Feel like giving up

JustineJCO
JustineJCO Posts: 14 Member
in Motivation and Support
I like counting calories and working out when I can but just want to give up. I do want to lose weight and stay in shape.

It's hard for me to keep counting calories when making meals for my family. My husband usually wants pizza, fried foods, rice etc well everything he wants has to many calories or carbs. I tried making myself healthier meals but he says im wasting food cause I cooked a meal for the family or he ordered something. So I just end up eating what I cooked which I no would be over My calorie goal even for one severing so eat a little bit and try to fill up on water which doesn't help now I feel like i'm starving so at times I over eat on some meals or eat junk cause my husband keeps buying chips, pop, candy etc. I told him several times that Im trying to lose weight and he's not helping by buying junk. He says "No one told you get on a diet" or thats your problem not mine"
I really wanna lose weight and get in shape but the people in my life are not supportive

Replies

  • CaliMomTeach
    CaliMomTeach Posts: 745 Member
    I make myself separate dinner from kids often. It's just easier for me, and better for them. I say just tell your husband too bad, he can have left-overs, and that you are making yourself the food you want to eat and that makes you feel healthy and full. Buy your own snacks that you can eat. I eat Skinny Pop Popcorn while my kids eat peanut butter filled pretzels. Drink diet soda if you want soda. Just get used to eating your own thing. Doesn't sound like he will change his eating habits. Only you can change your own. I buy my kids things I don't eat at all. My son likes Italian sausages with pasta. I make myself frozen turkey meatballs and measure my pasta when I make him that. It was harder at first to have the other food around, but once you get used to what you decide is just not worth the calories for you, it will be easier.
  • sgtx81
    sgtx81 Posts: 466 Member
    I'd say to hell with what he wants... personally, I'd tell him to man up... his wife's health is at stake and because of him acting like a kid with his meals you're having to suffer. Tell him to cook his own food or order whatever he wants and if that's the way he's gonna act you just cook for yourself and your kids. If he brings crap in that throws you off you throw it out. OK, I know most people wouldn't follow that advice or even appreciate it, but I would do that if it was me because, honestly, I have about zero tolerance for selfishness and stupidity unless it's my customers of course. If they pay me I grow tolerance all of a sudden, but I wouldn't even do it for a spouse. Again, that's just me.
  • lucerorojo
    lucerorojo Posts: 790 Member
    Is your husband overweight? I only ask because if he is, he may be unconsciously sabotaging you. He's making it about money and waste but it could be he does not want face that H E should be losing weight too.
  • Momepro
    Momepro Posts: 1,509 Member
    DebLaBounty wrote: »
    If he hates zucchini and eggplant, do you force him to eat it? No. If you decide not to have pizza, does he force you to eat it? Don’t give in. Tell him he’s free to eat what he wants, you’ll make your own food. “No one told you to go on a diet “?!? He means, HE didn’t tell you to go on a diet. Practice saying, “you’re not the boss of me” in your head when he bullies you like that. You get to decide what you will and will not eat. Keep coming to these forums - we’re rooting for you!

    And "No one told you to eat fried foods and pizza, deal with it."
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,529 Member
    Practice saying “you’re not the boss of me” in front of the mirror. Say it out loud. Say it until you believe it.

    Then practice saying “I’m not wasting food, you are.”

    I lost weight when I came to respect my own decision regarding my own life which was to get to a healthy weight. Don’t invest in the struggle for control, just go your own way.

    I never was able to get the junk food out of our house. I was able to get my helpful picks close by and easy to get. My meals were precooked on weekends. While the rest of the family was sitting down to whatever, I could pop my dinner in the microwave and be ready in a couple of minutes. They got used to it.
  • ValeriePlz
    ValeriePlz Posts: 517 Member
    Change creates strange behavior in people. When my mom visits, she tries to sabotage my weight loss efforts by bringing cookies and candy even when I've asked her not to. I think when people behave like this, they know that they need to make a change and don't want to. Some people get jealous / resentful of your changes.

    If he's going to have a bunch of junk food around and you don't want to eat it, put healthy snacks or meals in your kitchen to provide space for your own eating choices. I agree with others that no one is the boss of you, and he needs to hear that from you and to see it in your behavior.
  • TerranandKaylynsmommy
    TerranandKaylynsmommy Posts: 321 Member
    JustineJCO wrote: »
    I like counting calories and working out when I can but just want to give up. I do want to lose weight and stay in shape.

    It's hard for me to keep counting calories when making meals for my family. My husband usually wants pizza, fried foods, rice etc well everything he wants has to many calories or carbs. I tried making myself healthier meals but he says im wasting food cause I cooked a meal for the family or he ordered something. So I just end up eating what I cooked which I no would be over My calorie goal even for one severing so eat a little bit and try to fill up on water which doesn't help now I feel like i'm starving so at times I over eat on some meals or eat junk cause my husband keeps buying chips, pop, candy etc. I told him several times that Im trying to lose weight and he's not helping by buying junk. He says "No one told you get on a diet" or thats your problem not mine"
    I really wanna lose weight and get in shape but the people in my life are not supportive

    You've got this girly. I make separate meals for the fam a lot. But most of the time they eat what I do. Tell your hubby you need his support.
  • WorkerDrone83
    WorkerDrone83 Posts: 3,195 Member
    You shouldn't have to cook multiple meals to accommodate everyone. They can eat what you make (the presumably healthy meal) or they can learn to cook for themselves.
  • TerranandKaylynsmommy
    TerranandKaylynsmommy Posts: 321 Member
    WorkerDrone83 wrote: »
    You shouldn't have to cook multiple meals to accommodate everyone. They can eat what you make (the presumably healthy meal) or they can learn to cook for themselves.

    This ☝️☝️☝️
  • io8785a
    io8785a Posts: 35 Member
    Your husband sounds like a real jerk. Keep telling yourself "I am doing this for me. I am doing this for my health. I am doing this for my well-being. I am doing this because I love myself."

    Is there any way you can keep your husband's snacks in a separate pantry? Just give him a cupboard that you won't open/go near, and have him put all his junk food in that.
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
    Just as many people have mentioned that you need to take charge of your own diet, you need to let him be in charge of his own diet, including having foods you don't want to eat in the house. His cruelty could be an overreaction to feeling like you are trying to change him.

    My husband and I have very different dietary needs. I just view certain foods as his. I would need his permission to indulge in the check mix, for example. I don't ask him not to have checked mix. That is: while it could be phrased better, it really is your problem, not his.

    For family meals, I just leave out the starches for myself. Even if it is easier to get the kids to eat chicken nuggets, I will have regular chicken. I would even make enough to let the kids choose, making sure to use up the leftovers, or let them choose when you are prepping, if you trust them not to change their minds. If your husband refuses to try out corn tortillas, continue to have taco night with crispy tacos for the rest of the family, but regular tortillas or lettuce wraps for yourself. Whatever it is your family eats that is so problematic, add a veggie to each meal. Making tuna casserole? Have a side of broccoli, the fiber will help you feel fuller.
  • betty_veronica4
    betty_veronica4 Posts: 196 Member
    First, I am sorry you are going through this. It is hard when your partner doesn't outwardly support positive goals you have set for yourself. I really hope it gets easier.

    If reaching your fitness goals is something you really want, I encourage you to find your voice and tell your husband why this is important to you....and stick to it.

    It is definitely possible that your husband could be threatened (whether he knows it or not) by your desire to change - maybe it calls attention to his relative lack of focus on fitness, maybe he is afraid you will massively increase your "hotness" and get attention. Maybe he is threatened by your desire to do something for you. If you can get to the heart of why he is not supportive (it's not about waste, methinks) you might be able to address the root issue.

    Good luck, and keep us updated!
  • ladyhusker39
    ladyhusker39 Posts: 1,406 Member
    This sounds like more of a relationship problem than anything. I think you need to deal with that before anything else. What difference will it make if you're thin and healthy but miserable in your marriage?
  • wizzybeth
    wizzybeth Posts: 3,578 Member
    WorkerDrone83 wrote: »
    You shouldn't have to cook multiple meals to accommodate everyone. They can eat what you make (the presumably healthy meal) or they can learn to cook for themselves.

    This too - but the fact is most "normal" meals can be eaten while maintaining a calorie deficit with a little bit of creativity - such as - have a larger helping of veggies and a smaller helping of whatever the main dish is ....sometimes I choose to make myself a lean cuisine because it's just easier for me ...and make them whatever. Sometimes they want Chinese take out or pizza - I can choose something low cal from Chinese, or have something else entirely like one of my aforementioned lean cuisines.

    When I make spaghetti and meatballs for them, the pasta is too high calorie for me, so I have something else like spaghetti squash with some marinara and meat...

    It's not too difficult, you just have to be a little flexible.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    Make the food you want. If they don't want it, they can make something else. You're not wasting anything - you can just eat the leftovers later.
  • nmcrowley
    nmcrowley Posts: 4 Member
    I too have struggled with my caloric intake and the inevitable feeling of hunger throughout the day. And sometimes I’ve responded by feeding the beast half a pizza. But I’m okay with that. I came to MFP in 2015 and have had daily caloric goal of 1580 ever since. Sounds low I suppose but its worked for me and my job (USMC) requires me to maintain height and weight standards. So over the years I’ve learned little tricks but have never “dieted” per say. Heck, just look at my logs (I don’t think they’re private). At any rate, I have taken the long view and by doing so I’ve managed to consistently stay under my assigned max weight without stressing about our semi-annual weigh-ins. Hey, want some pointers let me know.
  • brig_it
    brig_it Posts: 15 Member
    Hi Justine - I'm so sorry your husband isn't being more supportive! I know how hard that can be. In addition to what others have suggested, I think getting support from other people who have similar health goals as you (a walking or running club, or fitness class, and of course here on MFP!) will encourage you and keep you motivated. You are not alone! One thing that has helped me is having someone check up on me every day. I used Supporti (getsupporti.com) and my buddy made sure that I was logging my calories and staying within my goals, even when the people in my real life were tempting me away from them!
  • GoalGal50
    GoalGal50 Posts: 90 Member
    JustineJCO wrote: »
    I like counting calories and working out when I can but just want to give up. I do want to lose weight and stay in shape.

    It's hard for me to keep counting calories when making meals for my family. My husband usually wants pizza, fried foods, rice etc well everything he wants has to many calories or carbs. I tried making myself healthier meals but he says im wasting food cause I cooked a meal for the family or he ordered something. So I just end up eating what I cooked which I no would be over My calorie goal even for one severing so eat a little bit and try to fill up on water which doesn't help now I feel like i'm starving so at times I over eat on some meals or eat junk cause my husband keeps buying chips, pop, candy etc. I told him several times that Im trying to lose weight and he's not helping by buying junk. He says "No one told you get on a diet" or thats your problem not mine"
    I really wanna lose weight and get in shape but the people in my life are not supportive

    And that’s what we’re here for, but we can’t do it for you!!! If YOU want to lose the weight just stay on your journey, continue to log your foods, move your body and stay plugged into this app and process!!! Screw your husband (no disrespect), but he sounds like an insecure individuals who knows that weight loss will boost your self-esteem, WHICH GIVES YOU OPTIONS. Believe it or not, sometimes men are fearful that when that time comes, you won’t choose him.

    Either do it or don’t do it, but decide what it will be because there’s no sense sitting on the pity pot when YOU are in control of this process.

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