Man advice needed!

Tell him how you feel and be honest about not wanting to complicate his life while still being open to him wanting to be a part of yours.
He may not be happy where he is right now and ready to move on from it,you never know.
Once it is in the open and talked about between the two of you it will be easier for you to let those feelings go if that is what is meant to be.

Tell him how you feel and be honest about not wanting to complicate his life while still being open to him wanting to be a part of yours.
He may not be happy where he is right now and ready to move on from it,you never know.
Once it is in the open and talked about between the two of you it will be easier for you to let those feelings go if that is what is meant to be.

well put Carl !!!!!! Girl I know I will hear **** over this but YOU MUST follow your heart, Ya see life is too short not to tell people how you truly feel and if he is loyal to his girlfriend and is a loyal friend to you he will be flattered by the interest but at the same time let you know that he is madly in love with his girlfriend and that the two of you can only be friends. THEN>>>>>>>YOU have to honor his integrity and move on.

Tell him how you feel and be honest about not wanting to complicate his life while still being open to him wanting to be a part of yours.
He may not be happy where he is right now and ready to move on from it,you never know.
Once it is in the open and talked about between the two of you it will be easier for you to let those feelings go if that is what is meant to be.

I agree with this.

You also have to think that if you come out and tell the truth..is it going to be awkward between yall if he stays with his gurlfriend? Are you going to be able to just be friends with him after you tell him everything??

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You see this guy all the time. He's in a stable relationship with someone he's been with for a decade. Don't tell him your feelings. You said you don't want to break them up, so what's the point of even telling him how you feel. At best, you'll make him uncomfortable and potentially strain your friendship. At worst, he'll get upset with you for trying to come between him and his girlfriend.

Switch jobs. Go on vacation. Get a new hobby. Find some different friends to hang out with. Something, anything to get your mind off this guy. I'm not saying that you never, ever see him again. But you need to seriously distance yourself from this guy before you do something stupid. Don't talk to him for a few months. Let your emotions cool off.

Even if you don't think that telling him how you feel will ruin anything, don't do it. Just don't. Terrible idea. If he liked you "like that" then he wouldn't be with his girlfriend. It's not like he lacks free will to date whom he pleases.

Don't be that friend. Don't be that girl.

I wouldn't even tell him why you stop talking to him for a while. Just ... make yourself busy. "Sorry dude, can't chit chat, tons of work to do." "Oh, can't hang out after work, gotta hit the gym"

Only you can decide what's the right move for you but I would not tell him. If he has real feelings for you he should get out of the relationship he is in first and then address his feelings for you. He probably knows you're into him. Do you just want to tell him how you feel? Do you accept responsibility for the possibility of him leaving his girlfriend to be with you? (Not the end of the world--it just means he comes with baggage.) If you tell him then you can't just act like friends again. Friends love each other but don't want romantic relationships. You can't be just friends with this guy. I think it would be best to just start going out with other friends and date more.
With that being said, if you feel in the bottom of your heart you have to declare you love him, I mean, who I am to stop you? I actually love a declaration of love. Like in the movie "Love Actually" and the guy shows up at Kiera Knightley door declaring his love for his best friends girl...hopeless and very romantic and sweet!!!!! (Yeah, I watch that movie every year during the holidays.)
Anyway, I don't recommend it in general but maybe your situation is special.
One question: If you think he might have feelings for you why has he not said anything or acted on them--girlfriend or not? Is he scared and the girlfriend is just a safety net?

You also have to think that if you come out and tell the truth..is it going to be awkward between yall if he stays with his gurlfriend? Are you going to be able to just be friends with him after you tell him everything??

Yeah - quite possibly not. Whilst that makes me very sad, I think me having this relationship with him is preventing me moving on. I'm 99% sure that he has feelings for me because he's come out and said it on more than one occasion. I've always brushed it off but I think it's making me unhappy. Selfish though it may be, I think to tell him what I'm feeling would be more honest than simply disappearing off his radar, which will only serve to make both of us unhappy. At least if I tell him why I need not to be around him, I'll be the only one who suffers.

Thanks to everybody for your good advice and thanks for not being judgy!

What has he said? I think you're right - if he's said things, it probably is making you unhappy because you have feelings and know that he does, too, but neither of you are acting upon them. If he has real feelings for you, seems like he would have left his current girlfriend. If he still loves her, but has feelings for you, too - well, sorry buddy, but most people don't go for an open relationship - so that's putting you in a crappy position while he still gets to have his girlfriend and you're not moving on. I think you just need to try and spend less time with him, as others have suggested.

Take it from someone who has a lot of crushes, it would be a disaster for you to tell him. It would hurt you and it has a very high risk of actually wrecking the friendship you have.

I am a little annoyed at him, he gets to flirt and toy with you knowing it cannot go anywhere when he has a girlfriend, I'm sorry but I think he is being manipulative.

I have a theory about crushing on people who are attainable, I think we do it when we are not fulfilling ourselves as we should. Go out and fill your life with positive wonderful experiences, and these hopeless cases will get dialled down to more manageable proportions. Well that's what I'm doing, with varying levels of success!

GG

Hi guys

I have recently realised that I'm in love with a very good friend of mine. He's in a relationship and, although there is definitely a sexual attraction between us, he's been with his girl for over ten years and I would never break that up. To make matters worse we also work together. Sigh. We've known each other for 5 years and during that entire time he has been kind, loyal, funny and my protector in every workplace situation where I needed one. Couldn't have asked for a better friend basically.

I have to move on for my own sanity as much as anything else. I suspect he has feelings for me that stretch beyond the simple attraction, so I think that me moving on would be the best for both of us. The problem I have is that, because I see him every day, it's very difficult for me to put him out of my mind. I have been thinking (a lot) about this and I thought perhaps a good move would be to be completely honest with him (ok - almost completely honest - without using the word 'love'!) and just explain that because I have developed feelings for him, I think it best if we steer clear of each other for a while and give each other some breathing space.

What do you think? I desperately don't want to cut him out of my life but I simply can't see any other option. Damn it! Any and all advice gratefully received!

Holding back how you feel does nothing. Be up front. Though someone is with someone for 10 years, they may not have the ideal partnership. Why do you think the divorce rate is so high? Many stick around to just stick around. Worse that happens is that you stay friends and if you know that there's no interest it's also easier for you to move on.

Out of some personal experience here, I would probably say - Some feelings are better left unsaid. I strongly believe that if a guy wants to be with you, he will make it happen, no matter what. If he has the same strong feelings for you, I am sure that he would come way out of his comfort zone and let you know very openly and make it a serious conversation.

Since he's your best buddy, it only makes things verry complicated for you. Trust me, I know how it feels. Good luck.

P.S - Just know one thing, if it has to happen, it will, else there is definitely some else waiting to happen and who knows, its might just be better than the best.

I sympathise with you here as I have been there too....(many years ago mind!). I am no agony aunt but I only found peace of mind when I left my job and moved on. This is where you'll find out the true extent of this guys feelings for you because if he really cares about you (in the same way as you care about him) he will be so upset that you are leaving and will try and persuade you to stay. If he is indifferent you will know he only cared because you were a comaptible workmate that was there in his face every day.
I too would never want to damage a relationship between two people so you have answered your own question I think.
That reminds me.....Here's to all the guys I loved before...wherever you are!!! :ohwell:

Wow, a lot of good replies both FOR and AGAINST telling him. Here's my .02, FWIW (45 yrs old, been around a bit):

This guy has a gf of 10 yrs and is intentionally flirting with you?? You said you're 99% sure he likes you beyond a basic friendship, right? RED FLAG! How would YOU feel if you were his gf of 10 yrs? Which brings me to my 2nd point: a gf for 10 yrs?!? Does this guy have commitment issues? At what point is he going to ask her to marry him? Or, is he keeping all options open?

There's a chemical reaction in our brains when we go through this kind of love/infatuation thing. Feelings of "he's the one" or "I can't live without him" to "we'll always be in love." Those feelings are short-lived, trust me. Do you want to be his gf of 3 yrs only to find out he: #1 doesn't intend on marrying you and #2 is flirting with his co-workers?

There are a lot of good men out there, but none are perfect. The one you're after is taken, he knows it and so do you.