I honestly need a self esteem boost and some advice to help me in my situation

bsykes1227
bsykes1227 Posts: 1 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hello to anyone who reads this. I am a graduating college student and I am in a one sided, unstable relationship. My partner never plans or wants to spend time with me. It’s discouraging because I always extend offers for fun activities and they are usually cancelled by my partner and it’s only me extending ideas. What’s worse is that my partner constantly complains about missing me and not being with me enough when they dont actively try to spend time with me. To add to that my partner always seems to have the time and the capacity to be with their friends and do activities with them but not me. It’s been like this for months and when I try to approach my partner about the subject, they tell me that I’m making them feel bad and guilty for their actions even though they never change. This whole situation effects me negatively and my eating habits. I am a cancer survivor and I have lost a lot of weight from the various complications involved. I know I need to do something about this situation so I can advance and better myself but after I got sick I had a pretty big blow to my confidence and self esteem. I’m afraid to be without anyone but I’m afraid that I won’t find anyone else. If anyone has any advice that could be helpful for me I would really appreciate it

Replies

  • bluets2011
    bluets2011 Posts: 241 Member
    Thank you for that. OP I get you, and I also have a hard time being on my own, I’ve been trying though. Be strong you’re a survivor!
  • Sparkeysworld
    Sparkeysworld Posts: 107 Member
    ^This
  • SteamPug
    SteamPug Posts: 262 Member
    Dump him. Get fit, get strong, move on. Show him how much better you can do.
  • laurarf2685
    laurarf2685 Posts: 7 Member
    If u have a close group of friends then you aren't alone. Plus when one door closes another opens. U never know. Maybe Mr. Right may not be stepping up because u are in this relationship. Or the conference you show by not being brought down by your partner, may attrack Mr. Right. You won't know till you move forward.
  • LifeWithPie
    LifeWithPie Posts: 552 Member
    Get rid of him/her! Life's too short for misery. You're young. It will be ok.
    You make your own happiness. Don't rely on others to do that for you.
  • bstanb01
    bstanb01 Posts: 30 Member
    I would say dump them. I had a boyfriend like that, and we worked through it. Then I found out he had cheated on me twice, and for some reason I still stayed with him. I didn’t dump him until I had more confidence in myself, and I probably could have gained confidence much faster without him. And when I had more confidence in myself, I ended up finding the man that's now my husband. Being alone can seem scary, but it's better than being with someone who makes you feel like garbage, especially if it makes you treat yourself like garbage
  • Kellyss95
    Kellyss95 Posts: 24 Member
    I see red flags everywhere
  • sssgilbe
    sssgilbe Posts: 89 Member
    There are worse things than being alone.
  • oneorangecat
    oneorangecat Posts: 4 Member
    You have so much promise ahead of you! You're graduating college and will be starting your career which is an exciting time and great opportunity for you. Having a partner who drags you down, isn't supportive, won't want to go to social things with you, etc will set the stage for a lonely life. If.you are free, you can move to a job anywhere you like, meet new people and focus on your career and becoming your best self. Being single has a lot of upside (its easier to see them after 26 years of marriage haha), not being upset with your partner and surrounded with emotional.negativity is one of them, You already know what to do and just have to trust your gut. Good luck!
  • Lennonluv2
    Lennonluv2 Posts: 956 Member
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  • brightresolve
    brightresolve Posts: 1,024 Member
    edited March 2018
    You sound lonely and stressed and like you've been through a lot already. Graduating college soon (AND CONGRATS!) is a time a lot of us remember fondly, but watching my daughter recently walk through this time, it is also a time where a lot is up in the air, the uncertainty and change is SO overpowering that things crack loose. Old griefs, unresolved anger float around, and we can cling to things that feel stable and known even if they are a source of pain just because so much is in flux.

    If your school offers a counseling service to students, you might take advantage of that to help you take stock, make the decision that serves you best, and stick with it. You sound like a thoughtful, insightful person and you deserve a wonderful partner who will truly LOVE to spend time with you, will support you and welcome hearing your concerns.

    This was my gift at a time of my life when I was afraid of letting go of a known relationship: "You have to say no to what you don't want in your life before you have a chance to say YES to what you do."
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    My partner never plans or wants to spend time with me

    You are basically alone with this person. You don't have a partner. You have someone who sometimes shows up when they feel like it.
    As a graduating student your life is in a transition period. I think you would gain more confidence by letting this relationship go and working on doing things you want to do, making friends, trying new things, getting out in the world.
    When I graduated I recall getting a new hairstyle, new clothes, starting a new job, joining new groups, meeting a lot of different people. I did not have a romantic partner. It was not easy going out but it was exciting and I felt good about myself because I was doing things not because I was with someone.
    I remember feeling like I would never have a boyfriend or husband when things did not work out with a few people. They just weren't the right people. I eventually met someone through work who I later married. Holding on to a facade of a relationship could keep you from experiencing the real thing.
  • dsboohead
    dsboohead Posts: 1,899 Member
    How awful to be alone WITH someone!!
    Congrats on conquering college! Lord knows youre smart but your heart is leading you astray!
  • kelMee2
    kelMee2 Posts: 203 Member
    First of all, your partner does not deserve you, you are a survivor, you are strong and you don’t need someone like that bringing you down. I would say it’s time for a fresh start, get rid of your partner and go and do fun things with your friends and people who value the time you spend with them.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    Being alone is SO much better than being with the wrong person. As others have mentioned, you're already alone. Get rid of the negative person in your life, focus on yourself and starting a new life. Should be a very exciting time for you!

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