Supportive or not so much comments

SpanishFusion
SpanishFusion Posts: 261 Member
edited November 24 in Motivation and Support
Does anyone else feel subconscious when people comment about your weight loss? I've gained and lost weight my whole life and when I'm dieting I get all kinds of comments. "Hey you lost weight! You look so much better." "Have you lost weight? Keep it up." "How much weight have you lost? Well good for you." I 'think' these comments are intended on being supportive, but they make me cringe inside. So much so that this time, I told my husband to not even mention it to his family (who are all very naturally tall and thin and eat like horses). He's proud of my accomplishments and wants others to acknowledge them, but I.just.can't.

Please don't try to psychoanalyze me. (I know I got an issue.) Just let me know if you've ever felt like this and how you dealt.

Replies

  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,458 Member
    edited January 2018
    Yeah, I'm a pretty private person with really robust boundaries and I don't like any comments at all about my body. I *try* not to make comments about other peoples' bodies or how they look or if they, "Look nice today," or, "I like your hair," or whatever - but sometimes I just slip up and say it anyway. Sometimes being nice is confusing.

    My goal these days is to forgive people.
  • SteamPug
    SteamPug Posts: 262 Member
    edited January 2018
    I’d consider it to be pretty rude if someone commented on another persons weight gain, so by that token I would also avoid commenting on someone’s loss. I guess people see it as a compliment but really it’s none of their business and you never know if the person is losing because they’re suffering from a physical or mental illness. It’s safer just to avoid comments on appearance. Besides, if you wanna compliment someone it always feels more genuine if you tell them something you like about their personality.

    As for how I’d deal with it - I’m not sure that I would. I’d probably brush off their comment without a ‘thanks’ and risk coming off as a little bit rude - other than that it’s really not worth a confrontation. If it’s someone you’re close to it’s good to sit them down and tell them why it makes you uncomfortable but Otherwise I’d just try to lead by example when giving out compliments myself.
  • Marilyn0924
    Marilyn0924 Posts: 797 Member
    My parents and mother-in-law love to comment on my failures (there have been more than I'd like to count).
    "Gee thanks for pointing that out Captain Obvious!" Needless to say they could all use to lose 50+ pound each. Everyone is an armchair critic these days.
    FWIW, I just change the topic and shut it down.
  • Tacklewasher
    Tacklewasher Posts: 7,122 Member
    For me, it depends on my mood and whatnot. Some days I can take it just fine, other days it bugs the crap out of me. But either way, I try to move the conversation on.

    Had dinner with someone who spent the first 5 minutes going on about how much weight I've lost. Not a friend but a business associate. She went way overboard and it got annoying pretty quick. She's a slim person so it's not like she needed input for herself or anything.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    No, I liked it...it was rare, but I always liked when people complimented me on my losses and my fitness. It's been years now since I dropped my weight, but I still get compliments here and there on my dedication to fitness and overall good livin'...I love it.
  • SpanishFusion
    SpanishFusion Posts: 261 Member
    I personally would appreciate a "Hey You look Great!". Not even qualifying it with a "Hey you look great TODAY." Just a generic, You look great!
    I never thought about never complimenting someone on their appearance at all, but thinking about it, what if they are battling hair loss and someone says, Hey your hair looks great! That could make them cringe.

    Good stuff you all.
  • sksk1026
    sksk1026 Posts: 215 Member
    I so understand! My personal take on those weight-loss comments is they were also noticing my weight gain and just didn't say anything about it. A memorable comment after a small weightloss: Years ago my mother was walking behind me and announced "Your bottom is a lot less wobbly". Good to know!
  • SpanishFusion
    SpanishFusion Posts: 261 Member
    sksk1026 wrote: »
    I so understand! My personal take on those weight-loss comments is they were also noticing my weight gain and just didn't say anything about it. A memorable comment after a small weightloss: Years ago my mother was walking behind me and announced "Your bottom is a lot less wobbly". Good to know!

    Unbelievable. smh
  • gymprincess1234
    gymprincess1234 Posts: 493 Member
    I enjoy talking about fitness and weight loss, but I do find it odd to speak about it with people I've just met and they had no idea I used to be bigger. It's the combination of shame and pride when I say how much I lost, like being bigger was some sort of crime I committed.
  • susie_que
    susie_que Posts: 2 Member
    I have finally decided the best course is if someone has lost weight and looks great, I just say”you look awesome” without mentioning weight. It’s safer.
  • tuolon
    tuolon Posts: 107 Member
    I avoid complimenting on weight, unless it is my immediate family member. My immediate family members all talk to each other about weight so I am used to it. As far as other people talking to me about my weight, i just grin and don't care. Right now, strangers have a tendency to think i am pregnant. And they comment about when my due date is. When i lose weight, i will do the same thing and just grin and don't care. The only opinion that matters about my weight is my own and how i feel. If i took to heart what people thought of my weight, i would be an emotional mess.
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