Parents of only children

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amandastardust89
amandastardust89 Posts: 26 Member
in Chit-Chat
I am a mother to an only child, a four year old girl. We have her regular group of friends (they live in a different town, we see them about once a week) and I try to take her out several days a week to socialize.

She is a fun and friendly kid, but when she gets around large groups...or even small groups...of strange kids, I find that it's hard for her to break in to the pack. I give her suggestions of other girls and boys around her age that she may get along with...sometimes they blow her off, or vice versa.

Her and I spend all day, every day together so she wants me there with her. I will walk around with her to keep her company, but I want her to interact with children her own age...however, she just can't seem to get her foot in the door. This doesn't happen every time, but more often than not. I can't tell if she's shy or just wants to stick to her circle.

I imagine not having siblings can get kind of lonely, and you're left to do everything on your own. Surely I'm not the only parent with these observations about their little one...?

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  • livingleanlivingclean
    livingleanlivingclean Posts: 11,752 Member
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    Not a parent, but an only child. I remember going to playgroup, and had a group of friends there. I also did ballet, went to daycare a couple of days and spent days at my mums work (she owned a hairdressing salon. I played/coloured/"helped" and talked to customers).

    I was pretty shy around new people, still am in some situations. (I'm more of an observer until I work people out). I learnt to be independent, and I was happy occupying myself with games if I wasn't with friends...
  • huntersvonnegut
    huntersvonnegut Posts: 1,176 Member
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    I grew up with one younger brother but we weren't that close until he got to high school so I guess I was a quasi only child. My wife and I just have one daughter but she grew up with a close friends so I don't think she lacked for siblings. I'd say don't worry about your daughter but that's part of your job description ;).
  • Kathryn247
    Kathryn247 Posts: 570 Member
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    I have an only child, he's 18 now. He was pretty shy and quiet when he was about that age, but now he's totally confident and outgoing. He still doesn't have a huge group of friends, he's more selective, but he's fine. I think at age 4 they don't really form "bonds" with friends like they do when they get older. Maybe your daughter will always be more of an introvert, that's okay, too! Having siblings wouldn't necessarily change that. (Also, I had terrible siblings, they don't always help! :smile: )
    Keep allowing her opportunities to interact with other kids, but don't be too pushy about it. My two cents!
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    My thoughts are there is nothing wrong with preferring interacting with 1-2 people vs a group scenario.
    She is only 4 years. Developmentally I don't think kids really start to play together for a few years yet. It may just he she has not reached that stage of play development.
    She may do better getting into a group of kids when it is a focused directed activity like a class or she already knows a few of the kids in the group.
    Provide regular opportunities but don't stress if she isn't the most extroverted. It doesn't mean her life is lonely or less than.
    She may enjoy the company of older children and adults. Don't think she only has to be around other kids her age to be social.

    My only child is almost 18 years.

  • amandastardust89
    amandastardust89 Posts: 26 Member
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    Thank you for the words of encouragement!

    I suppose many of my concerns stem from my own insecurities. I was always an extroverted type, but still lacked in self-esteem. I got bullied a lot and it took it's toll on me. I don't want that for my girl!

    I returned to work about a year ago and my work schedule is not the most convenient (overnights). It's a struggle just to find adequate sleep, let alone live life and take care of business...I'm worried she doesn't get enough attention sometimes.

    Besides, if you only have one kid people are always asking when you plan to have more...and DD has been asking for a sibling! We've discussed it but we're happy with how things are now, and kids are so much work, do we really want another one?!

    Still, I grew up the middle of two girls and am grateful for them (mostly) so I can't help but feel I'm selling her short by making her an only child(even though as previously stated, and in my husband's case, siblings leave much to be desired in some cases).

    I especially like the advice of an activity centered environment. It gives the kids some common ground...telling a child "ok, now go play and make friends" is pretty daunting, especially if they came there alone. Ive been saying for a long time we should put her in a class, its just a matter of picking only one. She loves everything!
  • crackpotbaby
    crackpotbaby Posts: 1,297 Member
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    She’s four.
    Developmentally she’s at an age where she’s just starting to transition from playing alongside others to playing with them.
    Don’t rush things.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    The only children I know often grew up having a very close best friend.
    I had older siblings. They did not make life easier for me socially. We are extremely different and rarely speak as adults.

    Sibling or not your child will be okay. She will have people who love her.

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