Man advice needed!

He may well know how you feel, and have feelings for you too, but he's trying to balance your friendship and his other relationship without hurting anyone. He might see you bringing it out in the open as an ultimatum, he might feel trapped and having to choose between you and her, risking losing your friendship either way

I guess it is a way to move on, if you're not happy

Are you sure he actually likes you in this way? I agree it may be good to tell him how you are feeling but if he has been with his girlfriend for so long surley he must love her.

I would tred very carefully, sometimes you can have good chemistry with someone but that doesn't mean they have intimate feelings for you anything beyond the friendship you already have.

Also you need to be careful as you have said he is in a relationship and it is not only hyour feelings that could get hurt if it all came out in the open.

i say keep your feelings to yourself until he is single. you dont want to be the reason he breaks up with her. besides, if you and the girlfriend get a long and you tell him how you feel and she finds out OH HECK NAW! Not good.

Do NOT make your decisions based on your emotions. You will regret it. IMHO

You see this guy all the time. He's in a stable relationship with someone he's been with for a decade. Don't tell him your feelings. You said you don't want to break them up, so what's the point of even telling him how you feel. At best, you'll make him uncomfortable and potentially strain your friendship. At worst, he'll get upset with you for trying to come between him and his girlfriend.

Switch jobs. Go on vacation. Get a new hobby. Find some different friends to hang out with. Something, anything to get your mind off this guy. I'm not saying that you never, ever see him again. But you need to seriously distance yourself from this guy before you do something stupid. Don't talk to him for a few months. Let your emotions cool off.

Even if you don't think that telling him how you feel will ruin anything, don't do it. Just don't. Terrible idea. If he liked you "like that" then he wouldn't be with his girlfriend. It's not like he lacks free will to date whom he pleases.

Don't be that friend. Don't be that girl.

I wouldn't even tell him why you stop talking to him for a while. Just ... make yourself busy. "Sorry dude, can't chit chat, tons of work to do." "Oh, can't hang out after work, gotta hit the gym"

Only you can decide what's the right move for you but I would not tell him. If he has real feelings for you he should get out of the relationship he is in first and then address his feelings for you. He probably knows you're into him. Do you just want to tell him how you feel? Do you accept responsibility for the possibility of him leaving his girlfriend to be with you? (Not the end of the world--it just means he comes with baggage.) If you tell him then you can't just act like friends again. Friends love each other but don't want romantic relationships. You can't be just friends with this guy. I think it would be best to just start going out with other friends and date more.
With that being said, if you feel in the bottom of your heart you have to declare you love him, I mean, who I am to stop you? I actually love a declaration of love. Like in the movie "Love Actually" and the guy shows up at Kiera Knightley door declaring his love for his best friends girl...hopeless and very romantic and sweet!!!!! (Yeah, I watch that movie every year during the holidays.)
Anyway, I don't recommend it in general but maybe your situation is special.
One question: If you think he might have feelings for you why has he not said anything or acted on them--girlfriend or not? Is he scared and the girlfriend is just a safety net?

You also have to think that if you come out and tell the truth..is it going to be awkward between yall if he stays with his gurlfriend? Are you going to be able to just be friends with him after you tell him everything??

Yeah - quite possibly not. Whilst that makes me very sad, I think me having this relationship with him is preventing me moving on. I'm 99% sure that he has feelings for me because he's come out and said it on more than one occasion. I've always brushed it off but I think it's making me unhappy. Selfish though it may be, I think to tell him what I'm feeling would be more honest than simply disappearing off his radar, which will only serve to make both of us unhappy. At least if I tell him why I need not to be around him, I'll be the only one who suffers.

Thanks to everybody for your good advice and thanks for not being judgy!

What has he said? I think you're right - if he's said things, it probably is making you unhappy because you have feelings and know that he does, too, but neither of you are acting upon them. If he has real feelings for you, seems like he would have left his current girlfriend. If he still loves her, but has feelings for you, too - well, sorry buddy, but most people don't go for an open relationship - so that's putting you in a crappy position while he still gets to have his girlfriend and you're not moving on. I think you just need to try and spend less time with him, as others have suggested.

Take it from someone who has a lot of crushes, it would be a disaster for you to tell him. It would hurt you and it has a very high risk of actually wrecking the friendship you have.

I am a little annoyed at him, he gets to flirt and toy with you knowing it cannot go anywhere when he has a girlfriend, I'm sorry but I think he is being manipulative.

I have a theory about crushing on people who are attainable, I think we do it when we are not fulfilling ourselves as we should. Go out and fill your life with positive wonderful experiences, and these hopeless cases will get dialled down to more manageable proportions. Well that's what I'm doing, with varying levels of success!

GG

Hi guys

I have recently realised that I'm in love with a very good friend of mine. He's in a relationship and, although there is definitely a sexual attraction between us, he's been with his girl for over ten years and I would never break that up. To make matters worse we also work together. Sigh. We've known each other for 5 years and during that entire time he has been kind, loyal, funny and my protector in every workplace situation where I needed one. Couldn't have asked for a better friend basically.

I have to move on for my own sanity as much as anything else. I suspect he has feelings for me that stretch beyond the simple attraction, so I think that me moving on would be the best for both of us. The problem I have is that, because I see him every day, it's very difficult for me to put him out of my mind. I have been thinking (a lot) about this and I thought perhaps a good move would be to be completely honest with him (ok - almost completely honest - without using the word 'love'!) and just explain that because I have developed feelings for him, I think it best if we steer clear of each other for a while and give each other some breathing space.

What do you think? I desperately don't want to cut him out of my life but I simply can't see any other option. Damn it! Any and all advice gratefully received!

Holding back how you feel does nothing. Be up front. Though someone is with someone for 10 years, they may not have the ideal partnership. Why do you think the divorce rate is so high? Many stick around to just stick around. Worse that happens is that you stay friends and if you know that there's no interest it's also easier for you to move on.