Breaking All or Nothing Mindset

ckam78 · April 2018

I am starting again. It has been over a year since I had my last attempt at focusing on my health - I had started a successful weight loss journey & was feeling great... and then birthday/travel and was off wagon altogether. I have been thinking a lot about this mindset - how I am either healthy or not, dieting or not, 5 day/week workouts or nothing. I am committed to trying to break that mindset as it is usually source of me giving up at some point, but I thought I would turn to this community for thoughts, their own successes in conquering this thinking. Have others found lessons to bear that all-or-nothing mindset around health & weight loss and at first slip or indulgence it is all for nothing and might as well just eat with abandon? I know logically this makes no sense, but I still do this! Guidance welcome!!

JeromeBarry1 · April 2018

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/search?adv=&search=All+or+nothing+mindset&title=&author=&cat=all&tags=&discussion_d=1&comment_c=1&group_group=1&within=1+day&date=

Maybe your issues have already been discussed.

CarvedTones · April 2018

Start tracking every single thing you eat, eating what you like and then take a look at the numbers and be realistic about what you cut out and/or cut back on. Eat the same things but only allow a smaller number of calories by budgeting how much of what things you can eat and when. Then do a reality check about getting enough protein, veggies and whatnot. if it is a diet that you are "all in" with the expectation that the diet will be over at some point, you are setting up for failure. This I know from personal experience.

janejellyroll · April 2018

I was never able to find lasting, sustainable, and comfortable success until I let go of the all-or-nothing mindset.

I found it useful to begin thinking of food and activity the way I think about my financial budget. If I have an unexpected bill or simply can't resist buying something I really shouldn't have, I never tell myself "Well, I might as well spend it all now!" No -- I look for ways to cut back on other things or make sure that I'm careful with my spending for the rest of the month.

It's the same way with food. If I grab a bagel or something in an AM meeting that I hadn't planned for, I don't throw in the towel for the rest of the day. I adjust something for a later meal or go for a walk before dinner. I find a way to make it work, just like I would financially. Abandoning my calorie goal for the day because I grabbed an unexpected snack makes about as much sense to me (now!) as spending my rent money for a vacation just because I made an impulse purchase of a lipstick at Sephora.

dsboohead · April 2018

If you are this personality in all aspects of your life it may be a difficult challenge.
You know perfection is not mandatory. Being on the right track 66% of the time is.
None of us are perfect and neither are you.....don't use non perfection as an excuse to throw the baby out with the bathwater!

SalinitySally · April 2018

JeromeBarry1 wrote: »

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/search?adv=&search=All+or+nothing+mindset&title=&author=&cat=all&tags=&discussion_d=1&comment_c=1&group_group=1&within=1+day&date=

Maybe your issues have already been discussed.

Doesn’t look like it.

LivingtheLeanDream · April 2018

Been there done that...but thankfully I saw the light lol slow and steady weight loss is where its at imo.

it took me a year to lose 20lbs and reach my goal but hey, it's almost 5 years on and I kept them off

Being able to eat whatever I wanted and never feel deprived meant that I never felt I was in a diet. I lost eating an average of 1700 cals gross/ including exercise to lose 0.5lbs a week. I now maintain on 2000 cals - not bad for being nearly 50 and only 5ft 2

cwolfman13 · April 2018

I've always been more of a big picture thinker so I've never really had this issue...but when you look at the bigger picture, you will typically realize that what is happening most of the time is what is important, not this particular occasion or that.

It's not realistic to think you're going to be bang on all of the time...nobody is, and you don't have to be.

ugofatcat · April 2018

I ask myself,

What is better, going for a 20 minute walk or sitting on the couch?
What is better, having a bowl of ice cream that puts me 300 over my calories, or having a bowl of ice cream, 3 servings of tortilla chips, chocolate, and cookies that puts me 1,000 over my calories?

Basically, what is the best I can do in this situation going forward?

Sunshine_And_Sand · April 2018

OP, that actually makes perfect sense. I struggle with the all or nothing mindset too. Tracking calories does actually help me with this so that I can see that the doughnut (or whatever) DIDN'T actually ruin the whole day and so I am more likely to eat just one of them instead of three.
I also struggle with that mindset with exercise sometimes. "Is it worth my time if I don't have time to do 3 miles? I'll just not exercise at all..." I talked myself out of a lot of 1-2 mile runs and walks with that mindset and then ate horribly on those days because of it as well. Logging is helpful for this as well to help see that 1 mile is better than 0 (or whatever activity you do).
Good luck! You got this!

ckam78 · April 2018

Thank you all! I missed this community! You never fail to deliver wisdom & encouragement. Thank you for your links, personal learnings, and encouragements - they truly are helpful. I wrote a few on post-it notes for my vanity as reminders. Logging everything, logic about each excision independent of the next, and avoiding need for perfectionism are the path to success! I can do this!

steveko89 · April 2018

In general, I think the mindset portion of weight loss and nutrition isn't talked about enough. All-or-nothing likely won't work because expecting to be perfect all the time is a fool's errand. Too often (as you mentioned about your birthday/travel) life gets in the way of our weight loss pursuit and even the best laid plans get upended. I actually have this sort of discussion with a very good friend of mine regularly who favors the terminology of "behaving/misbehaving". Rather than this binary approach, think of the journey as one of continued education and improvement. There are two big pieces of advice regarding mindset I read on NerdFitness that have really stuck with me:

- Never miss two-in-a-row
- 80/20 Rule

Never missing two-in-a-row is pretty self-explanatory and helps buck the all-or-nothing mindset. If you have a bad day or meal, double down on making sure the next instance is on-point. Instead of dwelling on the negative event or choice made, make an effort to identify what the root cause was and work to correct and minimize the occurrence in the future.

The 80/20 Rule is that even if you're only on-plan/making the right choices 80% of the time, that's far better than 0% of the time and you'll still see results. Accountability is still crucial but there's a fine line to toe in order to keep from beating yourself up about missteps or giving up entirely.

Personally, though I'm technically at a healthy weight, I'm currently on a cut trying to bring down my body fat %. To do so I've set a fairly aggressive calorie target requisite to about 1.3 lbs/week. Before someone jumps in telling me "You're doing it all wrong!" I recognize this is very aggressive for the amount of weight I'm trying to lose and rarely hit this mark. However, I know that as long as I'm still under my TDEE I'm working towards my ultimate goal. Allowing myself this wiggle room has been very freeing when circumstances arise where I can chose to indulge a little; have some leftover Easter candy, an extra slice of pizza at a birthday party, that last cupcake in the breakroom at work, etc. without beating myself up about it.

lightenup2016 · April 2018

I also struggle with an all or nothing mindset. Sometimes it works for me, and sometimes it doesn't. For instance, many years back I was drinking way too many soft drinks, and went cold turkey to stop the habit. I haven't had a soft drink in about 20 years, and I've never missed them.

With my diet, it's definitely been a struggle. I'm back to logging/counting calories after a few starts and stops over the years. With logging I'm either very into it and keeping up 100%, or I totally slack off and do it hardly at all. I'm not quite sure how to tackle that one, and right now I'm doing good with logging, so it's not an issue.

One place where I have found something that helps, is with the day-to-day sticking to my calorie allowance. I found that it really helps to look at it on a weekly basis rather than just a daily basis. So then, if I go over one day, even 300 to 500 calories over, I can look at the weekly spread and see that it really doesn't have as much effect as I would have thought. And for me, since I only have 10 to 15 pounds left to lose, and I'm not in a hurry, sometimes my attitude has to be that as long as I'm under maintenance for the week, that's fine. I was even over maintenance for the week a couple weeks ago, but for the month overall, I'm still under, and lost a couple of lbs. I'm hoping this helps me for the long-haul when it comes to logging and losing/maintaining weight.

missh1967 · April 2018

Oh, yes, Ma'am. I had the "all or nothing" mindset for a very long time. I have learned to chill out and realize that consistency is key. I will have bad days, but as long as those days are not every single day and I have more good days, I will come out ahead.

Getting over this mindset takes practice, and practice makes perfect. So, keep on practicing letting go of that thought process.

Breaking All or Nothing Mindset

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