Re-boot

Hi, my name is Eavie, I'm 59 and have been a member since 2012 apparently. I am just restarting logging on MFP today. I've been pretty lucky all of my adult life, relatively fit, fairly active, etc. Menapause hit me pretty hard as far as weight gain and I joined in 2012 wanting to lose weight from an all time high of 195. I'm 5'6. I did pretty well. my weight went down to about 170 and I was pretty happy and managed to maintain until around the middle of 2017 when I had to put my mom in a nursing home for dementia. I watched her wither away until she passed in September. During that time, I was having some very intense mental issues with depression and binge eating.
I ate everything I could all the time. I went through the holidays, trying to convince everyone I was fine while eating my weight in food every week. There was so much that happened to my mother on the last day of her life and I was her medical guardian. I just kept running that last day through my mind over and over second guessing every decision I made.

When I went for my annual physical on March 5th, I weighed an whopping 227 pounds. I was shocked and disgusted with myself. My dr. was super concerned with the weight gain and immediatly started questioning my mental status and I just burst into tears and started blubbering about everything that happened last year. He then put me on medication that would help my mood, anxiety and motivation and I got to work on myself. What concerned me the most was my lipid panels. My cholesterol @226 and my triglycerides @245, were the highest ever. HDL/LDL and ratio was still good. Sugar was still ok at 87 with 4.2% A1C so I knew my body was not beyond repair and as of this morning I have lost 20 pounds. I do need a community though as I sometimes feel so alone in this.