Here I Go Again, On My Own

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CZSeventy5
CZSeventy5 Posts: 2 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Well, I am trying again. Starting again. I've been here a dozen... two dozen times before... Morbidly obese - trying to cut calories and start moving (can't even say exercising because I know I have to start with just moving). Trying to find the permanent change in my mental state / lifestyle that will stick. I am fat, sick and dying and still can't find the will to change. What is wrong with me?

I'm disgusted that I let it come to this ... again. A few years ago I was down to 180 lbs and heading in the right direction. Feeling really good. Exercising every weekday. Then I over did it weight lifting, hurt myself, and spiralled down lower than I was before I started.

I have a growth hormone deficiency that adds to weight problems, and bad back (herniated disc) that has me in pain every day. Because of that, everything is a struggle to endure: walking and even standing for more than a few minutes at a time cause severe pain. I struggle to climb stairs, put on my shoes, button my pants, dry off after a shower, even wipe myself. I've stopped all my hobbies and activities because I either can't do them, or I am too embarrassed of what I have become to let people see me. I don't like to go to social events. Uuugghh. I could go on and on. What a sad sack!

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  • beansontoast2014
    beansontoast2014 Posts: 24 Member
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    I'm back again ! Don't put your self down take one day at a time ! I have back problems & bad joints but find the more I move the pain gets less each day ! How much do you aim to loose ?
  • 17goldfish
    17goldfish Posts: 1 Member
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    You are here and that’s what matters!
    Think about what can you do today, concentrate on a good choices, write here, you’ll help someone.
  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
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    I can only guess, but I guess it's all connected: Excess weight makes your body hurt. Thinking something is wrong with you, when your body just does what it's designed to do, makes you feel ashamed. Shame and pain stops you from moving your body. Moving your body too little adds to weight gain, depression and pain. When you lost weight, you felt good because of the weightloss, not from the lifestyle that produced the weightloss.

    You have to start thinking that you can do, finding out what you have to, don't have to, and can do, and start doing things you can and must and want to do, and then apply pressure and keep doing those things, and forget all the unnecessary things.

    Losing weight and gaining strength takes a long time, concerted effort, and commitment. And lots of patience. You can't just try to cut calories, and you can't try to eat too little. You have to eat less, for real, consistently and for a long time, but you also have to get in proper nutrition every day, and eat food you like. You have to move more and at the same time be more careful. You have to challenge yourself, but reasonably. You have to stop feeling sorry for yourself, but to do that, you need to improve your quality of life. You have to be kinder to yourself, but also firmer. You have to do it yourself, but you don't have to do it alone.

    MFP can be a great set of tools for behavior modification and learning, not just weightloss and fitness. All you have to do, is to use the tools properly and be disciplined and honest. No, I didn't say that was easy! Welcome back!
  • goldthistime
    goldthistime Posts: 3,214 Member
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    All of the above, but emphasis on kinder to yourself. Moving more and eating nutritiously are demonstrating self respect. Self loathing may get you the resolve to get started but I strongly advise working towards self respect. Set achievable goals and mini goals, don't set yourself up for failure by making the process too tough.

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