Family and Food

honkinballs
honkinballs Posts: 34 Member
edited November 25 in Health and Weight Loss
Disclaimer; I am not blaming anyone else for my own actions. I put the food in my mouth hole and there are consequences.

When I was young, as much as I love my parents I never really got a good role model for health so I was always a bigger kid. Living with them for a while after high school my weight also shot up. I managed to get to 330 pounds at one point.

I now live on my own. Family still lives in town which is fine. But man, with me counting calories I don't think they realize (and I never fully knew) how much people just EAT. Worst of all, how they don't consider you as well even if you stay out of their way as much as possible regarding food.

For example: my grandparents live in town. This Saturday I went and installed new furniture for them, no big deal right? I told grandma that I couldn't stay around too long since I had some spring cleaning at my place. While that was true, it was also a way to try and weasel out of eating her lunch. It's not that the lunch is bad, I just can't count the calories in it. So of course she keeps offering while I'm putting things together and I say no thanks but I appreciate it. She can tell it's taking me a while so she makes it anyway and when I'm done insists I eat it. I try again to weasel out of it but she tells me how hard she's worked on it. After we eat she tells me as a way to say thanks for helping she is taking me out to a buffet and has me plan the day and time for it right there. I'm wondering if after this occasion I'll just have to be blunt with her on the feeding. I know she's doing it too because I mentioned considering fasting and she freaked out on me about it. How can I say no to someone who is 80 years old? I mean, sure I guess I can but do I want to deal with the idea of "wow you were a total jerk to her the day she died"?

And holy *kitten* don't get me started on the rest of the family. Again I love them but it's like every weekend seems like a reason to have yet another feast. I have a mostly Mormon family so it seems like every other weekend someone is having a birthday. And it's always the same kind of sob story, I worked so hard on this, just have a little, etc.

I'm contemplating just living off the land in the mountains at this point if it means I'll lose the weight. I could have lost way more at this point (I'm proud of the 110 so far but I should have easily been down 140 by now).

How do you people do it? I try talking to my family about this but no one wants to listen.

Replies

  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 14,303 Member
    edited April 2018
    Sometimes it just sucks.

    While you can try Melanie's way, I don't know that it will work.

    The nuclear option always exists as a fall back and has the potential of burning bridges and coming back to haunt you in the future.

    You can always go on the attack: i thought you loved me and want what's good for me.

    My doctor ordered me to lose weight because of her concerns about me developing (insert diabetes/blood pressure/fatty liver/other disease or illness) and i feel as if you're actively sabotaging me.

    Do you love me, or are you actively trying to hurt my health?

    Crying and wailing and butt hurt will follow.

    Be prepared for people watching everything you eat and offering useless suggestions.

    And live with the consequences and hurt feelings.

    Unfortunately people are not always willing to live and let live or MYOB.
  • mazcor536
    mazcor536 Posts: 115 Member
    My mother is the same! I make sure I’m in the kitchen now, and am slowly taking over the cooking so she can play with my kids when we visit. At least that way, I can still log reasonably accurately, and make dinner suggestions that are perhaps a little less calorie dense than they would otherwise be. Perhaps see if you can help out in the kitchen a bit, and ultimately you need to tell them exactly what you’re doing (calorie limit, how much you need to lose, show them the bmi chart or something) so they can see you’re aiming for healthy so they don’t worry.
  • MichelleSilverleaf
    MichelleSilverleaf Posts: 2,027 Member
    It's okay to set boundaries even with immediate family (especially with immediate family). No thanks means no thanks, and if they start with the guilt trips or act insulted because you declined that's on them, not you.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    I don't live in the same state as any of my family so don't have to fend off guilt food on a weekly/daily basis.

    I would just practice saying things like looks great but I just ate, I'm not hungry, let me take some for later.
    If you need to lose to be a healthy weight maybe play the medical card- my doctor says I need to lose, I have to limit my calorie intake. I can eat lots of vegetables but not lots of cheese or fried foods.
    If there is anything you feel you can eat that they make maybe make sure to give it lots of positive compliments. "Remember that grilled chicken Aunt Jill made... I really enjoyed that."
    Take lower calorie dishes to share. Talk about tasty low calorie foods you have tried.
    Pick a different reward. Grandma I'd love to go with you to a concert in the park, a movie, go for a cup of coffee or have you make me a hat.

    Keep saying no to stuff you don't want as nicely as possible.If you are consistant they will get used to it. You are going to outlive a bunch of these people.
  • musicfan68
    musicfan68 Posts: 1,143 Member
    My mom is this way. She's diabetic but doesn't eat the way she should and makes a lot of high-carb, high calorie stuff. She takes it as a personal affront if you don't eat something she made and she will harass you until you do. She sends stuff home with me like leftovers, regularly. I take them because she doesn't need the crap, and it immediately goes in my garbage when I get home. Some things I will keep, but there are things that as soon as I get out of my car, goes in the garbage before I even get in the house.

    I just take very small servings if I have to eat something at her house, and have just learned to say no and ignore repeated attempts to get me to eat more.
  • dsboohead
    dsboohead Posts: 1,899 Member
    Manipulate to fit you! Yup....sample and declare you would love to have it packed to take home!
    Drive your car down the street and find the closest trash can!
    Better wasted in the trash than in you!
  • dsboohead
    dsboohead Posts: 1,899 Member
    I just do not understand food pushers :/
  • thedanigirl1
    thedanigirl1 Posts: 4 Member
    edited April 2018
    I understand your frustration! My sister is anorexic, so that means I am automatically watched like a hawk too...cause, you know, anorexia is contagious. While I know they just don't want to see me do what she does, any time I lose a little, look more muscular, there are the comments, offers of food, constantly loading me up with food to take home. My mom commented 2 days ago on my "obvious weight loss" (5 lb, if I weigh before eating LOL) as though it were a problem. I just had to let it roll off, cause the more I disagree, the more intense they worry. Again I get it, my sister has been anorexic for almost 2 decades, so the entire family has been through a lot of pain watching it, but it does make it hard for me to just be healthy without triggering a panic attack.
  • HeyJudii
    HeyJudii Posts: 264 Member
    edited April 2018
    I have a friend whose husband says he is allergic to whatever is being forced on to him. I have used that, and, "I am not feeling that great right now", (also, "I have an upset stomach right now", "Every time I have eaten today I get violent diarrhea", etc.)
    If they reply, "You never were allergic to this before!" I tell them that is exactly what I said to my allergy doctor, and he replied, "Well, you are now."

    I feel guilty about the lie, but it's either hate myself for the lie, or hate myself for eating something I didn't want to eat. ;)
  • xbowhunter
    xbowhunter Posts: 1,309 Member
    edited April 2018
    My Wife is Italian. Eating at my in-laws is usually a huge gorge-fest and all I hear is "Monja Monja you need to eat & have another glass of red-wine" lol


    I have to be very stern with them & I dish out my own potions or else I would be way over every time I visit them. Sad thing is they are all over weight & have no idea what they are doing to themselves... :(
  • corinasue1143
    corinasue1143 Posts: 7,460 Member
    I wish there was some way to make food pushers listen. Trash can down the street sounds like the best answer so far.
  • RuNaRoUnDaFiEld
    RuNaRoUnDaFiEld Posts: 5,864 Member
    Take a bag of salad with you, then eat the full bag plus some of the meal they make.

    They do it because they love you but they don't see it isn't what you need them to do.

    My family is used to me turning up with a bag of steamed veg now, only took 20 years!
  • iWishMyNameWasRebel
    iWishMyNameWasRebel Posts: 174 Member
    Family (and some coworkers) are the worst. Some of them you just cannot get through to. I've had to just learn the ones I have to bark "no thanks, doctor's orders" (whether they are or not), and stick to it, every single time. I even have trouble with some wait staff at restaurants because I'll order food, eat about 1/4 of it, then ask for a box and they look so concerned that I ate so little, I have to tell them something like "I'm not feeling well today" to get them to leave me alone. Why do some people think it's okay to have an opinion about what you eat, or don't eat? Offer it, accept the first response and shut the heck up. Simple!
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