I don't need everyone in my life to be supportive...

thedreamhazer
thedreamhazer Posts: 1,156 Member
edited October 1 in Motivation and Support
...but it would be nice if they were, you know?

In general, the people in my life have been pretty great! My dad especially, telling me that he's very proud of me. He was always a gym buff when he was younger, so I think he likes to see one of his daughters become one too, lol!

My issue has been more with my stepmom and my older sister. My stepmom is overweight, and constantly trying to lose weight. She's a great woman, but she can be a bit brash. Which is why I try to not let it get to me, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't. For instance, one day I was getting up to go grab a snack from the kitchen. I was craving sweets pretty badly, so I grabbed a bowl (a serving size!) of my Dreamy chocolate 90 calorie ice cream. As I sat back down with it, she says to me, "You better watch those snacks or you're not going to fit into those size 7/8s much longer!"

Um, thanks for the advice? Hate to admit how long that comment has stuck with me. But not nearly as much as what my older sister said.

She lost a lot of weight over the past few years, and looks awesome. She's 6 feet tall and a size 4/6. I mean, can you really beat that? She's gorgeous! At 5'8.5, I am the shortest in my family and, as unreasonable as this is, I always feel like a dumpy troll next to them. So this past Christmas, I've just lost 20 lbs. She sees me and comments that I look good. Somehow she brings up measurements. I mention that I've lost a lot off my waist, bringing me down to 29 inches. She then looks at me with what can only be described as scorn in her eyes and says (hisses, perhaps), "There is no way your waist is 29 inches. MY waist isn't even 29 inches!"

Well, gee sis. That sucks for you, I guess, but just because yours isn't doesn't mean that mine isn't. We're not the same person, in case you forgot. Maybe it has something to do with that FOUR INCHES of height that you have on me. Maybe.

It's hard to not dwell on these unsupportive moments :\

Replies

  • 2bFitNTrim
    2bFitNTrim Posts: 1,209 Member
    Sounds like you have a couple of green eyed monsters in your family. Keep doing what you know is good for you. Thank goodness for dear old Dad!
  • Jamiebaby05
    Jamiebaby05 Posts: 47 Member
    OH girlfriend i so feel your pain.....i have dealt with so much critisizm with my family and its those bitter sweet moments that you have to use for fuel.....You know the truth and you just wish they would support you without any "backtalk"....

    I have gotten very selfish recently....ive just decided that i am going to have what i want and it doesn't matter what anyone (including my family) thinks. I have lived my life beyond reason for other people for way too long. I am going to get to my goal weight and nobody is going to stop me....

    Just remember that jelousy brings out the worst in people......may it role off your back like water!
    Your doing amazing......keep up the good work girl!
  • Marig0ld
    Marig0ld Posts: 671 Member
    (((hugs))) I am sorry! You just gotta let those comments slide, as hard as it is. It REALLY is jealousy, as much as they may not want to admit it!

    I find it funny that when I first began getting serious about changing my exercise and eating habits, many people brushed it off. One person even said "yeah right, I wonder how long that's gonna last!" Now, 6 months later, people are asking me what my "secret" is. I just gotta remember that this is about ME and not other people! If they're supportive than it's just a bonus.

    Congrats on your progress!!!
  • thedreamhazer
    thedreamhazer Posts: 1,156 Member
    Thanks, everyone! I feel like it was silly even to post this, but I'm in a low moment so sharing that things that are bothering me and getting support back really helps :)

    You're all amazing!
  • cameralinds
    cameralinds Posts: 239
    It's really hard when those that we want to be the most supportive are sometimes the least supportive. You have to remember, they have their battles with food and their bodies too. I'm not okaying the lashing comments, but they are coming from a place that hurts within them. I'm really not justifying their behavior, don't think I am. For now, cherish the closeness that you've gotten with your Dad because of this lifestyle change. And be proud of yourself for all the hard work you have done! Appreciate all of your hard work! You've done great! :)
  • thedreamhazer
    thedreamhazer Posts: 1,156 Member
    It's really hard when those that we want to be the most supportive are sometimes the least supportive. You have to remember, they have their battles with food and their bodies too. I'm not okaying the lashing comments, but they are coming from a place that hurts within them. I'm really not justifying their behavior, don't think I am. For now, cherish the closeness that you've gotten with your Dad because of this lifestyle change. And be proud of yourself for all the hard work you have done! Appreciate all of your hard work! You've done great! :)

    You're right --- and I do try to keep that in mind. With my stepmom's ongoing struggles, and the fact that my sister pushed through all of this herself, I know that it comes from their own self-image demons. They didn't want to hurt me, I just think that they couldn't stop themselves because they were feeling hurt (and the hurt come from their own selves, which is really the worst kind). I just try to remember how much these stuck with me, though, to try to keep myself from resorting to the same behavior.

    I mean, I'm certainly not free from blame. I have a great friend who lost 30 lbs. after high school. Thing was, she was already pretty small, at 5'7 and 130-something. I may have said the things I said out of concern, but after being on MFP and seeing how people are affected by comments about being "too small" I've felt pretty ashamed by what I said to her and have proactively changed my behavior. Because even if there was a problem (and there was -- turns out her roommate had "taught" her how to throw up) my comments didn't help. I told her she was too skinny constantly. I commented on her ribs. In other words --- I did everything you shouldn't do to someone with a blossoming eating disorder -- I criticized her body. After I realized how wrong what I was doing was, I kept my big mouth shut. I stopped commenting on her weight, and started to ask how she was doing, how she felt, and expressed concern for her well-being without referring to her body.

    She has since gotten better. She is now a healthy weight and seems very happy.

    My point being -- we all say hurtful things sometimes without meaning to be hurtful, and a lot of times it's just reactive, or coming from a place of good.
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