A new me

Hi all! I am trying this again for the millionth time. Maybe if I am still trying though I have not failed. I know I need to lose weight, it stares at me each year during metabolic testing when my waist says 40” year after year and my jeans turn into leggings and my size 12’s have long been packed away in Tupperware for 14’s and 16’s... I feel it when I run and my shins hurt and I feel it in the shower when my c section scarred belly just looks unbearably.... squishy and round. I feel it in my confidence and it’s lack there of some days. I feel it this year when our marriage was in a bad spot and a part of me thought ... did I perhaps somehow aggravate this with my lack of motivation in the fitness department? No.. but yes perhaps being kind to myself needs to happen. Trying harder, conquering goals, mastering insecurities and not giving up- those things will do me good and I am just not ready to say this is it just yet but I am weak mostly which is why I’m here. I want to be stronger like you and free of this and healthier and happier and motivated and I want to say I did it not that I tried. I want to accomplish something.