Scared to lose

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amandakoorime
amandakoorime Posts: 26
in Motivation and Support
I've been fighting with weight all my life. I've joined Weight Watchers, I've joined Jenny Craig... I've done it on my own. Nothing seemed to work.
Even here on MFP, I'm having a hard time. I've lost 12 lbs so far, and I'm glad for every pound lost. Don't get me wrong about that. But... I keep on doing things that I feel hinder me.
I buy and eat chocolate, I eat candy, I eat out, I have soda... everything that everyone tells you not to do, I tend to do on random days. Some days it's just one bad item. Other days, I'm afraid to even log what I ate. (Hmm... Wonder how many people do that. Don't even log the items they now was bad.) I've even gotten into doing the "Quick Added Calories" for snacks that I'm not proud of eating. The worst part, only half of what I eat that's bad feels like it was worthwhile.
For a while I thought I was trying to be stubborn. I wanted to try and do a "diet" or a lifestyle change while eating chocolate and candy. I kept beginning to use that as an excuse. Bad, I know. But then I realized what was going on.

I'm too scared to lose weight. I've lost 12 lbs and suddenly everyone was looking at me like Congrats! I liked the attention. I really did. But then I reverted to old habits. I would indulge too much. And not make up for it with exercise.
Trust me, I am determined to lose weight. But... I've never been thin. I've never been in that crowd who was overweight by anything less than 10 or 20 lbs. (not that there is anything bad with those people!) But that's my goal. I want to be in that area. I want to weigh 120-140. Perfect for my 5'3" height. But, the last time I was around that weight, I was.... like 6-10 years old.... I'm now 23.
So, the idea of being thin, of wearing size smalls... Of fitting into anything I try on at a random store. It terrifies me. I have no idea why it does... It just does.

Its weird... But I can't help but feel like this fear is controlling me. The fear is what is making me choose the bad foods... It's also holding me back on my exercise. Can anyone help? Did anyone else feel this and get over it? Or am I all alone? What do you think?

Replies

  • camille97
    camille97 Posts: 91
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    It's actually perfectly normal. Change is scary, whether good or bad. I think your fear may be mostly related to the idea that losing the weight will mean completely changing your lifestyle, and never going back. It is a lot to handle. You wonder if you can actually do this (consciously or subconsciously), and it seems easier to just give up before you fail.

    This is fear that many people trying to lose weight experience!

    Just imagine how amazing it will feel, to fit into anything at a store, to wear smaller sizes :) And you can get there; it takes time, but your weight and how you treat you body is one of the few things in life that you have COMPLETE control over.

    <3
  • wickedcricket
    wickedcricket Posts: 1,246 Member
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    nobody can do it for you. It has to come from you. You're going to have to decide: are you more determined or afraid? I will tell you something - determination will get you farther in life.
    If you choose to give into fear, it will be easier to give in next time and the time after that. The more you face down your fears, the braver you get.
    I used to be the most fearful person in the world but I've had to face my fears & get past it. And I did. And now I know I CAN.
    If I can, you can. NO RETREAT, NO SURRENDER!
  • NicoleLyn1818
    NicoleLyn1818 Posts: 110
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    I am a person who does not like to be in the spotlight...the first time I lost weight when I was still in high school I had the same fears because people were suddenly paying attention to me and saying things like "Congrats, you look great!" and I reverted back without knowing it. I gained weight and now I'm back trying to lose. I've gotten over that fear, and love it when someone compliments me (yet I can't take compliments that well, so I just say thanks!)....and feeling good, not hearing other people's words, is what has made me motivated to get back on the right track and on my way to feeling healthy again!
  • jonbobfrog
    jonbobfrog Posts: 294
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    No, you're definitely not alone! We all fear the unknown . . . and many many many people certainly "self-sabotage" because they are so afraid to become something that they don't know/ understand. I personally hide behind big clothes and even now that I've lost weight I'm afraid to buy smaller clothes that actually FIT me because I've gotten so used to hiding!
  • gaeljo
    gaeljo Posts: 223 Member
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    Craving sugar probably means you aren't eating enough fruit. Also I think you're looking at this wrong its as much about taking care of your health and body as being thin actually more so. I think u need to focus on healthy living being thin is a natural out come. The sugar and self betrayal are sad. It sounds like you have a low esteem. Your hiding behind your weight. Are u concerned if people are noticing u they won't like what they see? It's not about them. This is your journey life and health. I'll pray for u. You deserve good health.
  • TacomaDuck
    TacomaDuck Posts: 1
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    I have some training in psychology. Some would say that I know just enough to be dangerous, but here's a thought.

    Maybe, subconsciously, you're afraid of losing your identity. When you say you've "never been in that crowd" you're acknowledging it a s a place of unknown, therefore a place of fear.

    Think of your weight loss as fine-tuning a powerful engine. Take your inner essence away from your body type and let the body just be an engine.

    I hope that helped a little.
  • sykin
    sykin Posts: 1,676 Member
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    You're not alone. I'm a little scared to lose weight because I'm afraid I'll gain it back once I get to my goal weight. I've been close to my goal weight before, but didn't have the correct habits to help me keep it off and now I'm big again. I'm working on changing that. You can only take it one step at a time. But I'm with you. I'm scared that if I do get to my goal weight, I still won't be happy.
  • tamanella
    tamanella Posts: 500 Member
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    I too, have experienced these emotions and always find it easier to revert back to bad habits. But I've been reading a book called, Never Say Diet by Chantel Hobbs, and it is really helping me. She talks about the fact that if you choose to eat something unhealthy you're just choosing to be fat one more day. She lost 200lbs doing her program and now is a personal trainer. Not sure if this interests you, but I thought I would share that with you. Good luck!!
  • jenluvs2sing
    jenluvs2sing Posts: 50 Member
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    Honestly, this is something that a lot of people deal with, for a variety of reasons. I myself was molested as a child, and after many, many hours of therapy realized that being fat was a way to keep men from looking at me, thereby keeping anything bad from happening to me again. I'd say try to look inside and find out why you have this self sabotaging behavior and that will help you to move forward. You're doing great by starting, it's something we can all do, it's the sustaining that's tougher. Maybe try keeping a diary and write down what you're feeling when you eat something you know you shouldn't. This is a great place to find support, and posting this topic was a great start. Good luck, and I'm here if you ever want to talk. :D
  • ReginasHorror
    ReginasHorror Posts: 423 Member
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    I understand a bit where you're coming from. It's perfectly normal to fear change. That's the most basic thing. To over come this, you need to remember three things:
    1) You are not alone. Everyone has been afraid at some point in their life. Anyone who says they have never been afraid is afraid to admit to being afraid. Therefore, fear is normal.
    2) You are doing the right thing. This whole thing was to change your life and to make you a confident person. You can be a confident person, because you have support and you have the will. Those first 12 pounds are proof of it.
    3) Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather knowing that something else is more important.
    we believe it you. <3
  • LauraMarie37
    LauraMarie37 Posts: 283 Member
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    A lot of people have said some smart things here. I agree you are going to have to completely readjust who you think you are, how much you think you can accomplish, how you expect other people to treat you, etc. Maybe this is also something it would be good to talk through in therapy? You can have someone who learns all about your specific fears and hang-ups and helps you see patterns and avoid them.

    (edited for spelling)
  • greyhorse
    greyhorse Posts: 8
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    hey there........i felt the same as you before............ too scared to loose weight, what will i do etc...........and yes it is hard to stop eating the chocolate as i love the stuff!!! but you got to try and do mind over matter.
    Keep saying to yourself i can do this..............and i wont be scared to loose weight.............Even if you buy a gorgeous out fit a size smaller than you take now and imagine yourself in it.............and aim SMALL!!!!! even if you loose 1/2kg a week thats great.........but dont aim HIGH or you will get disapointed.............. I know as i have done that before.
    what you might also have to do is NOT give up the chocolate or the soda, but CUT DOWN on it...............a dr told my mum dont give up the foods you like as then you will get a craving for them but just cut down on your intake so if you like your soda try the low fat option eg Coke Zero or get your chocolate bar but get a smaller one and have those as a treat during the week just not every day.......and make one day a week a TREAT DAY........
    I know you can do this and i have faith in you that you will.

    Good luck and you can do it...............:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • janetj518
    janetj518 Posts: 70
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    I don't think it's weird. I think you need to figure out why you are scared to lose weight and you need to figure out why you sabotage yourself. We all have our "bad" days. I am a person who is afraid to tell people what I am doing, because if I fail then I won't have to hear any garbage about it. But I also know that if I don't do anything, I am only failing myself. One of the things that is helping me this time, (and I have done it all too), is I have decided that no matter what, I NEED to be honest. I NEED to enter everything I eat and with the correct amounts and I NEED to be honest with the level of exercise I do. If I can hold myself accountable, then I have no else to blame and I have no else to look to to get me up and moving and making the right choices again. I will always have encouragement from my family, friends and places like MFP, but only I can make myself DO IT. If you have a bad day, accept it, don't beat yourself up and move on to better choices. If you have a good day, praise yourself. You deserve a healthy lifestyle, a healthy body, and a healthy mind!
  • Alidecker
    Alidecker Posts: 1,262 Member
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    I was extremely overweight when I started. I was scared twhen I started. I wasn't going to tell anyone that I had finally decided to try and lose weight. If I failed, I didn't want people to look at me as a failure. Not sure that my fear was the same as yours, but I didn't realize what my fear was at first. I finally realized that my fear was really the fear of failure. I was afraid that people would look at me as a failure. I did end up telling people pretty quickly that I was working out and eating healthier and I ended up using this to keep me motivated. The fear of failure was very motivated Once I hit the 35 pounds lost and people commented more and more, I took that as I could never go back. I have now lost 130 pounds....not afraid to lose, now I am afraid to gain anything back :) It has been almost 2 years now....not so afraid of anything anymore. I truly did make an entire change in my life and the fact that my best friends and my family are proud of me keeps me going. Use the fear to your advantage, use it to motivate you. I hope you can figure it out. THere is nothing to be afraid of :)
  • candicemaechling
    candicemaechling Posts: 152 Member
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    After looking at your profile I saw we started in the same size and I was 24 when I started it may be scarey but being 100 pounds in and 12 sizes down, being able to shop in regular stores, and feel sexier in front of my hubby feel so good its worth so much more than being scared of the unknown I feel very uncomfortable when someone who isn't a close friend compliments the changes but I'm getting use to it I still have 50 to 70 to go but we can do this together feel free to add me :)
  • greyhorse
    greyhorse Posts: 8
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    Craving sugar probably means you aren't eating enough fruit. Also I think you're looking at this wrong its as much about taking care of your health and body as being thin actually more so. I think u need to focus on healthy living being thin is a natural out come. The sugar and self betrayal are sad. It sounds like you have a low esteem. Your hiding behind your weight. Are u concerned if people are noticing u they won't like what they see? It's not about them. This is your journey life and health. I'll pray for u. You deserve good health.

    if you are craving the sugar side of things i was told that has something to do with Magnesium that your body isnt getting enough???? not sure if thats true or not??????
  • hajjcomb
    hajjcomb Posts: 118 Member
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    Maybe you're using fear of losing weight as a scapegoat? Like "if I eat poorly or don't lose the weight, it's not because of ME, it's because of my FEAR?"

    Just a thought.
  • amandakoorime
    amandakoorime Posts: 26
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    Thanks everyone! I means so much to have so many people commenting and agreeing with me!

    For those who mentioned my mental health, I've been diagnosed with Major Depression. For the longest time, I thought that my weight caused the depression. But then someone told me the depression may also be causing my weight. Evil cycle... Cause both are affected by the same thing. And both are something that I'll have to fight my whole life.

    I really do need to pay more attention to, not only what I'm eating, but what I am logging as well.


    "Maybe you're using fear of losing weight as a scapegoat? Like "if I eat poorly or don't lose the weight, it's not because of ME, it's because of my FEAR?" "
    To a degree. It's my fear that is making me do it... It's just that I am now becoming away that there is another driving force behind me. A force that I'm going to have to fight.

    Again, thanks for the comments and even the friend requests!
  • geekymom57
    geekymom57 Posts: 176 Member
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    I really do need to pay more attention to, not only what I'm eating, but what I am logging as well.


    "Maybe you're using fear of losing weight as a scapegoat? Like "if I eat poorly or don't lose the weight, it's not because of ME, it's because of my FEAR?" "
    To a degree. It's my fear that is making me do it... It's just that I am now becoming away that there is another driving force behind me. A force that I'm going to have to fight.
    [/quote

    Your first sentence above is key--if you aren't honest with your log, you're not fooling anybody, you're not gaining anything, you're just lying to yourself.. A way to do the mental math when you're thinking about eating something is to check the calories (look it up on MFP, check the box, etc.--and think about whatever exercise you do, and how much you'd have to do to burn off that item of food. I can tell you that makes me think very closely about a lot of the "extras" I think about eating--are they really worth an extra 15 or 30 minutes on the elliptical?

    I have struggled with weight most of my life, and the best success I have had is when I have decided the reason I am going to work on my weight is for my long-term health. A close friend of over 30 years died at age 52 a few years ago. She had been morbidly obese most of her life, her knees were so shot she couldn't walk the last few years, and her family had to do almost everything for her. She had given up on losing lots of weight years and years ago, and her body took the toll. I don't give this example to scare you, but to encourage you that even a small weight loss is still a good thing. It shows you are taking control of your life and choosing to treat yourself well. It's hard and it takes practice, but you will feel better once you define your health as the goal, not meeting someone's vision of beauty/healthy.
  • unsuspectingfish
    unsuspectingfish Posts: 1,176 Member
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    I find that logging all my food, no matter how bad, often shames me into making the better choice. Even though it's nit public, I still have to look at it.

    Also, eating clean has been a real boost for my mood. I still have bad days, but there are no more "stay in bed all day" days.

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