Hopeless

Do you ever just feel like there's no point? That you're just destined to be fat? I've always been the fat girl and while I have had success before (60 lbs. loss) I gained it all back and more. I'm quickly approaching 40 years old and I've never known what it feels like to be healthy. I have extremely low self-esteem and while I put on a good face in front of people, I'm dying inside. I hate myself. I can't do the things I love without panting and I feel like I'm constantly being stared at. I have 100+ pounds to lose and I just can't get my head in the right place to begin. I get the motivation to start and it's gone almost as quickly as it comes. I know I'm rambling, I'm just miserable in this body and I don't know how to fix it...

Replies

  • sksk1026
    sksk1026 Posts: 210 Member
    Can you think of it as skill-sets? You're ahead of most people in that you know how to lose weight. You just don't know how to keep it off yet. I found it helpful to read the success forums and maintenance forums. This sounds like flip advice but I do understand how %$#@ hard this is. I felt the same desperation and helplessness. I now just keep telling myself it's about skills I have to learn and I'm open to trying all sorts of stuff. I just got a book by beck recommended on the forums about thinking like a thin person. I've loaded the Libra app to check my weight loss trends. I'm going to add extra protein in the morning. I've got a lowcal meal in my slow-cooker. If I keep on keeping on, I'll get there. Just start again with a small step.
  • mysparky
    mysparky Posts: 1 Member
    This is my first post, but I felt as though I needed to respond because I can completely relate. I've been aware of being overweight since I was 9 years old. I exercise diligently (spin, elliptical and weights) and I eat healthy, well-balanced, properly proportioned meals, but I continue to gain weight. I'm currently approximately 50 lbs overweight. Why? Because I am out of control with snacking (at night, weekends, when I'm bored, etc). I love and crave junk food all of the time. I've always wished for more "willpower".

    Two weeks ago, I finally did something I never thought I would do. I signed up for 3 sessions with a hypnotherapist. I've read about success with hypnotherapy but was still very doubtful. I read tons of articles and searched for someone in my area. I was asked to complete a questionnaire, sat down and talked for 90 mins, and then went through my first session. The hypnotherapist planted suggestions regarding junk food (cookies, candy, chips, brownies, etc) being very distasteful to me and he reminded me of how much I love berries and lean protein. I truly didn't think I was "hypnotized" because I was aware of everything and even while I was under, I questioned why I was doing this.

    Immediately following the session, and consistently, for the past 2 weeks, I could really care less about junk food. I've been to 3 social events, complete with all kinds of desserts and it's not a matter of summoning up "willpower". It simply doesn't call to me like it used to. I don't have that nonstop struggle between "I want it so badly, but I really shouldn't".

    With the junk food addiction sidelined, I'm able to focus on proper planning and nutrition, and I have the control that I have always, always, always struggled with. You likely know what you have to do, but until you can get your mind to support you, it will always be so hard. I've always envied the people that wouldn't give into food temptation. I've never been one of those, but feel right now as though I am.

    Consider what additional help you need. The associated cost may be very difficult to absorb, but after struggling for years and years, I temporarily took on a part-time job in an effort to save money up for this therapy. I was feeling that desperate.

    I wish you luck.
  • enidite
    enidite Posts: 93 Member
    be very clear about WHY you want to lose weight. Motivation comes and goes sometimes, and it is helpful to have a clear picture of your goals and reasons.
    100 pounds is a lot to lose , so you need to be in for the long haul. It's not easy , but it can be done. I've lost close to 100 lbs , but it took three years. I'm not trying to imply that it would take you that long, but be aware that it can be a long journey. What has helped me , was to get rid of the all or nothing thinking. I have learned to accept myself where I am and that has helped me tremendously. That doesn't mean that I don't want to lose weight, but it has allowed me to be more forgiving with myself when I slip. I just get back on the wagon. However, I think one of the reasons why I can get up again is the fact that I know why I am doing this. Babysteps will get you there. One step at a time. Each day you work on it gets you closer to your goals. It is a complete lifestyle change, and it takes time to change old habits.
    Another thing I think is important is that we don't only focus on the scale. Take your measurements and take before pictures (you'll be glad you did), celebrate your NSVs like sticking to your calorie goal for the day. I have a journal that I have written during this journey and it is pretty amazing how things change over time.
  • kjurassic
    kjurassic Posts: 572 Member
    Yes! I felt that way from age 9 to 59. Then I had my "aha" moment and said "enough." It took me 1 & 1/2 years to lose 95 lbs, but I did it. I've kept most of it off for an addition 2 1/2 years. I'm still trying to lose some "winter accumulation" :D but I know I'll always have to log, weigh and measure all my food as best I can and forgive the slip ups (after all, I'm human). You are soooo worth good health and only you can choose to give that gift to yourself. You CAN do it!
  • Mtimme2018
    Mtimme2018 Posts: 2 Member
    I am right there with as well. And my body just seems like it doesn’t want to let go the extra pounds. I have tried so many things and as quickly as I decide to this a week later the motivation to do it is gone.
    This time I’m starting in stages. And telling myself everyday that this change will take time. I am human skip ups are going to happen. And to just do the changes I tell myself each week.
    I can do this

    YOU Can do this
  • Dogsnbeads
    Dogsnbeads Posts: 188 Member
    I'm not much of a poster either, but I wanted to tell you I totally understand.

    Ironically, I was anorexic in high school. I've dealt with depression since the age of 5. I gained a bunch of weight when I was 29 (long story). Now I'm in my mid-40s, so I guess one could say that I turned into what terrified me in high school.

    I often feel trapped in this body like I could somehow unzip my skin and step out of it into a reasonably healthy one. I keep logging my meals and trying to eat healthy. I've lost a little bit of weight and need to commit more to taking care of myself.

    Betmar, you hang in there. If change was easy, many of us wouldn't need to be here.
  • Momepro
    Momepro Posts: 1,509 Member
    It sucks. Just plain and simple, but it is what is is. As unfair as it is, some of us just have to work a hell of a lot harder than others just to get to the starting point. But if you can make it there, and figure out how to stop punishing your body for not being as beautiful and healthy as you'd like, you'd be surprised at how much easier it becomes.
    Here are some of the things that have really been helping me. Take whatever works for you...

    Break things down into individual behaviors and habits. Instead of looking at this as an all at once, or all or nothing proposition, find ways to break things down into smaller and more sustainable habits. That makes it much easier to pinpoint where something is not working, and fix it, rather than staring at the whole jumbled mess of NOT WORKING. Plus, when you do backslide, you are less likely to drop everything, just one or two habits, that can then be fixed again. Otherwise, trying to everything at once, means that you are likely to leave out something important (like weighing food), and pay excessive attention to things that aren't. (Like fiber drinks and vinegar)
    Don't demonize foods that don't actually make you feel bad. Obviously if you have food sensitivities avoid those things, but don't cut out all your favorite goodies because they are not "healthy". Think of your calories as a type of currency. You should purchase the nutrient rich stuff first, budget for regular treats, and don't waste any calories on stuff you hate, even if it is theoretically good for you.
    Log EVERYTHING.
    Don't JUST weigh (with a scale is best) everything you eat, also write why you are eating it (i.e, lunchtime, hungry, kind of bored, out with friends, watching tv) and how you are feeling right before, right after and an hour after (hungry, comfortable, normal, full, very full bloated, drowsy, OMG I am so damn sick of this crap I want to throw the whole plate out a window, etc).
    This gives you a baseline pattern for your normal habits and routine. From there, it's just a matter of experimenting. Are you very full after dinner? Cut back on a few things. Does lunch leave you bloated and gassy after an hour, try less or no mayo, and see if there's something you don't mind dropping each meal (fries, or cheese, or maybe only 2 tacos instead of 3).Are you starving an hour after dinner?Maybe more fats during.
    It's amazing how quickly these small and easily sustainable changes will add up to big calorie cuts. Only cut one or two things at a time, until they become habit instead if trying to do everything at once. That way they become individual habits instead of one big "diet".
  • Betmar83
    Betmar83 Posts: 30 Member
    Thank you everyone for taking the time to respond. It still seems pretty daunting when I think of how far I have to go to achieve my goals but I’m really going to try. I actually have my first gym session set for tomorrow. Again, I appreciate all the responses, it’s comforting to know I have a real support group who actually understands and can relate to what I’m going through.
  • tracybear86
    tracybear86 Posts: 163 Member
    Have you tried making mini goals (like 10 lbs lost)? Maybe that would break things up and make it seem less daunting? Write your mini goals down and post them somewhere you will see them everyday and can cross them off as you achieve them. Add in a reward or treat for yourself that is NOT food related (pedicure, new shoes, whatever makes you happy!) for each mini goal you reach. :)
  • psychod787
    psychod787 Posts: 4,088 Member
    Best motivation ever? Lol
  • amtyrell
    amtyrell Posts: 1,449 Member
    Her is the thing. Willpower and motivation are easy to lose. So set yourself up with good habits.
    Spend 3 weeks doing something and it will be a habit.
    Start with logging everything before you eat or drink it.
    Then a few weeks in add eat no more then the calories mfp gives you to lose 1 lb a week. Keep going. Make it a habit so it is your default and then willpower does not come into it.
  • NightOwl7777
    NightOwl7777 Posts: 26 Member
    Add me! We can support one another. I have over 100lb to lose and have to dig deep each day to stay focused and on plan. Maybe we can find that will power and positivity together? You can do this believe in yourself