. I have decided I have to ignore those thoughts A LOT! I’m much healthier and can walk many, many miles without getting exhausted and I can buy normal sized clothes and they fit nice.
5. My life really doesn’t change that much after the initial excitement of losing weight. So, why work so hard?
7. My number one reason is that I am an emotional eater. I eat to silence that pain that’s down in my stomach when I’m upset. But that only works for a few minutes and the pain is back and I eat some more. Yea, pain is still there. Now I’ve started to talk about how I feel and actually feeling it instead of trying to silence it with food. It’s helping a lot. When I felt upset or sad or anxious I would binge at night on thousands of calories. Before I started the journey this time I was doing it every night, that’s why I gained. Then I started losing weight and I was binging once a week, but logging the calories so the binges stopped sooner. I’ve made an effort to not do the “all or nothing” method of dieting. If I go over one meal it doesn’t mean the entire day or week is blown. Now I haven’t binged for a couple of months. I hope I am healing because I’ve recognized my actual problems with food and myself. We will see.
Your story sounds very, very similar to mine, with the exception of #7. Well, yes I actually am an emotional eater, as well. But I am a very happy person and don't feel emotional "pain" per se (not since I divorced my previous husband more than 11 years ago). I'm more likely to eat when I'm feeling particularly happy and enjoying time with people I love. All the family gatherings growing up centered around food. And, many happy times were had with family that included great traditional foods and lots of it. And I love to cook and feed wonderful delicious comfort food and baked goods to my family. When hubby and I got together and really settled into our relationship, we both got "fat and happy". Anyway, that is not to say that your approach in #7 wouldn't work just as well for "happy" eating as for "sad". And by the way, the book that was recommended by BZAH10 might be of great interest to you as well. I've not gotten very far into it, but it has been eye opening so far.0 -
I feel your pain. I worked really hard to lose almost 30 pounds in 7 months (my 40th bday in July) and then my mom had a massive stroke and I've gained every pound back in less than 4 months. I feel and look like dog doo...but it's hard to make time to take care of yourself when you're driving 8 hours mid-week to take care of mom, and working, and a mother to a 6 year old. Ugg. I feel kinda bad complaining but omg....it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now.1
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