need help: extreme exhaustion and panic attacks

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So to make a long story short, I've been under extreme stress the last couple of months: 4 close loved ones are very ill, 1 with no chance of recovery, and the 3 others in varying degrees of potential success. (I've been providing care for all of them at some point or another)

In addtion, my dh and I had our hearts broken when we had to turn down a child for adoption last week. We only just discovered that the child we'd been hoping for and waiting for (for 3 months) has so many mental illnesses that she is extremely violent towards people and has tortured animals. We found out that we'd have to lock her up in her room at night because its a reasonable expectation that she'll try to kill us in our sleep. That's a afar cry from what we were originally told about her being a fun charismatic little girl who liked princess stuff and swimming (so yeah we had to decline - but I'd spent 3 months excited with the idea of having a child of my own, so it was hard to say no)

The result?

I'm exhausted all the time - I can barely keep my eyes open. And even when I do get a solid's night sleep I wake up feeling like I've been hit by a mac truck.

the slightest little thing goes wrong, or I run a few minutes late for something and I have full on panic attacks. Hyperventalating, chest pain and dizzy spells.

Its making it almost impossible to get any exercise in because my time is cramped due to responsibilites and as soon as I try, a panic attack ensues.

I've talk to my doctor who wasn't terribly helpful. (he's just monitoring it)

I know if I can get my diet back on track, I'll start to feel a little better, and hopefully that change would allow me to get in a bit of exercise. But its been hard as I can't get in the shopping or cooking I used to.

So what can you recommend that's super easy to do and doesn't require much effort that would help? Any super easy recipes, or food choices that would help? (I can't have dairy)

Any advice is appreciated.
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Replies

  • MissTomGettingThin
    MissTomGettingThin Posts: 776 Member
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    Hi
    I'm so sorry you are under such pressure and so stressed.
    My simple advice - for what it's worth, is to get a second opinion from your doctor.

    I'm no good with recipes but any exercise is better than none.

    best wishes.
    Amanda
  • maddymama
    maddymama Posts: 1,183 Member
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    Hi,
    It sounds like you are in a very frustrating spot.
    It also sounds like you need to put yourself FIRST, and give yourself a break. Take a day or two or three off of work and do nothing except sleep and eat healthy (maybe with some light exercise like a walk in a park). Go see another doctor- this "monitoring" it isn't quite working out for you. Get a second opinion if you feel it's needed. Meditate. Schedule a spa day or weekend. Make time to get to the food store and eat healthy. Your body will thank you for feeding it good food.
    If you can't take care of yourself you can't take care of anyone else. You don't want to make yourself sick, but your body is telling you that you are well on your way to it. SLOW DOWN.
  • RTricia
    RTricia Posts: 720
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    breathe through your nose when you can.

    some people have a tendency to breathe shallow breaths through their mouth (not fully inflating the lungs) which makes their bodies think they are in crisis for air (it's true!) which does cause panic attacks.
  • Homer3D
    Homer3D Posts: 318
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    First I want to say that I am sorry to hear about your loved ones. I too have a loved one that was given “6 months to live” and we are now in the 7th month. So I always have that in the back of my head that any day now may be the “day”. I don’t even know what to say about that adoption issue. But with all that, I can understand that your mental state may not be where it is suppose to be. I strongly suggest that you find a local support group so you can be with people and talk about the issues you are facing. The internet is great for finding information but it cannot replace the value of real human contact. You will be shocked by what a hug from a very supportive person can do for you. Good luck. I wish there was more I could do.
  • scantrll
    scantrll Posts: 271 Member
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    I would do crock pot meals. That way, you throw them on at the beginning of your day, and there's very rarely a set time for them to be done. One less stress you would have to deal with.

    http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/

    This is a great source for crock pot recipes and she tells you honestly if its a good recipe or a dud.

    I'm so sorry about everything you're going through. Just take it a day at a time and always remember to breathe.
  • sugarlovebug
    sugarlovebug Posts: 158 Member
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    I would suggest seeing a different doctor. Just monitering is not going to help you at this point in time. I'm not a doctor, but I think a low dose of a anti-anxiety med would help, but that's if you and your doctor think it would be helpful for you personally. there are meds out there that are not long term, just when they are needed. I have panic attacks every few months, I only take my meds when I feel them coming, otherwise I do not take them. they help me a lot!
  • IndigoVA
    IndigoVA Posts: 164 Member
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    I'm very sorry for what you're going through. I also suffer from panic attacks. They started for me as part of post-partum depression after having my 2nd child. I finally went to my doc and got some Xanax. Honestly, I hardly ever take them, but just knowing they're in the house in case the panic attacks get too bad makes me feel better. Also, if I am too wound up to sleep at night, taking one really helps me calm down enough to go to sleep. A full night's sleep makes a huge difference when you have anxiety. I was also prescribed Buspar (another anti-anxiety drug without the sedative side effects of Xanax). It didn't work for me, but I've heard it has worked wonders for others. I think your doc should be doing more than just monitoring you. You should try to get a 2nd opinion.
  • A_New_Horizon
    A_New_Horizon Posts: 1,555 Member
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    wow - I am sorry for the curveballs that life has thrown you lately. Sometimes, it feels like life is more than we can handle, but it isn't. It only makes us stronger (I promise). I have had my fair share of life changed events which I won't get into right now. I don't have ideas about eating habits or what to cook. As for exericising, why don't you just start with some walking and build up from there. Walking can be both relaxing and cardio. Put on some tunes you enjoy and walk away. Since your doctor doesn't seem to be much help, have you thought about counseling (just a suggestion)? I went to counseling for myself, and it really does help.
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
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    The very best thing you can do right now is to try to ease your stress. Getting exercise isn't going to help your weight loss nearly as much as reducing some of that cortisol which is flooding your system and to get better sleep. I can honestly say I have been where you are (not the situation, but the stress symptoms) and I respond to stress in the same way. A low dosage anti-anxiety medication helped immensely for the few months that I really needed them. I was able to sleep properly at home and able to deal with my day without wanting to curl up in a ball underneath my desk to sleep.

    You might find that a short walk, or even an easy jog, helps your stress level a bit, and that's really all of the exercise I would suggest until things get more stabilized.

    Crock pot meals are awesome. Stir fry is really easy, especially if you use the pre-packaged asian or stir fry frozen veggie mixes. You might look at doing some menu pre-planning or bulk cooking on one of your "days off". Freeze what you make so you can just grab and go another night. Making extra servings in the crockpot can help towards that, too.
  • spackham
    spackham Posts: 252 Member
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    You have had some difficult things going on so pats on the back for shouldering it all. Take care of yourself first cause you will be a better caregiver if you do. It is okay to have your loved ones missing you and your help a little bit while you take the little bit of time you need to care for your own mental and physical well being. Now to answer your question.

    Fast and Easy:

    Frozen meals. High sodium and pricey but worth it. I have them often and they have been crucial to my success. I know fresh cooked is better but I can't always or even want to do it. I buy the ones on sale with a few favorites that are full-price. I have gotten Lean Cuisines for $1.27 and I buy enough to fill an entire shelf in my full-size freezer; but those prices are rare.

    Vegi burrito. Any kind of frozen veg medley or fresh works too. Cook veg. Add any kind of sauce as a topping like teriyaki or just salt and pepper or salsa or any dried spice medley. Be creative. Put in heated tortilla. Wah-la.

    Sandwiches. I love them. Or toast. Love toast too with sandwich toppings or PandJ or cottage cheese. No cheese for you.

    100 cal soups. Super high sodium so I dont have it often

    Salads. Cut up all your toppings for a few days worth of salads and store them is separate containers. Add some fajita style frozen chicken to your salad. Have 3 different kinds of dressing on hand so you can have it taste different. I add salsa to my Ranch. Wait. You can't have dairy. Salsa would be just fine or you could mix it with smashed avocado to get some creaminess.

    Black Bean and Corn Salsa: Several recipes out there. I mix and match and use whatever is on hand. at home. I have used hot canned tomatos for the heat even though I don't care for canned tomatoes but it is quicker and easier than cutting up a hot pepper. I make a ton and eat it for about 4-5 days. I add avocado on demand so it will lasts longer. I add it to almost anything... eggs, burrito, salad topping, tacos, rice, whatever.

    Take Care of yourself. Don't feel guilty for doing what you need to feel good and be healthy. Get back that spark that makes people smile when you enter the room because you feel light and happy and full of energy. The people that need your help would want you to do that. If you don't believe me, ask them.
  • ljmeep
    ljmeep Posts: 29
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    I'm so sorry to hear all that's bogging you down. To say "that's rough" is an understatement. I've had issues w/ panic attacks in the past and found that I could work myself through them after a while. All I had to do was sit down, close my eyes and very diliberately force myself to take very slow and controlled breaths.... in through my nose and out through my mouth. Also sometimes a few minutes(3 to 5) of just sitting in silent meditation can make an unbelievable difference when your high strung.

    As for easy ways to eat a lil' healthier... I find buying and keeping the precut fresh fruits and vegies in the fridge is an easy breakfast or snack on the fly. I also like the idea suggested earlier to use crockpot meals... I dunno how many healthy recipees are out there for crock pots (i know there are a few), but it would certainly take the stress of cooking off your sholders and that sounds like something you really need right now.

    I really hope things get a lil' easier for you...
  • futurekilousky
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    I am so sorry! You must be feeling super frustrated, I have been in situations like that. I dont know how bad your anxiety/panic attacks get but there are these natural drops called "rescue remedy" They are a lifesaver, I have been on and off psychiatric meds and these drops really do relax me. Also, chamomille tea at night. Find something just for yourself to do. Long shower, go for a walk, read? Hang in there
  • DeBlue
    DeBlue Posts: 254 Member
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    Some more things you should try....

    Understand panic attacks are temporary, and get confident you can wait them out. When you feel it start, focus on breathing deep and steady. Really think about the in and out. If they come on during a workout, just slow down a bit, i.e. walk instead of run, and really focus on the breathing. You will be amazed at how you regain your confidence that yes you can manage these. And this becomes a melting snowball where they happen less and less often over time. Be patient and kind to yourself.

    You might also add B-complex and Niacin (B3) as these naturally help with depression and anxiety. Hope these will help you. And that your concerns for loved ones are resolved soon.
  • shelbygeorge29
    shelbygeorge29 Posts: 263 Member
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    I would suggest seeing a different doctor.

    Absolutely this. A GP is not really equipped to handle mental health issues, I would look to find a clinician that you connect with to help you as you go through what sounds like very extreme stresses.

    Try your best to get some sort of exercise in, walks can be amazing stress relievers. But please take the pressure off yourself and weight loss. I don't mean to drown your sorrows in cheeseburgers, but when you're dealing with enormous life stresses such as yours right now, something has to take a back seat.

    Stay strong!
  • Persipan
    Persipan Posts: 85 Member
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    I ended up so stressed earlier this year that I was off work for a month (and basically spent the whole of that month sitting in a chair, pretty much unable to move or do anything), and it was months more before I was back full-time. So, I definitely sympathise with what you're feeling. (Not that I wouldn't anyway, but you know what I mean.)

    Exercise-wise, it would probably be a good idea to do something that'll make you feel relaxed. If you're feeling really exhausted and panicky, then doing some massive cardio workout just isn't going to happen. Maybe something like yoga? I'd say, rather than going for any full-on calorie-burning or strength work or whatever, just aim for something that'll give you a little bit of time to centre yourself, breathe, and be calm.

    Frankly, your doctor sounds a bit pants. I agree with those who've said to seek another opinion, although I should also say, I got very frustrated with my doctor while I was ill, and in retrospect I think what she was trying to tell me was that she knew I felt horrible but that the main cure for that would be time. (She did give me anti-depressants, too, though, and those helped!)

    Most of my easy-peasy cooking involves shoving things in the oven (often leaving it in there to cook while I do my workout). Roast veg (roughly chop sweet potatoes - don't bother to peel them - onions, and peppers, and roast then in the teeniest bit of oil; then towards the end throw in some whole cherry tomatoes and when they've heated through, mix in a spoonful of pesto or similar); baked sweet potatoes; baked fish or chicken (pop it on a bit of foil, rub on any or all of garlic, lemongrass, chilli, ginger (you can get each of those mushed up in a tube, so you just squeeze a bit on), wrap it up and bake it; and maybe shove a dish in beside it with a tin of chopped tomatoes with herbs and garlic, and a tin of butter beans, mixed together, to have with it). That sort of thing.

    And I know you don't need me to tell you this, but you've done an incredibly brave and responsible thing in turning down the adoption. You wouldn't have done yourselves or the little girl any good by taking on a situation that wasn't something you were equipped to deal with, and you've helped her in the best way you possibly could by saying so. There's no better proof than that of how fantastic a parent you'll be when you do get to adopt. Stay strong, stay calm, and you'll get through.
  • dungardove
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    A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience,
    Raised a glass of water and asked, 'How heavy is this glass of water?'

    Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

    The lecturer replied, 'The absolute weight doesn't matter.
    It depends on how long you try to hold it.
    If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem..
    If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.
    If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.
    In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.'

    He continued,
    'And that's the way it is with stress management.
    If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later,
    The burden will become increasingly heavy:
    And we won't be able to carry on. '

    'As with the glass of water,
    You have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again..
    When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.
    So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down: don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow.
    Whatever burdens you're carrying now,
    Let them down for a moment if you can.'

    So, my friend, Put down anything that may be a burden to you right now. Don't pick it up again until after you've rested a while.
  • redefiningmyself
    redefiningmyself Posts: 476 Member
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    thanks everyone. :flowerforyou:
  • sanura
    sanura Posts: 459 Member
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    I agree with some of the comments here.
    relaxing activity rather than a full workout will help reduce the cortisol and physical symptons of stress
    crock pot meals are great, so is roasting (easiest ever = chicken breast, baby potatoes, carrots and some chicken broth)
    a few comments of my own:
    fresh raw food is easy and nutritious, especially if you feel too tired for a meal.
    your family knows you are stressed, they love you and want to help,
    and it's okay to not fix everyone.
    best wishes,
  • pinkgigi
    pinkgigi Posts: 693 Member
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    Oh I love the glass of water analogy. My therapist explained it as all the stress filling up your 'bucket', eventually if you cannot find what empties the bucket or do not take time to do it, it fills up and any other little thing added, makes it spill over, that's when a panic attack hits.

    I know it's hard but sometimes we have to ask for help, can someone else take up the slack helping others for a day, a week? Remember if you were not there to do it, someone else would have to anyway? I needed to do that when I cared for my mother for years, and then my husband got sick, I had to admit I couldn't do it any more. Was I a failure, a bad daughter? No I was just human.

    You need to empty your bucket girl as otherwise you will become less and less able to do the things you normally do. You don't want to think about the alternative. My Mum ended up having to get meals-on-wheels and home help, that is OK it is life.

    I'm all for pre-packaged. I really have stressed a lot in life about providing the best quality meals, but sometimes you have to compromise to fit the circumstances. I also do the shoving veggies in to roast while I go for a walk, and some chicken breast slices with some soy/oil/garlic. Pre-packaged pasta with some mushrooms and onions also works for us. I cook a lot in the pressure cooker and have leftovers the next day.

    You don't have to 'do it all', others in the family could do it, I challenge you to look to someone you can 'hand something over' to.

    Love and best wishes
    GG
  • catsinpajamas
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    Wow-- I'm so sorry your suffering so much loss right now. All of the food suggestions on here are fantastic. Don't forget to take time to do what you need to do to take care of yourself too. Sometimes that means eating at maintenance calories instead of loss calories.
    Make sure to listen to your body too. You may need more rest right now. Of course, this isn't an excuse to lay down on your goals but at the same time you can't deny that what you're dealing with emotionally is affecting you physically. You can't just positive your way out of what you're going through.
    My biggest advice is to know that it's okay. Your feelings are valid and the anxiety is real. Try to eat balanced and not go over your maintenance calories for a while while you sort out all that you've gone through.