Struggling with the mindset

smkirkpatrick15 · March 2018

Hi there!
In July of 2016, I hit 200 lbs and decided nope, that wasn't going to be me. So I joined MFP and did the elliptical for 15 minutes every day, and lost 15 pounds by October. I found out I was pregnant in December. I gained about 30 pounds during pregnancy. I had my baby in July (she's 7 months- and no, I'm no longer BF) I'm down 18 of those pounds but am just struggling to get back into MFP. I've pretty much been eating whatever I want and too much of it. I've kinda been that way my whole life, and it doesn't help that my husband is 145 pounds despite eating bags and bags of chips/cookies and never working out. I feel like I start this all the time and I can never stick with it. I don't feel particularly motivated to change, but I know I need to. The biggest eye opener for me came yesterday when I realized my daughter was watching me intently while I ate. I want her to see me eating healthy foods and be a good example. I just struggle so much when I feel like I'm limited, and I have a hard time getting to the gym.

Sorry for the long post. Just looking for some motivation because I'm sure there are others out there like me!

tinkerbellang83 · March 2018

If you can't stick with it and feel like you are limited you are probably making it more difficult than it needs to be. I might be making assumptions but perhaps you are going too all or nothing. There is nothing wrong with eating foods you enjoy whilst you lose weight.

You don't need to go to the gym to lose weight, weight loss is about how much you eat compared to what you burn. Instead of setting out all gung ho trying to lose as much as possible as quickly as possible, set yourself a sustainable deficit, perhaps 1lb per week, that's a 500 calorie deficit, better to lose 26 pounds over a year and keep at it than get into the habit of yo-yoing.

88olds · March 2018

Ditto tinkerbellang83.

And I want to add this. It’s hard to imagine successful weight loss without limits. Life comes with all sorts of limits that we just take for granted. But there are limits and then there is deprivation. You mention mindset. I think the line between some reasonable limits and feeling deprived is in our heads. It’s not the same for everyone.

Try to find that sweet spot where you’re getting to eat things you like but still losing a bit. Once you find it, the only other thing you need is patience.

momispuhomis · March 2018

Being a mom of 2, I know how different your life becomes when you become a mother. Many women experience bouts of depression after having a child, not saying that's what is happening to you. Depression just isn't something many people realize they are feeling.

Congrats on only gaining 30lbs, btw, I gained 50 each time! And with my second, I had only lost a portion of what I gained the first time, ugh.

My suggestions are to include your husband and daughter in your journey. Play with her, dance with her, take her to the park. Go on walks, yes, even in cold weather, it's good for her too! Be active WITH her. Getting exercise doesn't have to be a solo adventure at some gym, include her. Encourage your husband to have healthier snacks if you can. He may be thin but that doesn't make him healthy. And as he ages, that will catch up to him, trust me!!

amgreenwell · March 2018

I am also a mother of a baby boy born in June of last year and a little girl born in April of 2016 so I feel your pain as far as time management when it comes to taking care of yourself.
Make sure that you get some "you time". I work 40 hours a week outside the home so time with my kids is limited during the day/night so I work out in the morning (5 a.m.) before anyone else is awake. It gets me going and I don't miss time with kids or hubby.
My husband is also in no need of losing weight BUT he is super supportive of me cooking heart healthy meals for the family and sticking to the meal plan I've provided. My two year old is not picky, thank God, so she eats whatever we eat. My 8 month old is now starting finger foods and I want to instill in him that same kind of healthy eating.
It is hard when you feel like you are the only one in the family who is working hard to lose weight. Just remember to cut yourself some slack and keep it simple. Calories in vs. calories out is LITERALLY all it takes. If you don't have time to exercise then just be sure to log everything that goes in your mouth. I pre-log all of my food for the day in the morning so I know exactly what I'm looking like for the day and how much wiggle room I might have if I want a snack or treat. I don't deprive myself of anything either. If I want something I eat it, I just make sure it fits in my numbers or I get in a good walk or run so that I can burn those extra calories.
Meal planning is a huge asset for us busy moms too. I make sure to have all our meals planned on sunday so that whether I'm making batches of food or cooking each night when we get home I have everything we need at my fingertips and can prep meals quickly and easily
You can add me if you'd like. I log daily.
Good luck!

Francl27 · March 2018

Sorry no help, I totally get it... but I know that nobody will be able to help you finding the right mindset. Hope you find it!

Reedern · March 2018

I have very similar issues. I struggle to get into the necessary mindset of eating healthy and being more active. I have 3 kids that all have activities, a full time job, and I am exhausted. I also have a lot of things happening personally that cause emotions and stress which in turn cause me to eat like crap because I am an emotional eater. This is the first day I have logged in to MFP in over a year. I am reaching a point in my life where I will either make the necessary changes or continue down a path that is unhealthy and end up on medications. I am hoping that the one day at a time, one meal at a time, one walk/workout at a time will get me back on track. Good luck!

BZAH10 · March 2018

Don't worry about getting to the gym. You don't need structured, scheduled workout time to lose weight and be healthy. Not sure what your weather is like right now, but if it's nice out, put your daughter in a stroller and get out and walk. Every day. Or as much as possible. Or go to a mall. Being active WITH her is important. As she starts to walk and become active you can do more and more things together.

Don't worry (or envy) what your husband eats. Every body is different and comparing ourselves to others is a waste of good time and energy. Eat what you like, but in smaller portions. Your mindset should be to keep it all as simple and easy as possible.

Flyingfingers51 · March 2018

I would also add that if you can't find time to get out and walk, or if the weather is bad in your part of the country, just get up and move. Think...,Leslie Sansone. It's better to march in place inside than sit and watch TV. Get a step tracker like a fitbit and make a commitment to walk 10K steps every single day. Count calories religiously, as you need to be aware of how much you're eating every single day. Be kind to yourself and have a cheat meal from time to time, but I don't recommend a cheat day. It's too easy to get started back into bad, old habits. Do some reading up on mindful eating. Learn to truly enjoy what you do eat. Good luck!

DebLaBounty · March 2018

I used to put my baby in one of those carrier things on my chest, or in a backpack set-up, and go for a walk with him. On cold days (I lived in Alaska), I had him in a snowsuit, hat and mittens. It was really helpful to get outdoors. Later when he could walk, I'd have him in rubber boots and a raincoat on bad weather days and we'd jump in mud puddles. Lotsa fun.

Keep on logging on MFP. Forget how your husband eats, you're in charge of what you put into your mouth. I made sure to have a treat every day to avoid feeling deprived. Sometimes it was a slice of pie, today it was a fabulous brownie full of pecans. (Reddi Wip whipped cream in a can is pretty low calorie, compared to other things I'm sure).
Sometimes with my apple and cheese lunch, I'd add a small handful of my favorite potato chips. And I logged every damn calorie. I reached my goal weight recently and didn't feel like I was on a diet so much as a disciplined new approach to my life.

smkirkpatrick15 · March 2018

tinkerbellang83 wrote: »

If you can't stick with it and feel like you are limited you are probably making it more difficult than it needs to be. I might be making assumptions but perhaps you are going too all or nothing. There is nothing wrong with eating foods you enjoy whilst you lose weight.

You don't need to go to the gym to lose weight, weight loss is about how much you eat compared to what you burn. Instead of setting out all gung ho trying to lose as much as possible as quickly as possible, set yourself a sustainable deficit, perhaps 1lb per week, that's a 500 calorie deficit, better to lose 26 pounds over a year and keep at it than get into the habit of yo-yoing.

Yes, that is exactly what I tend to do. When I lost the 15 pounds, I was going to the gym for 15-20 minutes every day, and sure enough, I missed one day and my routine totally fell apart after that. Thinking about it differently will definitely help me this time, good point! Thanks!

Mr_Healthy_Habits · March 2018

It's not about motivation, you have all the motivation you need right in front of you. If you haven't found that motivation yet, you never will.

But here's the thing, it's got nothing to do with motivation. As I've already said, you've got all the motivation you need already.

What you don't have is... Momentum

The good news is that you can build momentum anytime you want, anyone can... It's not that you lack drive, ambition, or motivation, it's simply an issue of momentum...

Find peace with that fact and look at each exercise, each healthy meal as simply adding to your momentum little by little... Understand that you don't have to change your whole life around in an instant... Just make small changes week after week and gradually build yourself

Otherwise you may fall into the rut so many do, where they try to change their whole world in a day, berate themselves for every fail, convince themselves that they lack drive, willpower, motivation and quickly become all these things they think are and inevitably give up because they have already convinced themselves they are not worthy.

Best wishes

Struggling with the mindset

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