Advice

LuneBleu85
LuneBleu85 Posts: 217
edited October 1 in Chit-Chat
Just wanted to shoot this out into the anonymous world wide web! It's non-fitness related, just a personal issue that has been bothering me for a few days and wanted a few opinions on it because I'm feeling really stuck.

Here goes...

I have a cousin who is a few years younger than me (I'm 25, she is 23). We have been close all of our lives and since we haven't ever lived in the same city technology has been really helpful in the last 5 years. We would text at least one or twice and week and usually write an e-mail or two in there also. I did visit her one and she visited me twice in the last three years. Anyway, talking to her really helped me through some hard times and I was so excited to hear all about her upcoming wedding. She called me right after she got engaged to tell me all about it. I was so happy for her! I sent her a congratulations card and the upcoming wedding was the subject of most of our text/emails for a good month or so. Suddenly in February she stopped replying to me. I sent a few e-mails and texts but heard nothing. I assumed she was busy with wedding stuff and didn't think anything of it. I heard through the family grapevine that she choose one of my other cousins to be in her wedding. I'm totally fine with that, I'm in two wedding this year and that's plenty! I know she is much closer to this other cousin because they live close to eachother.

I have just been so upset not to hear from her at all. I didn't want to be confrontational about it because I'm sure she's really busy. All of a sudden on Monday she sent me an e-mail saying long time no talk. I'm just really put off about the whole thing. I really thought we were close friends after talking on a weekly (if not daily) basis for the last few years. I know I'm being kind of sensitive about the whole thing but I don't have anything to say to her. I've gone through an incredibly tough time in the last few months (which she would have known about through the family grapevine) and I didn't hear a peep from her.

Am I being crazy? I'm just so hurt I don't even know what to say to her. I really found myself missing having her as my friend when times were tough and I'm not going to jump back on the buddy wagon because she probably just wants to make sure I buy her a wedding gift and doesn't really give a crap about me. For the record I normally am a very easy-going person, something about this situation just got under my skin.

Thoughts?

Replies

  • KatScarberry
    KatScarberry Posts: 40 Member
    Sounds like this your cousin is very lucky to have you as a part of her family! If you consider her that close of a friend, I would get in touch with her, explain how you feel (let her read this post if you want - I think it's very nicely written), and let her know how hurt you are. It's not fair to you to hold your feelings back - if you two are that close, she will be glad you came to her.

    Good luck & I hope the situation gets better for you!!!

    :flowerforyou:
  • Degator
    Degator Posts: 92 Member
    Obviously, this has hurt your feelings. So, you have not heard from her for a while and through the grapevine hear that it is because you aren't in her wedding? Sounds like the approach that would be most constructive for both of you, is that you talk to her and make sure that is the true meaning for your being slighted. Either way get it out there so that it can be discussed. Also, if it is the reason, you can assure her that it was okay for her not including you, that she need not avoid you over it. I hope things work out for you.
  • kwest_4_fitness
    kwest_4_fitness Posts: 820 Member
    Hmmm...this is a really tough one. Weddings, even the smallest ones, are often nightmarish experiences. Brides have a tendency to be very caught up in the whole planning and tracking, often blocking out the entire world and focusing their attention solely on the wedding. So overly-focused-bride syndrome could be one cause.

    Then there's "I'm so happy, but she's so sad", meaning you were in the dumps and she was on top of the world. These two worlds sometimes don't mix well. Maybe she was being a bit self-centered and didn't want her parade rained on. And then there's the whole distance thing, which always works against you.

    Yeah, she should have sent you a text or called you. But weddings are not the best times to get the best out of people, oddly enough. Hell, my cousin and I live in the same town, were in each other's weddings, and do you know what that heifer did? As soon as she found out the date for my wedding, she set hers three weeks before mine so she could be married before me. I love her to death, but I wanted to strangle her, lol!
  • IrishCloud
    IrishCloud Posts: 71
    I would feel the very same and would want to know ( other than been busy with the wedding) why all communication stopped
    like it did . it was not fair to you . good friendship should work both ways.
    Its better to clear the air one way or another so if you are able to talk about lots of things that happen in your life, you should
    feel able to talk to her about this.
    No point in wondering why....better to know the true facts of the matter. if your friendship is worth saving then its worth talking it
    out.
    I hope this helps , if ya don't ask...you'll never know !!
  • IrishCloud
    IrishCloud Posts: 71
    or maybe you could write her a letter . some times seen it on paper gets the msg across better.
  • LuneBleu85
    LuneBleu85 Posts: 217
    Thank you all so much! I am going to sleep on it tonight and write her an e-mail tomorrow morning. Hopefully I can communicate being hurt without making more tension between us, I really do miss her.
    Thanks again :)
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