Feeling defeated from someone's insensitive remarks today

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  • CheezWhiz88
    CheezWhiz88 Posts: 116 Member
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    stevenscott5582 wrote: »
    I'm still obese but am making great progress on my weight loss goals.

    This is the important part: regardless of where we are on our journey, if we are trying to better ourselves, then we are doing all we can do. I think it’s admirable you took the high road. While they may have believed their heart to have been in the right place, it doesn’t make it appropriate to remark on another person’s weight. We are all struggling with our own obstacles; just because ours may be visible, doesn’t mean it should be open for discussion.

    Keep up the great work, you got this.
  • Emmalovestorun
    Emmalovestorun Posts: 168 Member
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    stevenscott5582 wrote: »
    Hi everyone,

    I'm sorry if this is not the right forum but I'm feeling kind of defeated today and need to vent.

    I'm still obese but am making great progress on my weight loss goals. MyFitnessPal is truly a blessing, by the way. :smile:

    Anyway, today, my wife and I decided to go to a local park to walk. We're usually at the gym but decided to take advantage of the nice weather. As I finished my first lap around the park, a lady whom I don't even know decides to ask me:

    Her: "Are you all out trying to lose some weight?"

    Me: "Yeah, just enjoying the nice weather."

    Her: Have you ever seen that show "Bariatric Surgery?" (She meant TLC's "My 600 Pound Life.")

    Me: "Yeah."

    Her: "You should really try that!" "They have people 600 or more pounds on there losing weight." "I think it would really work for you!"

    While I'm still medically obese, I'm nowhere near the size of people on that show. It was almost like she was trying to sell weight loss surgery to me.

    Now, I'm trying to walk away the whole time and instead of turning around and censuring her for her insensitive remarks, I'm shocked to the core at what I'm hearing. I turn to my wife, whose several feet behind me and inform her what the lady said. Naturally, she was furious and wanted to tell her off. I was still in so much shock and felt humiliated and defeated, I just wanted to leave.

    I don't think her remarks were made out of malice but seriously, how could she NOT see that a comment like that directed at someone trying to better their health would be insulting??

    Why do people feel it's their business to but in on things like this?!

    I'm so sorry you had to go through this, some people really are truly unbelievable, I have no words
  • kelMee2
    kelMee2 Posts: 203 Member
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    Sometimes I really wish it was possible to slap stupidity and ignorance out of people but until then the best thing to do is rise above it. My sister in law did something recently which could really have hurt my feelings if it wasn’t so hypocritical. The only people that know I’m losing weight are my husband, kids and 2 friends, I haven’t told anyone else because really it isn’t any of there business. Recently my sister in law tried to add me to a slimming group on Facebook, I ignored the request and she sent it again now the only reason I laughed it off is because my sister in law is twice the size of me and isn’t actively trying to lose weight but she thought it was ok to in a way criticise me and my weight. Be proud of who you are and what you are achieving, small minded people aren’t worth your time.
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
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    I am in the camp of words can only have power over you if you allow them. With that said it isn't a fun experience and even worse when it comes from a child. You really do not want to run into a kid with an opinion about your weight because they can really be brutal.

    I have been recently watching Northern Exposure again and I am reminded of a line that Ed said. It was something like "Unwanted advice can be taken as an act of aggression". Personally I would have told her, as politely as I could, that she was being rude and she should never do it again. I would want to spare her next victim from a similar encounter.
  • artbyrachelh
    artbyrachelh Posts: 338 Member
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    RAinWA wrote: »
    I really would have been tempted to say "oh, is that how you did it?" Then again, I'm a well-known smart *kitten*.

    Just ignore stupid people, they really aren't worth the time.

    That's my FAVORITE game to play... dumb! It gets me through countless interactions with my inlaws. "Oh, really? Oh interesting! Oh I didn't know that!" Omg they must think I'm an idiot
  • Marilyn0924
    Marilyn0924 Posts: 797 Member
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    My favourite response to this type of person is one I learned from a friend who hailed from southern U.S.
    "Bless her heart".

    OP, you got this. Just keep doing what you're doing.
  • delkat00
    delkat00 Posts: 1 Member
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    Sometimes people think they're helping you. Sometimes they don't mean to hurt you, or your feelings, maybe they see themselves as "healthy" or maybe theyre happy and they have the attitude of "everyone should feel this way!!!" So they say something, to help others. So it's said out of a good place, she was prob trying to encourage you. (In her eyes)
    However, I also would be highly offended also. I've had people say rude remarks about my shape. Its not appreciated. Nor did I ask what they thought of it lol which leads me to the next point, it's none of your business what others think of you.
    Don't let that person discourage you or bring you down in anyway. You don't need her thoughts or opinions, so push that crap out of your head.

    What you need to know is that youre doing big things. Youre bettering your life. Youre making a choice to try harder, Do better, eat better foods that are actually going to help your body improve and exercising. YOU made all those life choices to reach YOUR goals. And in the end it will be your victory, not hers:) Dont let this lady bring you down, your doin great, kid.
    So for real, forget that lady. Shes cray
  • mom23mangos
    mom23mangos Posts: 3,070 Member
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    iWishMyNameWasRebel wrote: »
    When I first started on my fitness journey, I was taken by surprise by these comments regarding my shrinking physique as well as my physical activity, so I was unprepared. Now, though, I'm ready for them. For the lady in the gym who says "keep it up and you'll lose weight in no time" I told her "actually, my focus is on strength, so thanks for noticing my hard work to build muscle." And the man who interrupted me smack in the middle of a lift to have me put down my weights and take out my earbuds so he could tell me I was not doing a real move and was going to hurt myself, I told him "thanks for your concern, but I have a trainer and am in correct form, and I need to start over now."

    Those are great, mature, respectful responses. You really take the high road. Fantastic examples.
  • 100_PROOF_
    100_PROOF_ Posts: 1,168 Member
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    Wow! I'm so sorry that happened to you. That was totally uncalled for.
    Some people are just out of their darn minds. Crazy people sometimes say crazy things.
    I'm so sorry that it happened though.

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