"I didn't want to offend you"

MichhhB
MichhhB Posts: 3
edited September 30 in Health and Weight Loss
I come here because there is no one else I can talk to about this. I'm 19 years old- and I recently lost 70 pounds using MyFitnessPal. I'm totally happy with my weight loss. At 5 foot 6 inches and 136 pounds, I finally feel great! When I hit 140, I switched myself to "maintenance", and ate the recommended 1700 calories/day. In the past few weeks, I've somehow managed to lose 4lbs, so I am continuing to up my calories until I find that balance. However, people are making comments about how I look "anorexic" and "have no boobs". Is that really something that is socially acceptable to say to anyone? When I was 210 lbs, and had a BMI of 33, I was putting myself at risk for so many health issues- no one seemed to be concerned then. I never had a "wow, your waist is so LARGE..have you ever thought about what would happen if you got diabetes?" or anything along those lines.

I have done my research, I have indulged throughout my journey as every other person should. I worked my butt off to feel happy with myself, and now, all I hear from my significant other is how "concerned" people are with my weight loss. I have a BMI of 22. When using the children BMI calculator, as I should, I am in the 51st percentile. What exactly am I missing here?

Why do I feel as though people are constantly asking me to prove that I eat as much as I do? I am constantly eating small meals, whenever I'm hungry. I practice moderation as a way to maintain this healthy lifestyle change. Yes, I weigh most of my foods and count calories. I've lost and gained weight back before. I remember what happened when I stopped counting.

I guess my major question.. my motive for posting this is to ask if maybe I'm being unreasonable in thinking that I'm healthy while everyone else labels me "anorexic". If these degrading comments will ever stop. If maybe, I should see my doctor to prove I am healthy to everyone else. I never thought it would come down to this- having to endure comments about the way I physically look "like bones"..

Any input would be appreciated. And don't be afraid to offend or knock some sense into me- I feel like the people close to me asking me to prove to them I eat what I say I do is as offensive as it gets. However, my mom has not asked to see- she has a BMI of 21.6. Oh, and no one ever tells me brother he looks anorexic with his BMI of 22.2. Thanks guys, in advance..
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Replies

  • 40lbslighter
    40lbslighter Posts: 479 Member
    Are the comments coming from strangers too? Or mostly people who also knew you at 210 lbs? If it's th latter, it's probably that their minds cannot process the change in your appearance.

    5' 6" 136 lbs sounds very healthy to me.
  • milaxx
    milaxx Posts: 1,122 Member
    Be a Honey badger.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg

    Seriously it sounds like you are doing things the correct way. Stop letting other peoples issues get to you.
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
    Wow. As I read your post, I felt like I could have written it (or close to it).

    I am 5'4" and I'm currently at 145lbs. I have people tell me all the time that I'm too thin, too skinny, look unhealthy, etc. I even had a woman at work ask me how much weight I was going to lose and am I sick? Because people are worried that I'm ill because I look "sickly". I have a healthy BMI now and I'm happy with what I see in the mirror. I am, honestly, on the high end of the weight charts but really? I ignore charts and even BMI. I focus on how I feel and how I look in the mirror.

    I have had people on this website send me messages and basically accuse me of lying about how much I eat in a day (I net between 2200-2500 calories a day). I've had people say a lot of very cruel things to me as I've gotten thinner.

    Like you, I want to know where these people were when I was 203lbs and heading for a heart attack with my eating habits. I don't see that any of them gave a hoot then - why be critical of me now? I'm healthy. I'm happy. I love me again.

    What is wrong with being thin? I ask myself this quite often because I am starting to feel like it is a crime to be thin in today's society. Are we just so accustomed to obesity that we fail to see thin people as "normal" and think they are sickly?
  • antijen
    antijen Posts: 112 Member
    You aren't the one who needs sense knocked into them. You're fine! You're doing great actually! Congratulations on the weight loss!

    I really don't know why people do this. It's not as though skinniness is the major health issue of the day, but it seems that people see it as a big threat. For some reason it's still okay to comment on skinny people and call them poor role models, etc.
  • STARSHINE1975
    STARSHINE1975 Posts: 168 Member
    I could be way off track here, so feel free to ignore what I say...

    I find people who down play other people's success do so because they are insecure with themselves. They knock people down when they feel good about themselves. Your significant other might be hearing from other people that you are looking slimmer and therefore "hot" and he might be feeling a bit insecure. Reassure everyone that you are eating healthy foods and your body is adjusting appropriately. Then tell them how great you feel now that you are not carrying around all of that extra weight.

    You are doing great, don't let others get you down.
  • RayRay042408
    RayRay042408 Posts: 47
    were you always on the heavier side??? if so, maybe these people are just having a hard time adjusting their depth perception from where you used to be to where you are now?? 136lbs is NOT too skinny for a 5'6" frame. I am 5'6" and before i let myself go while pregnant... i weighed 135, and looking at my sister, who is a mirror image of me.. same height. same weight. same body structure... it is NOT too skinny. its perfect. im sure your skin needs time to tone up... if there's to much, it could require surgery to tighten it up.. but i highly doubt it... i started my journey on here at 201 lbs. i am down to 190, and struggling... but give it some time... you are the only person who matters in your journey... if you KNOW that you're eating enough and you truely arent starving yourself... dont worry about what anyone else has to ssay :)
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,027 Member
    I come here because there is no one else I can talk to about this. I'm 19 years old- and I recently lost 70 pounds using MyFitnessPal. I'm totally happy with my weight loss. At 5 foot 6 inches and 136 pounds, I finally feel great! When I hit 140, I switched myself to "maintenance", and ate the recommended 1700 calories/day. In the past few weeks, I've somehow managed to lose 4lbs, so I am continuing to up my calories until I find that balance. However, people are making comments about how I look "anorexic" and "have no boobs". Is that really something that is socially acceptable to say to anyone? When I was 210 lbs, and had a BMI of 33, I was putting myself at risk for so many health issues- no one seemed to be concerned then. I never had a "wow, your waist is so LARGE..have you ever thought about what would happen if you got diabetes?" or anything along those lines.

    I have done my research, I have indulged throughout my journey as every other person should. I worked my butt off to feel happy with myself, and now, all I hear from my significant other is how "concerned" people are with my weight loss. I have a BMI of 22. When using the children BMI calculator, as I should, I am in the 51st percentile. What exactly am I missing here?

    Why do I feel as though people are constantly asking me to prove that I eat as much as I do? I am constantly eating small meals, whenever I'm hungry. I practice moderation as a way to maintain this healthy lifestyle change. Yes, I weigh most of my foods and count calories. I've lost and gained weight back before. I remember what happened when I stopped counting.

    I guess my major question.. my motive for posting this is to ask if maybe I'm being unreasonable in thinking that I'm healthy while everyone else labels me "anorexic". If these degrading comments will ever stop. If maybe, I should see my doctor to prove I am healthy to everyone else. I never thought it would come down to this- having to endure comments about the way I physically look "like bones"..

    Any input would be appreciated. And don't be afraid to offend or knock some sense into me- I feel like the people close to me asking me to prove to them I eat what I say I do is as offensive as it gets. However, my mom has not asked to see- she has a BMI of 21.6. Oh, and no one ever tells me brother he looks anorexic with his BMI of 22.2. Thanks guys, in advance..
    In the "real" world, whether you really think so or not, many "close" friends don't really want to see you succeed. And if you do it's because of an odd circumstance. Part of the reason some of these stupid reality shows are so popular is because people get to see how messed up some people really are and it makes them feel better about themselves.
    They may tell you "you look great", but inside it eats at them because they feel they are good as you but don't get the same results. Again, it's not all close friends, but some.
  • SmashleeWpg
    SmashleeWpg Posts: 567 Member
    It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and have gone about your weight loss in a smart, reasonable manner. 136 at 5'6" sounds healthy to me! You should be proud of your amazing accomplishment, and disregard negative comments from people who obviously don't have your health in mind, especially if they knew you when you were overweight and unhealthy and neglected to say anything.

    When others lose weight, people who have weight issues or problems of their own can go all kinds of crazy, so I say ignore the naysayers, as long as you know you're being healthy and you feel good, that's what is important! Congratulations on the loss, and keep up the maintenance :)
  • thegymbunny
    thegymbunny Posts: 602 Member
    You are healthy and have taken control of your body.
    Don't let others judgement bother you. I find it so odd how we are in a society so quick to judge ANY weight. We simply don't know the issues involved.

    Be PROUD of yourself and what you have accomplished. Your blood, sweat, and hard work have earned it.

    People saying "I don't want to offend you" to me is a BS copout way of saying "I'm going to be an A-hole, I know it...but I don't give a $*&% so I'm gonna do it anyway".
  • sabrinag6005
    sabrinag6005 Posts: 14
    first of all GREAT job on the weight loss, it's very inspiring to see it actually can be done! Thats a huge number. My guess is that as you've lost the weight and with your height ppl didn't expect you to be as successful as you've been. i'd imagine being that tall you do look thinner especially compared to where you started. I'd ignore the negative comments and keep doing what works for you, surround yourself w positive people and those who build you up. The other thing that comes to mind is not everyone can handle your WL. Maybe jealousy or insecurity, etc. But if your being healthy and taking care of your body physically you should be proud and skip the "hater's"... What I wldn't give to be in your shoes!
  • natersmama
    natersmama Posts: 157
    if you feel healthy and good in your skin, then let the comments roll. you sound like you're at a very good weight for your height. and sometimes ppl dont feel good unless they're being negative toward someone else. instead of saying awesome job on your weight loss, they make you feel bad to losing it. so i say ef them, and be happy in your new skin! =) i bet you look amazing!!
  • Gilbrod
    Gilbrod Posts: 1,216 Member
    I've learned that people are sometimes saying things because either A)They envy you, or B)they're saying "you don't need to lose weight for us to like you." It's supposed to be a nice way of saying we like you just the way you are, but it comes out wrong. We're being told to "accept mediocrity." That "big is beautiful." What else do you expect from a society that is taught "tolerance?" Keep doing what you're doing. You'll be fine.
  • livinglifeandlovingit
    livinglifeandlovingit Posts: 106
    People are generally jealous when they see that you are actually achieving a goal that most cannot...weight loss! I know it is difficult, but please believe me when I say this...you should not have to prove anything to anyone. It sounds like you are in a healthy zone right now.
  • inittothinit42
    inittothinit42 Posts: 64 Member
    I have to agree with previous posters: the first thing that I thought is that these people aren't worried, they're JEALOUS. Now I don't know you, and obviously it IS possible to lose too much weight... but if the info you gave is correct, then you're probably just fine!
  • MarieNevada
    MarieNevada Posts: 395 Member
    what everyone else has said. also, in today's society there's a big double standard. everone says they want to be skinny but when someone, other than themselves actually is, they feel the need to tear down the other person in order to make themselves feel better about their own perceived "failure". and everyone plays along with it. It reminds me of an old commercial. two women are eating diet yoghurt in public, obviously looking to lose weight. a woman walks by with a perfect body, gorgeous face and wonderful hair. everything those two women aspire to be by eating better. one woman looks at the other and says "thick ankles". This need to tear down succcessful people is pervasive. Just look at the tabloids who feature an article gleefully pointing out cellulite on size 2 actresses right next to an article accusing other size 2 actresses of being anorexic.

    Next time you get a comment about being too skinny, ask that person where were the comments about how you were eating yourself into an early grave. why is one acceptable and not the other. challenge them on their double standard.
  • sc1572
    sc1572 Posts: 2,309 Member
    Feel free to add me! I am 5'5-5'6ish as well, 19, and just reached 135-136 lbs!
  • AnnetteBlair
    AnnetteBlair Posts: 10 Member
    I have another take on it...

    Perhaps overweight has become the norm and therefore anyone not overweight bothers them or looks odd to them. Again, I would go to my doctor, get the clearance, and be done with it. Maybe they should be more concerned with their appearance and not yours.
  • MichhhB
    MichhhB Posts: 3
    Wow, so many replies so quickly! I honestly thank you guys so much- I had no where else to go.

    40lbslighter- Absolutely no comments from strangers! Once, I met a friend's mom and she said "You're little!!" But it definitely wasn't "God, you're a pile of bones!"

    milaxx- LOL! That made me smile! Thank you!

    chevy88grl- Congrats! And wow, I feel the exact same. It's so mortifying hearing those comments- it's no one else's business but ours!!

    And in response to the "skin" issue- I'm 19- I'm pretty elastic! A little bit of an issue under my arms, where I held a lot of weight. Otherwise, nope!

    Thank you guys, so much. For the first time in a few weeks, I finally feel at ease- like I can take a deep breath. All that matters is me, and how I feel in my own skin. No need to prove anything to anyone!
  • marie_2454
    marie_2454 Posts: 881 Member
    I get the almost the same thing, although I haven't reached my goal weight yet. At my heaviest I weighed around 205-210 and now I'm down to about 160. (oh, I'm about 5'9) anyways, I still want to lose about another 30 pounds, but people tell me I look skinny now and that I shouldn't lose any more weight, and that if I lose more than 5-10 pounds I'll look gross. I think it's just that I look skinnier! I was fat before and now that I'm normal I look skinny because instead of comparing me to a normal/average person, I'm being compared to the fat me and quite frankly, the fat me makes the now me look like a skinny *itch! Lol...anyways, you sound like you're at a great weight and that you're happy with it. Maybe try to explain to those closest to you that you're happy with your appearance and your weight, but more importantly you're still in a healthy range. I'm not there yet, so I'm not sure what exactly to tell you, but from what I'm hearing now I imagine I'll be getting the same thing. Maybe be completely honest with everyone and say that this is the new you and what they're saying is rude, offensive, and even mean, even if that's not how it's intended. Good luck with everything and congratulations on your weight loss!
  • ElizabethObviously
    ElizabethObviously Posts: 380 Member
    Isn't it weird how people will gawk and stare and point if you are too heavy and do the exact same thing if you get too thin? 136 for 5'6'' sounds perfectly fine. Maybe people are saying it because they knew you as the heavier version of yourself and it is taking time for their mind to acclimate to the new you.

    Like you said...you know what works for you and you know what happens if you don't watch things. You have lost a great amount! Just keep at it. And you are obviously NOT anorexic like someone said to you. Because the fact you changed it to "maintaining". In the mind of an anorexic, it would ALWAYS be in the "losing" mode.
  • bonjour24
    bonjour24 Posts: 1,119 Member
    it may just be that the people around you are not used to seeing you so slim, and are therefore concerned that you're losing too much.
    i know when my best mate lost alot of weight (went from 200lb to probably about 140), i didn't like how she looked to begin with. i'd only known her chubby, and i thought she'd gone too far. and, truth be told, i was probably extremely jealous as well. but it took me a while to recognise that she fit better in that skin than she did in the old fat suit.

    she has gained a little since then (not much, but has a bit more shape back) and i think she looks better now that she did before. but i'm a firm believer that women should have hips, bum and boobs. and now she has.

    but.... that's just my opinion on her shape, and it doesn't count at all! what matters is how she feels about herself, and she feels awesome about herself. and that makes me happy.
  • sweetsapphire85
    sweetsapphire85 Posts: 386
    I've found socially the norm for accepting weight is really weird. Overweight is obviously the norm and if you aren't wearing a 3x and can still work and do daily functions it means that you don't have a weight problem. I know I'm 30lbs over weight, I know I don't like the way my clothes fit and want to make myself healthier.

    When people make the comments about my weight loss goal being unrealistic for my body (ie: that will make you look anorexic, or you may develop an eating disorder by doing this) I take it with a grain of salt, I think their views aren't about being healthy but accepting and loving yourself as you are.

    You make them feel like they shouldn't love themselves for how they are and place judgment on you to deflect the thoughts they have about themselves. (ie: if she is smaller than I am and trying to lose weight, then she most certainly thinks I could attempt to get healthier too)

    If you are happy with losing weight and are doing it in a healthy way let it pass; they will adjust and get over it.
  • MichhhB
    MichhhB Posts: 3
    I have been on the heavier side for my entire life- always in the highest percentile..

    So all of you saying it might be a shock to people- it definitely is.
    I have asked quite a few people about the double standard.. "That's funny..you never told me how obese I really was..."

    The issue with my significant other has yet to be..resolved.

    And I will ALWAYS remember to be happy for people. What's the sense in bringing someone else down because you're unhappy with yourself..?
  • Marazene
    Marazene Posts: 97
    I get the same crap from some of my friends and family...I figure some of it comes from the fact I did loose alot fast and the other half just comes from other people being jelouse.....I just blow it all off and just pay attention to my BMI and what my dr. says.
  • purnurple
    purnurple Posts: 102
    i am 5 foot 8.5 inches and i weighed in this morning at 124.4 pounds. does anyone tell me im anorexic? very few. someone even suggest a diet to me the other day. i think the people you are with are just shocked by the diference. its like dying your hair from bleach blonde to black. its very different but may look fine to someone who didnt know you as a blonde.
  • cowlover22
    cowlover22 Posts: 309 Member
    Well first of all good job with losing the weight. You know I dont know why people feel it is ok to make comments about peoples weight. I finally got frustrated with the situation and started replying to who ever it is asking..So is it ok if I ask you how much you weigh or say gee you look really old today. Are you going to eat that..you really dont need those calories. After making these comments..most people got the message. The trouble is..when someone loses alot of weight(maybe not you) they tend to have that drawn out look until the weight start to distribute more evenly. So many people have that gaunt cachetic look to them. This just really irrates me. I am sure they might be asking esp because of all the recent news of eating disorders and all but I know it can be frustrated. They also must care about you to ask..but I know it gets irritating! Kind of funny peoples perspectives though..someone who doesnt know me really well and hasnt seen me in a awhile saw me the otherday and said that I looked good.(meaning since I lost weight) well I look so good that I currently will be going to the hospital to gain weight. Somethings are just best not said!
  • koosdel
    koosdel Posts: 3,317 Member
    Most people simply do not want others to succeed. It reminds them of their own weakness.

    So, in their own way, they are telling you "You win, I lose."
  • reesesrunner
    reesesrunner Posts: 10
    You are at a healthy weight!

    It is true, however, that there are those who will point out how "skinny" one is, but would never say a word about a heavier person. Double-standard,for sure.

    If someone makes a comment about your appearance, smile and say 'Thanks for your concern about my health!', because, really, what can they say to that?

    Keep keeping on and stay true to you. :smile:
  • kimberly130
    kimberly130 Posts: 166
    I could be way off track here, so feel free to ignore what I say...

    I find people who down play other people's success do so because they are insecure with themselves. They knock people down when they feel good about themselves. Your significant other might be hearing from other people that you are looking slimmer and therefore "hot" and he might be feeling a bit insecure. Reassure everyone that you are eating healthy foods and your body is adjusting appropriately. Then tell them how great you feel now that you are not carrying around all of that extra weight.

    You are doing great, don't let others get you down.
  • Jamcnair
    Jamcnair Posts: 586 Member
    I know ALL too well what you're talking about! I was never extremely overweight, but I was 5'4 1/2 at 158 and was in the "overweight" category. All last year I started eating healthier and exercising pretty much every day. Over the course of the year, I dropped to about 125. Tons of people (that know me), mostly from church, were commenting on my weight to me or to other people (and they told me). It was things like "Is she okay?" "Is she eating enough?" "You're not anorexic, are you?" I mean...COME ON! Nobody says anything to the overweight people. And nobody says as much to the people that have always been thin. It's very annoying, but I would just keep a smile on my face and say "I'm eating healthy and exercising. I feel great" and keep on going
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