If I'm not here tomorrow, SLAP me.

I blame Hollywood. NO but Seriously, I'm NOT fat. I have been fatter. I have been thinner. I'm just normal. I'm. Just. Blah.

My blog isn't for the person who has lost, or needs to lose 30-100 pounds. It's not for the person who wants to add years to their look. I'm 26. I'm not old or fat. It's for the average, unmotivated and unhealthy all together. The person who says "I'll start on Monday" EVERY Saturday when their partner insists on ordering pizza or driving thru for ONE last Mocha Frappe... It's for anyone out there who realizes that this fitness goal isn't going to happen, It just isn't, unless we OBSESS over it, I'm blogging right now, so I can begin my obsession.

You see, my problem is simple. I don't want to lose weight. I want to transform. I want to loose a little body fat, gain some muscle and be LEAN. Jillian Micheals on "filming day" lean. I want to look like I eat my effing Wheaties. I want to be HEALTHY. After five minutes of intense googling and internet research, I have decided that there is no place for me and my ungrateful ranting about my average body. So here I am, Hoping you will all put up with it. I am not happy with my "target zone" weight. I've learned that when it comes to looking at myself naked in the mirror....what I weigh means pretty much nothing... Its my body fat that needs attention, priority and change. Its my diet, my activity and my attitude.

I find that when I'm having a good day or night, I'm in a good mood, laughing. hanging out with my kids & hubby at home...those are the nights when I whip up a huge batch of cookies and eat them all in 24 hours because "who cares! Life is short!" right? (Soooo wrong) It's the days I mope around feeling worthless and lazy (after I ate those cookies most likely) that I don't "deserve" to eat, and veggies win the fight in broccoli vs. french garlic bread at dinner. After all is said and done, I'm disordered in my eating habits. Backwards and inconsistent. I'm Obsessive and demanding of myself. It's messed up and consuming, and I'm exhausted. I'm starting this diary to keep better track of my obsession. I'm thinking about, food or exercise all the time. Or the lack there of...So I might as well be getting it out and taking care of my goal instead of hating myself because I'm not fat but I don't exactly love my body.

I'm blogging for inspiration because I cannot look to people who know me. I actually hide my GOOD eating habits from people a lot of the time in fear that I'll be judged because I'm not fat enough to diet or exercise & I'm to young to worry about my metabolism or body fat percentage. I have pretty outrageous goals and I need somewhere to set them in stone. I need somewhere to turn when my husband is rolling his eyes at me when I'm lifting my saggy little but up in the mirror to where I wish It was settling. I don't wanna be average anymore. I want to be at the top of my potential, and totally stoked about it. I'll be posting starting weight, measurements and pictures in the morning. I'm excited. To all of you who want to spit on me because I'm not fat enough to be complaining...(I know you are out there) well, you can piss off. I'm sick of being Little Miss Weak-sauce-soft-tummy-squishy-armed-noodle-legs. I'm sick of not giving 100%. It's time to actually loose that last five pounds...I cannot be the only one.