Trying not to cry today

memaw66
memaw66 Posts: 2,558 Member
edited September 19 in Chit-Chat
I am trying my best to keep a smile on my face today but it's going to be really hard. I lost my mother last May to cancer and today is her birthday. So it's just a really sad day for me. She was my best freind. Then on top of that my son called me last night to tell me that he and his girlfreind finally decided to break up and she took my grandson to her mother's house. He also explained how he has not accepted mom's death and he is having a really hard time and needs to go to counseling. He made an appt for Thursday. I am on such a roller coaster ride today and want off!!!! So please just keep me in your thoughts today. I will NOT over eat though. I also have a terrible cold and feel like crap and it's almost TOM!!!! Sorry guys, just had to get that off my chest.

Memaw

Replies

  • memaw66
    memaw66 Posts: 2,558 Member
    I am trying my best to keep a smile on my face today but it's going to be really hard. I lost my mother last May to cancer and today is her birthday. So it's just a really sad day for me. She was my best freind. Then on top of that my son called me last night to tell me that he and his girlfreind finally decided to break up and she took my grandson to her mother's house. He also explained how he has not accepted mom's death and he is having a really hard time and needs to go to counseling. He made an appt for Thursday. I am on such a roller coaster ride today and want off!!!! So please just keep me in your thoughts today. I will NOT over eat though. I also have a terrible cold and feel like crap and it's almost TOM!!!! Sorry guys, just had to get that off my chest.

    Memaw
  • SHOPPINGDIVA
    SHOPPINGDIVA Posts: 139
    Wow you do have alot on youre plate today....ill keep you in my prayers, i hope it gets better for you, reflect on all the wonderful times you and your mother shared throughout the years i know it doesnt make it better but those good thoughts will help. Try to have a better week.
  • oregonlady
    oregonlady Posts: 2,743 Member
    you are in my thoughts/prayers memaw.
    i'm sorry to learn of your hardships.
    i'm glad to hear u plan to be extra careful-healthy today.:smile:
    when we take good care of ourselves, we handle whatever life throws at us so much better!

    :heart: robin
  • MissNova
    MissNova Posts: 563 Member
    Keep your head up!!! You are in my prayers and Happy Birthday to your mother. Things will get better I promise you might not see it today or tomorrow but its there and its coming for you. :heart:
  • lotusfromthemud
    lotusfromthemud Posts: 5,335 Member
    Don't overeat, but for the love of God. . .go ahead and cry.

    I know that grief is a terrible way to feel, but let yourself feel it. Take an hour or two, sit by yourself and let it out. God is with you, even then. Especially then.

    I once had a friend (who's now a preacher) pelt me with those little "purse packs" of kleenex after my Grandmother passed (she lived with me my whole life, and helped my mother raise me) He had a drawer full. I can still hear him in my head every time I want to "suck it up" and not cry. He yelled "cry, sistergirl, cry" and threw kleenex at me.

    And, IMHO, crying beats eating every time.:flowerforyou: :heart: :flowerforyou:
  • get_fit2009
    get_fit2009 Posts: 827 Member
    I will say a prayer for you to get through this. You will always miss your mom, but I hope the hurt gets less for you and your family.
  • heather0mc
    heather0mc Posts: 4,656 Member
    we love you memaw! :flowerforyou: :heart: :flowerforyou: :heart:
  • momof2gr8kids
    momof2gr8kids Posts: 22
    Hang in there! I know exactly how you feel. I lost my dad to cancer in August and his 64th birthday is coming in April. I'm really not looking forward to facing it. Christmas was a tough one too.

    My thoughts are with you and your son as you continue to face this sorrow. Remember the good times...
  • mandersen16
    mandersen16 Posts: 261
    My thoughts and prayers are with you my dear! Good will never give us more than he thinks we can handle. You will now have your son to lean on. You will get through these tough times together! :flowerforyou:
  • pipinana
    pipinana Posts: 2,356 Member
    OH Memaw, I'm sorry that you are having such a rough day. I'll be thinking of you, your mom, your son and especially your little grandbaby.... Hopefully things will start to look up for you soon. Stay with us here though.... Don't give up.

    :flowerforyou: :heart: Pip
  • Shannon023
    Shannon023 Posts: 14,529 Member
    I'd say you're entitled to a good cry. :heart:

    Prayers for you & your family. :flowerforyou:
  • timechange
    timechange Posts: 61
    I am so sorry and I agree...you can cry! I will keep you in my prayers as well. :flowerforyou:
  • 1Corinthians13
    1Corinthians13 Posts: 5,296 Member
    You're in my prayers. I am so sorry.
  • rosered51
    rosered51 Posts: 189
    You will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers today. Kudos to you for remaining strong and committed to yourself and your life change plan. Hopefully your grandson's mother won't use him as a bargaining chip and will allow you to continue to see him.

    Lots of :heart: coming your way.
  • marisol7649
    marisol7649 Posts: 484 Member
    You are in my prayers. The best gift to your mom,is be happy.
    See all the support you got in here. God Bless you.
  • memaw66
    memaw66 Posts: 2,558 Member
    Thanks everyone. You are all truly special and I appreciate all the kind words. I am just trying to get through the day as best as possible. Then someone in the office sees me with my red eyes and out of the kindness in their hearts asks what's wrong and I start bawling all over again!!! Just have to get through the day. My boss and I have a meeting down town and hopefully that will take my mind off of things for a while.

    Thanks again to all of you for your kind words!

    Memaw
  • will4change
    will4change Posts: 87
    Nothing wrong with crying, infact you just might feel a little better. Happy Birthday to your Mom. She will so proud of you for all that you are doing to get healthier. Keep your chin up, nature keeps its balance, tomorrow might be a better day for you and your family.
    God Bless.
  • GettingThin08
    GettingThin08 Posts: 370
    I hope everything will get better for you...You are strong and you will make it though it!!!
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    I'm so sorry. :brokenheart: You have a good cry, you deserve it. I'm praying for you. :flowerforyou:

    Betty
  • 12by311
    12by311 Posts: 1,716 Member
    I am trying my best to keep a smile on my face today but it's going to be really hard. I lost my mother last May to cancer and today is her birthday.

    Memaw, I can honestly say, I know exactly what you are going through. My mother passed away from breast cancer on October 6th of this past year...and her birthday was Saturday. I was sad all day long, but did okay as long as my mind and hands were busy. But I definitely had some breakdowns when the quietness comes. My mom was my very best friend. We were close. I live 1/2 a mile from where she lived (and I grew up). I pass her gravesite every day...she is buried on my dad and mom's farm, between my house and my parent's house.

    I've so very sorry for your loss. My only advice would be to talk about how you are feeling with someone that you know cares about you....even if you feel like you've already said the same thing over and over. I constantly tell my husband, "I'm sorry you have to hear this all again...." But he doesn't mind one bit. God bless.
  • memaw66
    memaw66 Posts: 2,558 Member
    Well the day is almost over and for the most part I have made it through. I did do lots of crying today and probably will do some more tonight but at least it's almost over, not the missing her just the day is almost over!!!


    Thanks again for all the kind words, they really meant a lot to me.


    Memaw:heart:
  • sweetassurance
    sweetassurance Posts: 461
    It is not easy losing some one so close and dear to your heart. I know I have lost my favorite sister, my ex-husband and more at a very young age. Life has thought me to be glad for the people that I do have. I praise God that I still have my mom. I do not know what I would do with out her. Yours has moved on but I pray that you will find the courage and strength to move forward in life. I am glad you did not turn to food. You are so brave! Good for you! I am so proud of you. Keep up the good Job.:flowerforyou:
  • heal4444
    heal4444 Posts: 709
    Thank you for reaching out. So sorry to hear what you are going thru. More than so much a person can bear at one time. We are with you. Perhaps, it's ok to cry a little and let it out. The energy, your emotions, you are safe, you will come thru the other side more whole, more grown.

    Take good care and keep us posted. Rest, eat well, move your body, and get good sleep. Take good care. You are not alone. Who of us on this board are not going thru something traumatic, dramatic, challenging in our lives. All we could ask of ourselves is to try our best, one step at a time, one day at a time, one moment at a time. We could only try our best. The rest leave it, and detach ourselves from the outcome. Everything happens for a reason. Be well, stay strong:flowerforyou:
  • purpleparadox
    purpleparadox Posts: 40
    *hugs* You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. :flowerforyou:
  • memaw66
    memaw66 Posts: 2,558 Member
    I made it through. I didn't turn to food for comfort but I did eat mexican food in honor of my mom. That was her favorite thing to do. I ate well during the day so I don't feel I over did it. I am going to the cemetary tomorrow to take her flowers and spend some time with her and dad (they are buried together). I feel better today. I know she is always with me and shows it in little ways so I am comforted that way but yesterday was really tough. Thanks and much love to all of you for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. I know mom would certainly appreciate it. She was such a special, kind, good woman!! Thanks again.

    Memaw
  • heal4444
    heal4444 Posts: 709
    Memaw,

    Your Mom passing away last may and yesterday was her birthday. Must be very hard. The first year is very hard. All the significant dates. Especially your mom passing in May with all the Mother's Day's reminders everywhere.

    So sorry to hear that not only you but your son is having a hard time with the death. Good your son is realizing he needs help and is seeking it.

    For you and your son, I thought I share with you a book title that really helped me when my father passed away years ago. This book really helped me and I have given away/recommended it to dozens of people over the years.

    _____________________

    Book is called:

    How to Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies

    by

    Therese A. Rando

    ____________________

    The author is very thorough. Covering every type of loss.

    Sudden vs anticipated
    Accident, illness, suicide, homicide.
    Death of a child whether stillborn, miscarriage, infant, teenager, adult
    Adult loss of a parent
    Loss of a spouse
    Loss of a friend
    Child losing a parent
    Loss of a sibling

    Every type of loss imaginable. She covers it and talks about every stage of grief and recovery.

    My caring, loving thoughts goes out to you and your family at this time. Thank you for reaching out to others for help in your time of need. Take good care of yourself. I know it's hard right now, but love yourself no matter what, love Life no matter what. I know that is what you Mom would have wanted. :heart: :heart: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • pipinana
    pipinana Posts: 2,356 Member
    I made it through. I didn't turn to food for comfort but I did eat mexican food in honor of my mom. That was her favorite thing to do. I ate well during the day so I don't feel I over did it. I am going to the cemetary tomorrow to take her flowers and spend some time with her and dad (they are buried together). I feel better today. I know she is always with me and shows it in little ways so I am comforted that way but yesterday was really tough. Thanks and much love to all of you for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. I know mom would certainly appreciate it. She was such a special, kind, good woman!! Thanks again.

    Memaw

    Glad you made it through Memaw.... :smile:

    :flowerforyou: for your mom and dad....
  • memaw66
    memaw66 Posts: 2,558 Member
    Memaw,

    Your Mom passing away last may and yesterday was her birthday. Must be very hard. The first year is very hard. All the significant dates. Especially your mom passing in May with all the Mother's Day's reminders everywhere.

    So sorry to hear that not only you but your son is having a hard time with the death. Good your son is realizing he needs help and is seeking it.

    For you and your son, I thought I share with you a book title that really helped me when my father passed away years ago. This book really helped me and I have given away/recommended it to dozens of people over the years.

    _____________________

    Book is called:

    How to Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies

    by

    Therese A. Rando

    ____________________

    The author is very thorough. Covering every type of loss.

    Sudden vs anticipated
    Accident, illness, suicide, homicide.
    Death of a child whether stillborn, miscarriage, infant, teenager, adult
    Adult loss of a parent
    Loss of a spouse
    Loss of a friend
    Child losing a parent
    Loss of a sibling

    Every type of loss imaginable. She covers it and talks about every stage of grief and recovery.

    My caring, loving thoughts goes out to you and your family at this time. Thank you for reaching out to others for help in your time of need. Take good care of yourself. I know it's hard right now, but love yourself no matter what, love Life no matter what. I know that is what you Mom would have wanted. :heart: :heart: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

    Thank you. I will look for it this weekend, that might also help my son! He is taking it very hard and I think it is messing all of his other relationships. He was sooooooooo close to Mom.
  • heal4444
    heal4444 Posts: 709
    Hi Memaw,



    You are so welcome. Yes, I do think the book would be helpful to both you and your son. Must be hard on you and your son since you were both very very close to her. So insightful that he/you are realizing that it is affecting all his relationships. Awarenes is the first step towards growth.

    _________________________

    My favorite quote I have ever read in any book is by Daphne Rose Kingma who wrote Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours.


    The quote is

    "Time does not heal all wounds. Insight does"

    _______________________________________________

    How true. How true. That is why after I was fortunate enough to heal from the insights I've read in Rando's How to.... book, I have recommended it to everyone who told me they were going thru grieving because I do know "time does not heal all wounds. Insight does."

    And Rando's book is full of healing insights

    Here is the link to Rando's book on Amazon.

    You can click "Click to Look Inside."

    Shows:
    Front Cover
    Back Cover
    Table of Contents ( 5 Parts to the book. Part I, II, III, IV, and V)
    Index
    Exerpts of many many pages of the book

    I looked up my copy just now.

    In Part III, covers Grieving and Your Family.
    It is in this part where you will find:

    Adult loss of a Parent is covered starting on Page. 137
    Loss of a Grandparent is on Page. 149


    http://www.amazon.com/Living-When-Someone-Love-Dies/dp/0553352695

    My best to you. Very healthy for you to reach out to others for help. Very healthy. Keep us posted of what yours and your son's progress.

    I wish you and your family not only comfort, and strength but most of all, healing in your time of pain.
    Take good care.

    Heal4444:heart:
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