For those with an overweight SO

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  • spiriteagle99
    spiriteagle99 Posts: 3,686 Member
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    My husband and I have been together for 25 years. During that time, we've both been up and down as much as 50 pounds. Neither of us is bothered when the other is heavier. I think he's hot at every size; he says I'm beautiful, whatever my weight. I am aware that part of his weight issue is my fault. I run marathons, so have days when I eat a lot. Since I cook for two, he ends up eating more than he needs, because he isn't doing as much exercise. I notice when his weight goes up, but it doesn't change the way I feel about him. ATM, I know he thinks I'm too thin, but he loves me just the same.
  • Sp1tfire
    Sp1tfire Posts: 1,120 Member
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    I'm attracted to a lot of body types so It would not be a problem in that area. But health wise i guess a piece of me would be worried if things were going downhill fast and getting worse and worse.
  • Lesscookies1
    Lesscookies1 Posts: 250 Member
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    I'm about 8 pounds overweight right now, and my SO did notice when I was heavier. Before I was actually almost 50 pounds overweight, and he wanted us to workout together, and we hit the gym, and started making meals more at home except for once every 2 weeks going somewhere like chipotle haha. So yeah my SO was definitely a motivator that helped me lose my weight because who doesn't want to be healthier? I have a little bit to go, but it's happening. When we first got together I was at a healthy weight, but my office job and lack of activity got me obese, and now I'm close to my goal.
  • acorsaut89
    acorsaut89 Posts: 1,147 Member
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    I was incredibly overweight when I was with my partner of 6 years . . . and he was super fit. Surprisingly he became less attracted to me as I started to lose weight. He was controlling and manipulative so it wasn't like a super healthy relationship - let's be honest. But he said he was no longer attracted to me when I started to get smaller.

    If I had a partner who was incredibly obese, I wouldn't be less attracted to him because he's obese but would I want him to lose weight? Yes of course - I would want him to be healthy so we could live a long and healthy life together, filled with tons of fun things. I wouldn't want him to be unable to be mobile, and I'd want him and I to be able to explore and enjoy life together in the healthiest way possible. I'd also want him to be healthy: being obese (and morbidly obese for that matter) leads to many complications down the road, especially if you've been big for a lot of your life. So yes I guess I would want him to be a healthy weight, but only for his sake . . . and maybe a bit of my own so that we can do things together. I'm not looking for an elite level athlete or anything, but someone who is healthy so we can enjoy our life. I guess that is a little selfish lol but really it doesn't mean I wouldn't be attracted to him, just for his sake I'd want him to be able to enjoy life.
  • TribeHokie
    TribeHokie Posts: 711 Member
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    BF and I have been together for 10 years. In that time I've put on up to 80 lbs and he's put on at least 50-60. He has gotten to the point in the past year where the sizes he's worn forever now don't fit and he's been remarking on needing to lose weight. The problem is anytime I try to have a discussion and explain a few basics (CICO, diet is more important than exercise, etc.) he doesn't believe me and nothing ever comes of it. I've lost 20-40 lbs a few times and put it back on, so he has seen that I know how to lose weight. I just try my best not to comment about the food and drink choices he makes because I know it ultimately will not lead anywhere unless he someday actually asks for my help. I'd be lying if I said I didn't internally shake my head at some of the choices he makes though. As for the attraction aspect, nothing has changed there on my end.
  • PokeyBug
    PokeyBug Posts: 482 Member
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    Absolutely not, unless I'm worried about his health. I'm worried about his health right now, and I've told him, but I will not bug him about it more than that. He says he's trying to lose, as am I, but neither of us is pushing the other, because we know that will just come off as nagging. My husband is the most gorgeous human being I know, no matter how much he weighs, and I think he feels the same way about me.
  • candylilacs
    candylilacs Posts: 614 Member
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    Oh, I know what you mean! I was 199 when I met him. He was 215.

    ME: 199 turned 340, and I was 277. DH: 215, then 190, then was 250, now 215.

    Out of 16 years we've been together I've fought my demons. And now I have the serenity that he loves me for me.
  • fitoverfortymom
    fitoverfortymom Posts: 3,452 Member
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    A few years ago, hubby quit smoking. I still smoked. I knew it frustrated him, but I told him I would quit when I was ready. I did--about a year after he quit, I also quit.

    Fast forward a little bit, we are both obese and I find MFP and start losing weight, and stick with it. He falters and doesn't want to count calories, etc. He loses a bit and then gains it back, all the while I have found my groove. A year and a half later, he's coming around. He doesn't track as closely as I do, but overall is getting that CICO is where it's at. His methods to get there are different (wayyyy more exercise), but he's getting there.

    The thing is, people have to get there on their own terms. I would love him to "do it just like I did" but I know it just won't go that way. I love him. He'll get there, and even if he doesn't, well, that's part of the deal of marriage.

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