Anyone else going through a divorce??

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Replies

  • becky611
    becky611 Posts: 77
    Honestly I dont know. With Nicole I just told her daddy was at work or he was out when he didn't come home.
    [/quote]

    I told Aiden that daddy and mommy aren't going to be living together anymore. I told him that I love him very much and that I am not going anywhere. I told him he will live in a new house with me and he can still see his daddy.
    I wasn't sure if that was appropriate to say to him or not.
  • Triquetra
    Triquetra Posts: 270 Member
    I bought a really good book on divorce from Chapters called "The Dinosaurs Divorce" and we read it as a bed time story for quite a few nights, my youngest was 5 and this really helped her to understand, and it was written in a fun way that she could understand.
  • becky611
    becky611 Posts: 77
    I bought a really good book on divorce from Chapters called "The Dinosaurs Divorce" and we read it as a bed time story for quite a few nights, my youngest was 5 and this really helped her to understand, and it was written in a fun way that she could understand.

    I know that this is having an affect on his life and I know it will I just want to make sure that it is not a negative affect on him. I want to try to do everything right for him.
  • mandapanda001
    mandapanda001 Posts: 370 Member
    My divorce was final on May 4 so if you need a friend, feel free to add me and yes it does suck but if it is for the best it does get better..I promise :-) :flowerforyou:
  • becky611
    becky611 Posts: 77
    My divorce was final on May 4 so if you need a friend, feel free to add me and yes it does suck but if it is for the best it does get better..I promise :-) :flowerforyou:

    You're right, it is for the best. I think I am lucky that I found out now versus 10 or 15 years later.
  • runner328
    runner328 Posts: 174
    My husband told me he wanted to separate the day before my 39th b-day. I have been w/ him 15 yrs. Helped raise out daughter (my stepdaughter) who is 17. & I worked to put him through school now he has his masters degree & making 6 figures & doesn't want to be w/ me anymore. Doesn't find me attractive. I was angry & I hated him but now I know I am too good for him & he did me a favor! I NEVER thought my marriage would end up this way. Keep your head up it will get better.
  • jend114
    jend114 Posts: 1,058 Member
    Honestly I dont know. With Nicole I just told her daddy was at work or he was out when he didn't come home.

    I told Aiden that daddy and mommy aren't going to be living together anymore. I told him that I love him very much and that I am not going anywhere. I told him he will live in a new house with me and he can still see his daddy.
    I wasn't sure if that was appropriate to say to him or not.
    [/quote]

    He's probably going to be confused for awhile and act out. Just re-assure him that you will always be there for him
  • GoodMorningGirl
    GoodMorningGirl Posts: 103 Member
    As far as your son goes, you probably want to be as upbeat as you can because kids take their cues on how to feel about things by watching their parents. Save your tears and anger for your parents, friends, or whoever else can be supportive listeners when your son is not around.

    I told my kids that Daddy was going to live in another house and we weren't married anymore, but that we are always going to be a family. They will always have their Mommy and their Daddy, just in different houses. We both have tried very hard never to argue in front of the kids or get into emotional discussions. It was really hard in the first year or so, but now it's gotten to the point where we are both healed enough to be civil and even joke around and chat sometimes. We try to only talk about the kids. It's not that I like to see my ex; it's just no longer emotionally turbulent and painful. I have to see him twice a week due to the custody, and I'm sure you'll have to get used to that too.

    Also, I would try to find an attorney right away who has a good reputation and is a peacemaker. Mine advised me to be firm on things that were important to me, but otherwise to be as conciliatory as possible. I was very happy with how my divorce turned out legally, and being giving where you can gives you credit when it comes to your most valuable resource, time with your son.
  • becky611
    becky611 Posts: 77
    As far as your son goes, you probably want to be as upbeat as you can because kids take their cues on how to feel about things by watching their parents. Save your tears and anger for your parents, friends, or whoever else can be supportive listeners when your son is not around.

    I told my kids that Daddy was going to live in another house and we weren't married anymore, but that we are always going to be a family. They will always have their Mommy and their Daddy, just in different houses. We both have tried very hard never to argue in front of the kids or get into emotional discussions. It was really hard in the first year or so, but now it's gotten to the point where we are both healed enough to be civil and even joke around and chat sometimes. We try to only talk about the kids. It's not that I like to see my ex; it's just no longer emotionally turbulent and painful. I have to see him twice a week due to the custody, and I'm sure you'll have to get used to that too.

    Also, I would try to find an attorney right away who has a good reputation and is a peacemaker. Mine advised me to be firm on things that were important to me, but otherwise to be as conciliatory as possible. I was very happy with how my divorce turned out legally, and being giving where you can gives you credit when it comes to your most valuable resource, time with your son.

    The soon to be ex and I are meeting tomorrow to discuss the money issues and our son. I am hoping that we can come to an agreement tomorrow and then I will be calling the lawyer on Friday to get this going. I am not going to let him drag me around any longer than he already has.
  • dianaskin
    dianaskin Posts: 66
    [/quote]

    YOU SAID: After finding out that he has been lying to me everyday for years, I think that I am more ANGRY than hurt. Im not sure if this is a good thing or not. I am looking forward to moving on and not feeling like an idiot and fool anymore.
    [/quote]

    MY THOUGHTS: A friend of mine went through something similar last year and she said exactly what you said "I felt like an idiot and a fool for believing his lies". And I asked her why she would feel that way. Aren't you SUPPOSED to trust your husband? Aren't you SUPPOSED to believe them? You did what you were supposed to do as a loving wife. The fact that he lied isn't YOUR fault and you shouldn't feel like an idiot or fool. This was not YOUR doing - it was his. I know some people say "there were signs" but honestly, if you don't know to look for signs you're not going to see them. Yes, you have every rigth to be angry because he betrayed a trust you gave him when you married him and a trust you continued to demonstrate during your marriage. But don't feel like an idiot or a fool - it wasn't your fault and there really was nothing you could do until it was time for you to do it! What is the alternative NOT trusting your husband for your entire marriage so that IF things don't work out you'll not have been a fool? That doesn't make sense. So be angry...but you were NOT an idiot or fool for trusting your own husband.

    Hope this helps...
  • BrownSugar81
    BrownSugar81 Posts: 34
    Good luck to you, I hope you get through this soon. You seem like a pretty strong woman who wants nothing but the best for you and your son. I know you will be OK! I am not divorced but I do come from a broken home and it was difficult growing up however my mom protected us and loved us like none other! I consider myself a very well rounded person and it's all thanks to my beautiful mother :)
  • prettyinpudge
    prettyinpudge Posts: 2 Member
    Sounds like my ex too!! but yahoo he is GONE!!!! trust me it gets a lot better, like a lot better. I just kept saying "onward and upward", i have the bestest boyfriend EVER now and life is fabulous (and pudgy haha)
    I never thought I would end up in the situation. Everything I thought I knew about our relationship was nothing but a giant lie. That is all he did was lie to me and boy did he do it so well.

    did we marry the same man? Thats what I've been thinking too lately.
  • kjenelle
    kjenelle Posts: 61 Member
    Divorce has been final for three months; and, our kids are 9, 3, 2. Unfortunate about how my kids will experience life without both biological parents but my mental health is just as important as everything else.
  • BuffTexan
    BuffTexan Posts: 270
    I forgot to add, I went through a class called DivorceCare (Google it, they have a website). They really shed a lot of light on the feelings I was having, the situation I found myself in, and I really understood that I wasn't the only person feeling what I was feeling. I found myself watching the videos and thinking, "that's how I feel!"

    Be careful who you trust, friends choose sides unfortunately. Be careful the words that come out of your mouth-hole. Things have a way of getting back to the other party and ultimately to their lawyer.
  • jend114
    jend114 Posts: 1,058 Member
    I forgot to add, I went through a class called DivorceCare (Google it, they have a website). They really shed a lot of light on the feelings I was having, the situation I found myself in, and I really understood that I wasn't the only person feeling what I was feeling. I found myself watching the videos and thinking, "that's how I feel!"

    Be careful who you trust, friends choose sides unfortunately. Be careful the words that come out of your mouth-hole. Things have a way of getting back to the other party and ultimately to their lawyer.

    Unfortunatly you find out who your true friends are during this time too.
  • becky611
    becky611 Posts: 77
    I forgot to add, I went through a class called DivorceCare (Google it, they have a website). They really shed a lot of light on the feelings I was having, the situation I found myself in, and I really understood that I wasn't the only person feeling what I was feeling. I found myself watching the videos and thinking, "that's how I feel!"

    Be careful who you trust, friends choose sides unfortunately. Be careful the words that come out of your mouth-hole. Things have a way of getting back to the other party and ultimately to their lawyer.

    Unfortunatly you find out who your true friends are during this time too.

    I feel fortunate enough that I have a couple of great friends who have been so great to me. I have told them that if it wasn't for them, I think tht I would have lost my *kitten*. You never know who your true friends are until the crap hits the fan.
  • jbdowns35
    jbdowns35 Posts: 352
    It does get better. I never married my daughter's dad, but separated when she was 2. He was worthless & a horrible father to her (she's now 19) Luckily he lived 3 hrs away & rarely bothered to see her. I met my fiance (of 11 years) when she was 8 & he has been a perfect step-dad to her. I'm so glad she was able to have a positive male role model in her life. He has 2 kids of his own (now 18 & 15) so it was challenging to be a step mom too. It is very difficult to raise kids in these 'broken' home situations, but after all these years of trial & error, it has really paid off! The kids are all great & they don't 'hate' me anymore! If you think divorce is difficult, wait til you start a new family!! It's wonderful in so many ways, but challenging too. Read books, talk to friends, the more you know, the better. The trick is to always put aside your personal feelings & keep what is best for your son your priorty. I hope that your ex is atleast a good dad, if he is, don't deny your son time with him. If he's not, well, do what you can. It's hard to explain to a kid why their dad is such a %$#^*. Just make sure he knows you both love him very much & keep everything positive in his eyes. Good luck on your journey & enjoy this time to get to know yourself & be good to yourself.
  • ginny1214
    ginny1214 Posts: 338
    Hi, I'm going through one as well with a 3 and a half year old and a 17 month old. I'm going to ad you as a friend :) I could really use support too
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