Self sabotage

brimom19
brimom19 Posts: 78 Member
edited February 2018 in Health and Weight Loss
It's really a pattern in my life. I get within spitting distance of my goal and I just stop. Started in high school. I was a senior weighed 218 and lost to 170... on the dot 170. And thenjust stopped. Went through college not worrying about weight, but crept to 218, bypassed it and went to 250. After college lost about 25 pounds, had a child and then just forgot about the weight.... went through 7 years of a hellacious abusive relationship... crept up to 275. Lost to 200 and then just stopped... gained back 95 pounds. So 295 scared me.. freaked me out. That was just 5 pounds from being 300 pounds. That's scary to me. Lost down to 254 and put 25 pounds of it back in. Starting again a couple of weeks ago at 270. I have to break this cycle. If anyone out there knows an answer or a solution or , hell just some good advice please send it my way.

Replies

  • pamfgil
    pamfgil Posts: 449 Member
    Therapy might help, you need to figure out what you gain from being bigger. Think of the brain as a collection of modules, one module is conservative and struggling to maintain the status quo, the other sees potential for better and wants things to change. If you can work out how to appease the conservative part and encourage the radical you will do well
  • DebLaBounty
    DebLaBounty Posts: 1,172 Member
    You’ve been able to be successful in increments. Remember that you’ve done it before you can do it again. Just don’t stop again. It’s really that straightforward. Use MFP. Be diligent. Develop the habits you need and the rest will follow. Good luck!
  • CattOfTheGarage
    CattOfTheGarage Posts: 2,750 Member
    Ah, the dreaded "wall". They discussed this on a recent episode of the Half Size Me podcast - I'm afraid I can't remember which one - they said they thought it was just down to resistance to change and fear of the unknown.

    They suggested changing your focus, consciously not thinking of the big picture. Don't think "I'm going to get under 200lb this month!" - avoid that thought completely. Instead think "I'm going to try and lose 4lb this month" or whatever your incremental goal is.

    They even suggested not actually weighing as you pass the "wall", just focusing on tracking for a while to take your mind off it.

    All this assumes that your "wall" is just ordinary fear of the unknown and not a specific fear associated with it in your specific case, in which case you'll have to follow that up and deal with it.

    The human brain is a funny thing.
  • ereck44
    ereck44 Posts: 1,171 Member
    You need to develop some good habits. Try tracking every day, weighing your foods....just do it for one week. Don't even worry about a calorie goal at first...just try to see how many calories you eat per day. Then put your numbers in mfp....shoot for a pound a week loss...so that you are really not giving up much in way of food choices. If there are trigger foods that you can't stop eating, put them aside for now. For me it was pizza. Now I can eat one or two pieces and stop but it took 5 years to do it. Prior to that, I couldn't stop until I ate 5 or 6 pieces. Something that I read.....a goal is a dream with a plan.
  • cheryldumais
    cheryldumais Posts: 1,931 Member
    Wow, you are amazing that you have lost that much weight in the past. You proved you can do it. Now you need to accept that you DESERVE it. You deserve to be happy and healthy. I think some personal counselling could be useful if you can afford it and find someone you can trust. It can be daunting to have a lot of weight to lose and I know because I went as high as 251. I'm at 143 now. It took me my whole life to get a handle on it. Don't do that to yourself. I'm 61 and even so it is wonderful to be a "normal" size when I was obese my whole life. Don't try to lose everything all at once. Take your time and try to ease in to it. In the past when I lost and gained it was because the diet I did was not sustainable. No one could eat that way forever. I figured I'd lose the weight first then change my lifestyle. That never works. Good luck.
  • Start tracking here and don't give up, you're gonna have really good days and you're gonna have bad days, just keep going.
  • MegaMooseEsq
    MegaMooseEsq Posts: 3,119 Member
    Wow, you are amazing that you have lost that much weight in the past. You proved you can do it. Now you need to accept that you DESERVE it. You deserve to be happy and healthy. I think some personal counselling could be useful if you can afford it and find someone you can trust. It can be daunting to have a lot of weight to lose and I know because I went as high as 251. I'm at 143 now. It took me my whole life to get a handle on it. Don't do that to yourself. I'm 61 and even so it is wonderful to be a "normal" size when I was obese my whole life. Don't try to lose everything all at once. Take your time and try to ease in to it. In the past when I lost and gained it was because the diet I did was not sustainable. No one could eat that way forever. I figured I'd lose the weight first then change my lifestyle. That never works. Good luck.

    I absolutely agree with all of this. It seems like you know how to lose weight just fine, but your problem is maintaining. Like @cheryldumais said, try looking at this from a different perspective (and counseling might be a big help, too) - start building a plan for how you're going to keep that weight off long-term and bake that into your weight-loss efforts. I've found it helpful to read about people who've successfully maintained - that's how I found this website, in fact! The maintenance forum here has some great posts, the National Weight Control Registry studies people who've lost at least 30 pounds and kept it off at least a year (and often much more), and the book "Thin for Life" interviews people who've successfully maintained and lays out some great long-term strategies. You can definitely do this, but if what you've done before hasn't worked, it's time to try something new. Good luck!
  • CSARdiver
    CSARdiver Posts: 6,257 Member
    Wow, you are amazing that you have lost that much weight in the past. You proved you can do it. Now you need to accept that you DESERVE it. You deserve to be happy and healthy. I think some personal counselling could be useful if you can afford it and find someone you can trust. It can be daunting to have a lot of weight to lose and I know because I went as high as 251. I'm at 143 now. It took me my whole life to get a handle on it. Don't do that to yourself. I'm 61 and even so it is wonderful to be a "normal" size when I was obese my whole life. Don't try to lose everything all at once. Take your time and try to ease in to it. In the past when I lost and gained it was because the diet I did was not sustainable. No one could eat that way forever. I figured I'd lose the weight first then change my lifestyle. That never works. Good luck.

    I absolutely agree with all of this. It seems like you know how to lose weight just fine, but your problem is maintaining. Like @cheryldumais said, try looking at this from a different perspective (and counseling might be a big help, too) - start building a plan for how you're going to keep that weight off long-term and bake that into your weight-loss efforts. I've found it helpful to read about people who've successfully maintained - that's how I found this website, in fact! The maintenance forum here has some great posts, the National Weight Control Registry studies people who've lost at least 30 pounds and kept it off at least a year (and often much more), and the book "Thin for Life" interviews people who've successfully maintained and lays out some great long-term strategies. You can definitely do this, but if what you've done before hasn't worked, it's time to try something new. Good luck!

    Yes! Read these two posts repeatedly!

    Change is one of the scariest concepts to the human brain - even improvement is terrifying.

    You have to break down your behavior into base habit. Identify those habits that brought you to successful weight management and reinforce these. Identify those "bad" habits that led to you being overweight and replace these with "good" habits. The brain works much like grooves in a record and you cannot simply stop habits - you need to replace this with one that leads you toward a desired goal.

    I'm also a participant in the National Weight Control Registry and have adopted the habits that lead to success:

    http://www.nwcr.ws/research/default.htm
  • appy85
    appy85 Posts: 28 Member
    Sounds very much like my story, I have been successful on many times, the most I have ever lost was 70 lbs when I challenged myself to go vegan for 10 months. I became ill and ended up in ICU with an obstructed airway and had to be intubated with a 5mm tube for 6 days (they still do not know what caused this.) Because I lost so much strength and energy I slowly introduced animal products back into my life starting with chicken and fish. I never gained it all back but I never really lost anymore until 2016 when I began meal replacements, and walking. Since then I have lost total 87 lbs. I agree, if you focus on your past success and realize that you are VERY capable of doing it again and that it is all up to you, you will begin to see success again! My weight loss has stopped because I fell into a depression after my marriage failed due to abuse that was spurred on ironically by my weight loss. I have recognized the error of my ways and my emotional eating and my sugar addiction did creep back in but I am starting NOW, and this post is my 1st in fact I just came back about 45 minutes ago so I am really JUST NOW doing the same! We can get ourselves back on track together! :) I am doing the same thing for the last 52 lbs I want to lose hence my return to MFP! Back to Basics! WE GOT THIS! kzhcmuuv7f9u.png

  • brimom19
    brimom19 Posts: 78 Member
    Thank all of you for the great advice. This weight I have struggled with all my life. I am ready to conquer it.
  • jnomadica
    jnomadica Posts: 280 Member
    Like someone said above, this really needs to be a sustainable change, not something you stop. Perhaps focus on just making small changes. Even if you cut calories by just 100/day, which is really painless, you’d be down over 50 pounds in the next five years. Combine that with a brief brisk walk to burn another 100 calories a day, and you’ve lost over 100 in 5 years. In your case I think slow and steady might possibly be better in the long run.
  • CSARdiver
    CSARdiver Posts: 6,257 Member
    jnomadica wrote: »
    Like someone said above, this really needs to be a sustainable change, not something you stop. Perhaps focus on just making small changes. Even if you cut calories by just 100/day, which is really painless, you’d be down over 50 pounds in the next five years. Combine that with a brief brisk walk to burn another 100 calories a day, and you’ve lost over 100 in 5 years. In your case I think slow and steady might possibly be better in the long run.

    This is really good advice.

    Think of weight management just like any other pursuit of excellence. Gaining knowledge takes years. Gaining wealth takes years. Mastering weight management is no different and while some can do this quickly, this also increases the possibility of failing just as quickly. Move slowly and deliberately and learn about yourself throughout this process.