MY MOTHER!!!

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k1229
k1229 Posts: 135
in Motivation and Support
Is driving me insane.

We have a set up whereby, she leaves work, drives ten minutes to collect me from my office, we go to the gym together, and then i either stay at hers, or get the bus home.

Now, mum lives about 10 minutes from the gym.

Shes now starting to complain, that having to drop me at the bus is becoming a pain - despite it being en route to her house...no deviations...same road!!! and what she wants is for me to come back to hers after the gym for dinner, and then she will take me to the bus. this means that instead of me getting home at 7.30pm im now not going to get home until after 9pm.

So whilst its "convenient" for her...its really hindering my nights, as i cant get anything done...i dont want to stop going to the gym, but i cant be getting home after 9 everynight, as i have washing and ironing and cleaning and stuff to do!! and i cant be doing all that when i eventually get home, as its just too late to start all that crap!!

I dont see why she cant drop me en route and have dinner without me...

and talking about it just puts her in a mood so thats no use either.

Im booking my driving test tomorrow!!!!!!!!!

Replies

  • tammykoon
    tammykoon Posts: 298 Member
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    Sounds to me like your mom wants to spend time with you. It's sweet, but probably annoying. Sometimes we forget that mom's are people. Maybe she's going through something and feels lonely.
  • Obstinate07
    Obstinate07 Posts: 89
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    I agree tammy, sounds likes she just wants to spend time with you. However, maybe you should try talking to her about it.
  • k1229
    k1229 Posts: 135
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    nope! thats so not my mum, shes disgustingly happily married and has an hugely active social life, and is about the least lonely person i can think of.

    but what she is, is picky. she picks on everything, and i cannot see the logic on this one. my mum is 48. shes not old, and shes not dependent on me for anything, shes got her panties in a big old bunch about nothing and shes driving me NUTS!! God knows i love her, but come on mum!!!
  • Artemis_Acorn
    Artemis_Acorn Posts: 836 Member
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    Sounds like a sticky issue. Maybe a compromise? Two nights on her schedule, three on yours?
  • reese66
    reese66 Posts: 2,920 Member
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    Maybe workout a compromise, you go back to her place every other night?
  • kater8er
    kater8er Posts: 364 Member
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    Sounds to me like your mom wants to spend time with you. It's sweet, but probably annoying. Sometimes we forget that mom's are people. Maybe she's going through something and feels lonely.

    They go to the gym together--isn't that spending time together? Every day too! I'd try and compromise--but it seems like that's what you were doing before....? Yes, moms are people, but children are ALSO people, and also have lives that they need to attend to. However I think that while she's driving you around, you're dependent on her in this way and you gotta make sacrifices and be thankful that she's willing to drive you at all...I'd try to explain to her nicely why that wouldn't work for you, but if she says she doesn't want to do that, ultimately she's the one driving and she's doing you a service, so there's not much you can do about it....:-(
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    How about asking her if you can come to her house a couple days a week and just go home the other couple days? Maybe this is her way of saying she wants to spend time with you? I don't know. But, I would try and talk to her about it - tell her you want to spend time with her, go to the gym with her, but that you can't come to her house every night as you have things to do. Then on the days you know you'll be going to her house - don't worry too much about your stuff at home.
  • ChantalGG
    ChantalGG Posts: 2,404 Member
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    Maybe offer her gas money..lol she might either shut up about it or take the money and drop you off.
  • AnnetteBlair
    AnnetteBlair Posts: 10 Member
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    Well, there's caring and affection, and then there's controlling. Sounds like Mom crossed the line. Gotta love 'em, but they're not perfect. How about a compromise? Tell Mom, nicely, that you can only eat with her twice a week because you have things that need to be done. Set up those two nights and DON'T budge. Sometimes when you love someone with boundary problems it can improve the relationship if YOU set boundaries. Then both you and her can plan and look forward to those two evenings...if she pushes for more you just tell her no. Remind her that you love her and are looking forward to seeing her on your next evening together. Be strong and it can work. P.S. a lot of time people with weight problems also have boundary issues! You'll find that the more you set up strict boundaries for yourself, the healthier you will become. <3 Good luck! Be strong!
  • k1229
    k1229 Posts: 135
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    Sounds like a sticky issue. Maybe a compromise? Two nights on her schedule, three on yours?

    currently were doing this 3 nights a week - i live 16 miles away from mum, and for the first 6 weeks i was staying over each of the nigths we were gyming it.

    initially she stated that if i wanted to stay that was of course fine, and then if i wanted to get the bus thats fine, and that she would drive me home one night a week. i only let her do that once...im happy to get the bus. its not fair to make her drive me home. despite her offering....16 mile drive there and 16 miles back. not fair.

    But now the simple act of dropping me at the bus stop is too much... and im confused!!! lol.

    Mothers, who'd ave em! LOL.
  • ChantalGG
    ChantalGG Posts: 2,404 Member
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    You need to find a gym closer to your own home.
  • k1229
    k1229 Posts: 135
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    Maybe offer her gas money..lol she might either shut up about it or take the money and drop you off.

    HA! she would never take it. not in a million years.
  • MrBrown72
    MrBrown72 Posts: 407 Member
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    Get a car, use a closer gym, visit on the weekends. I don't think 27 is too young to drive, as long as you can hang up the cell phone while doing it.

    Also just because you mom has lots of friends does not mean they can replace her daughter. We'd all like to spend more time with the people we love as opposed to those we just like.

    Other than that, good on you for taking the time and effort to go to the gym, even if the rout is a little annoying. Looking at your photo's it's paying off.
  • k1229
    k1229 Posts: 135
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    Well, there's caring and affection, and then there's controlling. Sounds like Mom crossed the line. Gotta love 'em, but they're not perfect. How about a compromise? Tell Mom, nicely, that you can only eat with her twice a week because you have things that need to be done. Set up those two nights and DON'T budge. Sometimes when you love someone with boundary problems it can improve the relationship if YOU set boundaries. Then both you and her can plan and look forward to those two evenings...if she pushes for more you just tell her no. Remind her that you love her and are looking forward to seeing her on your next evening together. Be strong and it can work. P.S. a lot of time people with weight problems also have boundary issues! You'll find that the more you set up strict boundaries for yourself, the healthier you will become. <3 Good luck! Be strong!

    my mum is a size 10.
  • k1229
    k1229 Posts: 135
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    You need to find a gym closer to your own home.

    there arent any. :0(
  • k1229
    k1229 Posts: 135
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    Get a car, use a closer gym, visit on the weekends. I don't think 27 is too young to drive, as long as you can hang up the cell phone while doing it.

    Also just because you mom has lots of friends does not mean they can replace her daughter. We'd all like to spend more time with the people we love as opposed to those we just like.

    Other than that, good on you for taking the time and effort to go to the gym, even if the rout is a little annoying. Looking at your photo's it's paying off.

    I dont think 27 is too young to drive - ive been driving for years but have never had the motivation to want to actually drive, whereas now i do want my licence and am booking my test thru my instructor tomorrow. unfortunately there are no closer gyms. sad face.
  • k1229
    k1229 Posts: 135
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    thank you all for your help. x
  • MrBrown72
    MrBrown72 Posts: 407 Member
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    Get a car, use a closer gym, visit on the weekends. I don't think 27 is too young to drive, as long as you can hang up the cell phone while doing it.

    Also just because you mom has lots of friends does not mean they can replace her daughter. We'd all like to spend more time with the people we love as opposed to those we just like.

    Other than that, good on you for taking the time and effort to go to the gym, even if the rout is a little annoying. Looking at your photo's it's paying off.

    I dont think 27 is too young to drive - ive been driving for years but have never had the motivation to want to actually drive, whereas now i do want my licence and am booking my test thru my instructor tomorrow. unfortunately there are no closer gyms. sad face.

    Can't say I really wanted to drive either. Not while living in a city anyway. What the world needs is personal trainers that provide transportation.

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