Motivating Your Spouse?

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bris3jbt
bris3jbt Posts: 10 Member
in Fitness and Exercise
I have just recently started to exercise and eat better. I am a fairly small and my husband is a bigger guy. It's just the way he is built and I love they way he looks. However, in the past 5 years he has gain about 80 pounds. I still love the way he looks and he always calls me a chubby chaser as a joke but I really think he is self conscious about his weight. He sees the improvements I've made and really wants to get into shape also but when the time comes that I tell him to join me on a jog, he doesn't want to go. My question is how do I motivate him to join me in exercising and eating right?
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Replies

  • pbajwally
    pbajwally Posts: 210 Member
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    I'm in the same boat. I'm also curious to hear responses!
  • DiabeticAlien
    DiabeticAlien Posts: 240 Member
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    I started MFP three weeks ago. My wife saw the progress I was making, how easy it is, and how much fun it was (to me) and she joined last week. My sister in law joined yesterday. The best thing you can do to motivate a loved one is lead by example.
  • springtrio
    springtrio Posts: 429 Member
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    Mine is like...anti-anything healthy/fitness. We just lead different lives...and it's easier that way. I learned the hard way. If he wants it bad enough, he'll come through.
  • ItsMeLori
    ItsMeLori Posts: 346
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    I've been married for 17 years and have been trying for that long to change my husbands eating habits. Nothing has worked. He had a scare and ended in the hospital thinking he was having a heart attack. Thank God it wasn't but they told him that if he didn't change his eating habits and stop smoking he wouldn't live to be 50... he is 44. That didn't even change him... I get so sad to think he will go before me..... way before me and I am almost 50 :(
  • jdfortriede
    jdfortriede Posts: 2 Member
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    To be perfectly honest, HE has to decide to get in shape himself. If not, then he will start for a little bit, and then just stop. In regards to eating better (and I am not being sexist here), when you make healthy foods, make enough for him. This is more of a passive approach. Of course, it wont help if he still downs 3 beers, or takes out an entire bag of potato chips, but its a start. Find exercises that he can do without knowing it. Go for LONG walks, maybe 1 mile at first, but increase to maybe 2 or 3. Make your walks at a slightly faster pace as he gets into it. Biking is good if you have that. I found that elliptical is easier than running at first. Now I love to run, and am 70 hours away from my first 5k.

    If you want to talk more about this, just message me.
  • Stooooo
    Stooooo Posts: 1,191 Member
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    Jogging may not be his thing. Ask him what he wants to do to get in shape. Come prepared with a bunch of different options. Suggest something like Crossfit, Bootcamp, P90X, Martial Arts, Insanity, etc. Also talk to him about why you are doing it and why you would want him to. Do you have kids? If so does he want to see them grow up and get married. Does he want to be around for his grandkids. Etc.

    Get him in touch with other guys who are in the same boat. You know him better then anyone, what are his hot buttons?
  • sullivan1011
    sullivan1011 Posts: 28 Member
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    The last thing you want to do is make your partner do something that they are not ready for. Lead by example is an excellent peice of advice. I also thingk I talked my husband to death about it. I never talked about his struggles just mine and he came around.
  • change_happens
    change_happens Posts: 491
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    Personally, I tried for many years to get my husband on the right track. But it didnt work. No amount of my begging for healthier foods, crying about exercise.... nothing worked!

    I bought him a Total Body Gym and he loved it! Loved it enough to use it as a bench when he put his shoes on in the morning. he did use the elliptical and lost 10lbs, but he couldn't give up all of his favorites which were nothing more than healthy foods smothered in greasy fat.

    It wasn't until recently, a few months back in June that he actually started doing something different. I became committed to making better choices in May. He didn't know. I exercised while he was at work. Because of his competitive spirit, he saw me exercising one day and asked me what I was doing. After that, he has been on track and has gone down from 240 to 200!

    Maybe for your spouse you could get him to walk around the mall with you, do some window shopping. Prepare healthier meals for him. My husband lost most of his weight without doing any exercise and only lowering his calorie intake and making better food choices.

    Just hang in there and you will see.... he will come around :)
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
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    my husband had been talking about losing weight, getting in shape, wanting to go to the gym, wanting to eat better, etc., so when I decided to do a competition, I obviously needed a gym membership, trainer and all, so for his birthday I got us a membership. He jokes saying he is getting me a lawn mower for my birthday, but he goes every other day.

    He also started eating better when I had to, which is great, because he knows more about nutrition than I do. So, basically, mine jumped on board to support me and is in it to help himself, too. But, he has to want it for him, and when he is ready, he will come through.
  • kellybrandy
    kellybrandy Posts: 3 Member
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    He has got to want it ... some people just dont want it as bad as we do .... im on the other end of the boat though cause my husband is the one being a chubby chaser so to speak but im the one busting my butt working out eating right ... he sticks with it a few days then he back to his same old self drinking mt dew and eating his candy ... he doesnt want this is bad as me ... even tho he says he does ... :happy:
  • karenwill2
    karenwill2 Posts: 604 Member
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    when my hubby starts gaining, I say "please don't pick up my slack." but my husband is incredibly secure and comfortable with himself and weight problems are common to his family. He has weight to lose but is waiting on me to get closer so we don't look funny. We are very honest with each other and very attracted to each other so we can be brutally honest with no hard feeling. You could tell him that you need his help to stay motivated. You want the long life with him so please help you stay on track.
  • bris3jbt
    bris3jbt Posts: 10 Member
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    No, we don't have kids yet. He loves to run, that's the thing. He used to run in High School. He just bought me a pair of running shoes for my b-day and they were buy one get a pair half off. So, he bought himself a pair but hasn't used them yet. It was a good start......

    All of his friends are extremely in shape. So, he can't relate to them. I think the real problem is that he has a very labor intensive job and when he gets home he's so tired that exercise is the last thing on his mind, which I don't blame him.
  • AviatorDuck
    AviatorDuck Posts: 1
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    My situation is very similar to yours except I am the overweight husband and my wife is a "skinny minny" LOL! But my advice is as follows:
    1. When he is ready to lose, he will lose. I was self conscious for years
    2. Encourage him when he fails at a particular diet plan, I had almost completely lost hope of losing the weight since I had failed SOOO many times over the years.
    3. Encourage him to try different diet plans. The one thing I feel to be true is that there is no "One size fits all diet plan" at least not for me. I have tried SOOO many different types of diets and failed at all of them until recently. Since May I have been following the BowFlex Leanness program that came with the Bowflex I bought years ago. I have finally found a plan that works for ME! So help him find the one that works for HIM!

    Hopefully you will find this advice helpful..
    AviatorDuck
  • CaptainMFP
    CaptainMFP Posts: 440 Member
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    As one of those husbands who got motivated, I wish there was an easy answer. It sounds like he's supportive of what you're doing...that is frankly a good start. In the end, a person has to reach their own point of feeling the need to change. I watched my wife have great success for a couple of months and eventually reached the point of deciding I want off the BP meds. It was working for her so I figured I'd give it a go. Again, it was my motivation; she did not pressure me but did make it clear that it would be easier for her if we ate similarly. (This tapped into my affection for her...I wanted her to be successful and if I could help I was willing to do that.)

    This is probably the best starting point. Focus on one change...I think diet is the best...and make it clear that it would help you to be more successful if the two of you ate similarly. Definitely don't force the issue and keep it friendly...and focused on you. Many people -- especially self-conscious husbands -- feel "attacked" if it is suggested that they need to eat better or exercise more since they already know this. It can be easier to tap into their affection by gently encouraging them to help you in the hopes that they'll have their own a-ha moment.

    I wish there was a simpler or straight-forward answer, but the truth is the same for spouses as for individuals: they won't join in until THEY are ready. Good luck!
  • tuneses
    tuneses Posts: 467 Member
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    Like people said he's got to want it himself. My husband still can eat what he wants and not look fat. I'm just waiting for age to catch up with him. He'll probably come around when he gut comes a round. I make us similar dinners but i use regular ingredients for his and modify my meals a bit. You can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink.
  • MrsE2010
    MrsE2010 Posts: 63
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    I have been with MFP for several years but I just recently had to take a health and wellness college course required for my degree. Whille taking the class, offsite workouts were required for a grade so I took advantage of that to get my husband to "help" me. I played into his ego and told him I needed him to count my reps, spot me, and time me for variousl exercises. The first couple of times at the gym you could tell he felt out of place but he has jumped on my bandwagon and I love it! Maybe it was dishonest but I got him to work out with me. As far as diet goes, he eats whatever I cook and put in front of him so that part is easy. I do a lot of substituting healthier ingredients and sneaking in vegetables for him and our children. Just know that none of this will work unless there he has an underlying desire to be healthier. Good luck to you!
  • deniseg31
    deniseg31 Posts: 667 Member
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    Good post! My hubby has about 30 lbs to lose but he won't budge. I don't tell him much of anything about his weight but I've noticed that for about the past 3 weeks or so he'll quietly slip away into the garage (where a lot of workout equipment is collecting dust) and I'll catch him working out on his own. He comes back in the house dripping in sweat pretending like he was working on something in the garage...LOL! :laugh:

    He hasn't been doing it on a regular basis by any means but I think that maybe he sees the progress and me and wants to tag along.
    :bigsmile:
  • Sherri0706
    Sherri0706 Posts: 64
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    My husband was not at all interested in being healthier when I started either. I am the one who grocery shops so I just started buying healthier foods - like veggie chips instead of regular ones, frozen yogurt instead of ice cream, more fish and chicken, things like that. But some things, I just let up to him - like his beer. In time, he started choosing healthier foods on his own and reduced his beer intake. He won't do any type of workout with me, but if I say that I'm going for a walk around the neighborhood, he always comes along. I don't make it about the exercise but more about us just spending time together. It's worked and now he's lost way more than I have!!
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,701 Member
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    I have just recently started to exercise and eat better. I am a fairly small and my husband is a bigger guy. It's just the way he is built and I love they way he looks. However, in the past 5 years he has gain about 80 pounds. I still love the way he looks and he always calls me a chubby chaser as a joke but I really think he is self conscious about his weight. He sees the improvements I've made and really wants to get into shape also but when the time comes that I tell him to join me on a jog, he doesn't want to go. My question is how do I motivate him to join me in exercising and eating right?
    Break the TV or tie it to the back of a bike.
  • armacd
    armacd Posts: 95
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    I'm in the same boat :/ ....I've been working really hard lately at working out and even though I've had great success on my own, I feel like I would do even better if I had someone to push me when I feel like sitting down. Don't get me wrong, he is very supportive of me working out... letting me take over the living room for my hour+ workouts each night and making dinner on the extra long nights, but I just wish he would join me. He will go out and run or ride bikes with me, but we're in AZ, and its just too hot for that right now lol!

    Ashlee

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