Feeling defeated from someone's insensitive remarks today

OP: What an awful experience. I've had a few of my own that have cut me to the core. Keep working toward your goals, you are doing great- and you have a whole host of people that have your back!

RAinWA wrote: »

I really would have been tempted to say "oh, is that how you did it?" Then again, I'm a well-known smart *kitten*.

Just ignore stupid people, they really aren't worth the time.

I'm going to put that in the book

That woman is a crazy uncouth weirdo and probably not well-liked even by her own family.
Carry on with your efforts secure in that knowledge.

It is terribly disheartening, even if it's said out of ignorance with positive intentions. Screw their positive intentions. What's the saying? "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." People need to be expected to do better instead of being told they have a right to blurt out every thought they have. Now, I do expect people I am acquainted with to make comments because they see the difference happening. Okay, fine, be curious and ask, that's cool. But ya know, when a total stranger who's never seen me before makes an assumption that because I'm outside walking it means they can advise me on weight loss, well, they need to be prepared to hear what I think about their presumptuous self righteousness. Who knows...maybe one of them will learn something and not say stupid crap to the next not-skinny person out talking a walk. Or at the very least, will instead comment on what a nice day it is and how great it feels to be outside instead of discussing a stranger's private health. Gah. If it helps any, these are usually the same people who will stare at a person with a replacement limb and then start blurting out all kinds of intrusive comments to them. It truly is THEM making assumptions about anything they perceive as different in their eyes.

When I first started on my fitness journey, I was taken by surprise by these comments regarding my shrinking physique as well as my physical activity, so I was unprepared. Now, though, I'm ready for them. For the lady in the gym who says "keep it up and you'll lose weight in no time" I told her "actually, my focus is on strength, so thanks for noticing my hard work to build muscle." And the man who interrupted me smack in the middle of a lift to have me put down my weights and take out my earbuds so he could tell me I was not doing a real move and was going to hurt myself, I told him "thanks for your concern, but I have a trainer and am in correct form, and I need to start over now."

Glad you shared that story, I hope the shared outrage from your fellow MFP'ers helps both you and all of us. Now, where shall I call in the airstrike?

stevenscott5582 wrote: »

Hi everyone,

I'm sorry if this is not the right forum but I'm feeling kind of defeated today and need to vent.

I'm still obese but am making great progress on my weight loss goals. MyFitnessPal is truly a blessing, by the way.

Anyway, today, my wife and I decided to go to a local park to walk. We're usually at the gym but decided to take advantage of the nice weather. As I finished my first lap around the park, a lady whom I don't even know decides to ask me:

Her: "Are you all out trying to lose some weight?"

Me: "Yeah, just enjoying the nice weather."

Her: Have you ever seen that show "Bariatric Surgery?" (She meant TLC's "My 600 Pound Life.")

Me: "Yeah."

Her: "You should really try that!" "They have people 600 or more pounds on there losing weight." "I think it would really work for you!"

While I'm still medically obese, I'm nowhere near the size of people on that show. It was almost like she was trying to sell weight loss surgery to me.

Now, I'm trying to walk away the whole time and instead of turning around and censuring her for her insensitive remarks, I'm shocked to the core at what I'm hearing. I turn to my wife, whose several feet behind me and inform her what the lady said. Naturally, she was furious and wanted to tell her off. I was still in so much shock and felt humiliated and defeated, I just wanted to leave.

I don't think her remarks were made out of malice but seriously, how could she NOT see that a comment like that directed at someone trying to better their health would be insulting??

Why do people feel it's their business to but in on things like this?!

I'm so sorry you had to go through this, some people really are truly unbelievable, I have no words

I am in the camp of words can only have power over you if you allow them. With that said it isn't a fun experience and even worse when it comes from a child. You really do not want to run into a kid with an opinion about your weight because they can really be brutal.

I have been recently watching Northern Exposure again and I am reminded of a line that Ed said. It was something like "Unwanted advice can be taken as an act of aggression". Personally I would have told her, as politely as I could, that she was being rude and she should never do it again. I would want to spare her next victim from a similar encounter.

RAinWA wrote: »

I really would have been tempted to say "oh, is that how you did it?" Then again, I'm a well-known smart *kitten*.

Just ignore stupid people, they really aren't worth the time.

That's my FAVORITE game to play... dumb! It gets me through countless interactions with my inlaws. "Oh, really? Oh interesting! Oh I didn't know that!" Omg they must think I'm an idiot

Sometimes people think they're helping you. Sometimes they don't mean to hurt you, or your feelings, maybe they see themselves as "healthy" or maybe theyre happy and they have the attitude of "everyone should feel this way!!!" So they say something, to help others. So it's said out of a good place, she was prob trying to encourage you. (In her eyes)
However, I also would be highly offended also. I've had people say rude remarks about my shape. Its not appreciated. Nor did I ask what they thought of it lol which leads me to the next point, it's none of your business what others think of you.
Don't let that person discourage you or bring you down in anyway. You don't need her thoughts or opinions, so push that crap out of your head.

What you need to know is that youre doing big things. Youre bettering your life. Youre making a choice to try harder, Do better, eat better foods that are actually going to help your body improve and exercising. YOU made all those life choices to reach YOUR goals. And in the end it will be your victory, not hers:) Dont let this lady bring you down, your doin great, kid.
So for real, forget that lady. Shes cray

Wow! I'm so sorry that happened to you. That was totally uncalled for.
Some people are just out of their darn minds. Crazy people sometimes say crazy things.
I'm so sorry that it happened though.