Lost and devastated

ginnyg
ginnyg Posts: 23 Member
edited September 18 in Motivation and Support
Well a month in to my "new me" challenge to shed 80lbs and my boyfriend has decided that he doesn't love me "the way he should" and therefore he has thrown away our whole relationship and I have moved out of our home and I am sleeping on my mums couch with our 2 dogs.:brokenheart: :sad:

I need some support, I thought I would want to eat everything in sight, I always used to comfort eat, but since learning of this all from him (out of the blue) I have eaten almost nothing for 5 days (sleeping is a problem too) and I can't face food at all. I know I need to eat but my body/mind seems to think otherwise, can anyone help?:brokenheart:

Replies

  • ginnyg
    ginnyg Posts: 23 Member
    Well a month in to my "new me" challenge to shed 80lbs and my boyfriend has decided that he doesn't love me "the way he should" and therefore he has thrown away our whole relationship and I have moved out of our home and I am sleeping on my mums couch with our 2 dogs.:brokenheart: :sad:

    I need some support, I thought I would want to eat everything in sight, I always used to comfort eat, but since learning of this all from him (out of the blue) I have eaten almost nothing for 5 days (sleeping is a problem too) and I can't face food at all. I know I need to eat but my body/mind seems to think otherwise, can anyone help?:brokenheart:
  • yoginimary
    yoginimary Posts: 6,788 Member
    Force yourself to eat. Make a fruit salad or some cut up veggies - make a lot - you may realize you are very hungry after all and eat the entire plate.

    Force yourself to exercise. It will make you feel better - maybe not the first day, but it will.

    Best of luck to you.
  • memaw66
    memaw66 Posts: 2,558 Member
    I am so sorry that he did that to you. Maybe you can use this as motivation. Prove to yourself that you don't need him all you need is you. You need to love yourself enough to make the changes to be healthy for you and only you. Focus on getting yourself well and healed instead of the loss of him. I know that is easier said than done, but just think of how proud of yourself and the self esteem you will gain from doing that.

    Good luck and we are all here for you whenever you need to vent!!!


    Memaw
  • kprakash
    kprakash Posts: 8
    The important thing is to love yourself. That is hard - I know. I have been through a divorce and felt the same way you do now. However, your boyfriend did not love you unconditionally and you deserve that type of love.

    You need to take it one day at a time, love yourself and teach others how to treat you.
  • thewelch_family
    thewelch_family Posts: 42
    I am so sorry, guys can be axxxxxx's at times. I think you should use this as your motivation. You don't need someone like him in your life to bring you down especially when you are doing something good for you (I have been in this situation before and it sucks when your in it). My motivation was that I was going to look good and he would be jealous and that kept me motivated (sounds stupid but whatever works right).

    We are all here for you. If you need anything just let me know. Keep your head up and things will work out for the best.

    Melissa
  • RunningRatty
    RunningRatty Posts: 161
    I have sent you a message...we are all here for you.

    Jane
  • skinnydreams
    skinnydreams Posts: 1,178 Member
    So sorry to hear about your situation......I agree with the others, push through this and allow it to make you stronger! Try your best to eat, you don't want to slow down your metabolism...you've worked too hard for that! And just imagine how great you'll feel when you've accomplished your goals here, don't give up on yourself!
  • mariella
    mariella Posts: 4
    Just hang in there... try to have healthy food to eat... you are wonderful person... he does not realize it and does not deserve you... why you should feel down for him... Probably things happen for a good reason... take this as a start of your new you !! your new life!! learn to be by yourself and appreciate yourself... and start a new healthy life ... keep busy ... working out, volunteering, working, etc...
  • eyescatchfire
    eyescatchfire Posts: 257 Member
    I'm really sorry to hear how upset you are. Whenever I don't feel like eating, I always feel like a milkshake--so make a healthy one with yogurt, fruit, and maybe some protein powder/oatmeal/cereal? And exercise is a huge mood booster, so once you've put something into your body, make sure to take out your emotions on a treadmill.

    I hope things start to turn around soon! :flowerforyou:
  • lockedcj7
    lockedcj7 Posts: 257 Member
    When I went through a divorce many years ago, I ate almost nothing for three months and slept up to 20 hours a day. You will survive and your life will be better in the long run. You will find someone else and probably someone better if you take your time and do it right. I did. I didn't want to go through that and I imagined myself having a family and growing old with my ex. When things fell apart, I was devastated. I eventually got back on my feet and met my second wife. She is much more mature, understanding, compassionate, caring, loving, lovable, talented and pretty than my first wife ever hoped to be. My life is much more rich now than it ever could have been.

    That is not to say that I was able to move on easily or quickly. I eventually started seeing a counselor. He was supposed to be a marriage counselor but my wife never attended the sessions. Eventually I gave up trying to make it work and focused on healing myself. This is what you must do.

    As corny as it is, Garth Brooks has a great song about how things turn out called Unanswered Prayers. The other song that helped me get over things once I got stronger and got some self-respect back was Time for me to fly by REO Speedwagon. I still love that song because it is so empowering. I also love power ballads. :glasses:
  • ginnyg
    ginnyg Posts: 23 Member
    he there all of you

    thank you so much for the messages of support - i know its going to be hard I guess its still all a bit raw at the moment - he was the love of my life and my best friend - we were dieting together and he was the person I turned to when I needed motivation. 6 years seems to be such a long time to throw away but I know life goes on..... I just need to see a light at the end of the tunnel!
  • melathon
    melathon Posts: 246 Member
    The other song that helped me get over things once I got stronger and got some self-respect back was Time for me to fly by REO Speedwagon. I still love that song because it is so empowering. I also love power ballads. :glasses:

    I just thought that needed repeating. :happy: (I'm with ya.)

    I'm so sorry about your breakup. I know it's some of the worst pain you can ever feel. Just know that we're all thinking of you and sending positive thoughts and it WILL get better. It may take a very long time, and yes, counseling is a wonderful thing (I did it during my divorce), but it WILL get better. :flowerforyou:
  • Cowboy
    Cowboy Posts: 369 Member
    When my first wife left me (for my best friend, how cliche' is that?) I was totally devastated. I can really sympathize with you. All I can tell you is that I have now been married to THE most wonderful, beautiful, sweet and caring woman on earth. She is so much more than my first wife could ever have been...
    That will be you in time too.
    My "healing songs"
    "I'm still standing" by Elton John.
    Hang in there, we're all here for you.
    Cowboy
  • ginnyg
    ginnyg Posts: 23 Member
    Hey there all thank you for all the support, i know i'm not the first to experience this (and definitely not the last)

    but its good to know that I have somewhere to, as we Brits say "vent my spleen"

    I have little or no friends and very poor self confidence now, something I had in buckets when I started the relationship. I have just been laying in my bed crying, wallowing in self pity but my two dogs have at least given me something to focus on - they are constantly by my side, although sharing a bed with 2 black labradors is interesting! I am listening to music constantly (but keeping away from "our songs") power ballads are my era and I love them

    X G X
  • catlover
    catlover Posts: 389
    I'm finding that the only way to get something done when I don't want to do it is to JUST DO IT ANYWAY. I was really sick feeling last night and today I seemed to drag all morning. I went ahead and had my cup of coffee and breakfast and 3 hours later I ate some yogurt and an apple. Three hours later, I felt so energetic that I even exercised.

    I lived with a guy for 17 years, no typo, then we got married, 11 months later, divorce court. Three years later, remarried and now we're going on 5 years. For the first 10 months of the divorce I got no sleep and ate almost no food. It took medication to control the depression, so don't be a martyr in that way. Seek help if you need it and we'll be here to support your efforts.

    The story I can't wait to hear is the one where you've lost the 80 pounds and you see him on the street.:wink:
  • Gats
    Gats Posts: 42
    When my first wife left me (for my best friend,)

    Hey Cowboy , I know that feels ......... and I really miss him !!


    Ginnyg, be true to yourself, use it to keep your focus,

    I was back on my Mum's couch after 25 yrs away !!!

    Be strong

    :flowerforyou:
  • ginnyg
    ginnyg Posts: 23 Member
    My whole perspective now is " don't get angry - get gorgeous" :mad:

    I think I had hoped that he would see the error in his ways but after a conversation last night (things took a nosedive) I realized that he wasn't the man I thought him to be.

    I went back to work yesterday (after 3 days off completely devastated) I last approximately 1 hour until my Boss (and a good friend) told me that I shouldn't be there, so I came home. but it was an energizing experience - I am on compassionate leave for the rest of the week

    Once the news had spread, as gossip normally does, I had such an overwhelming wave of support being offered - I really started to know that I was cared about by my colleagues (some have even offered accommodation/ shoulder to cry on if it all gets too much at my mom's) many wanted to know what they could do to help - lots of tears but it boosted my confidence.

    I am away on a business trip next week (nowhere exotic) and people are concerned that I will be on my own - I have in the past (10 years ago) suffered a breakdown and know the signs/ spiraling depression feeling - I WILL NOT go back there or give my ex the satisfaction of knowing he has crushed me completely. The hotel i'm staying at has a Gym, Spa and pool and by God am I going to hit it every day - and get some treatments in too

    Hell who knows this is probably the best thing that has happened to me

    Gx
  • banks1850
    banks1850 Posts: 3,475 Member
    Ginnyg,

    What a great attitude you have! I really think you will be ok after the initial pain goes away. Just remember, the best "revenge" (for want of a better word) is to become a knockout and then you can look back at this years from now and smile and think of the good times. You will find another person, and it's important to remember, the people we are with may compliment our personalities, but they don't encompas them! Once you are over the initial devistation, use this as a motivational tool to try all those things that you either didn't have time for before, or that you (as a couple) didn't want to do, but you (as a person) might have wanted to.

    The one thing to remember is, it gets easier from here out. Don't use it as an excuse to stop, use it as a tool to make an even stronger commitment to your goals!

    we are here for you!
  • ali106
    ali106 Posts: 3,754 Member
    :flowerforyou: thinking of you hon and really think you are going to do just awesome!!!!!!!!!

    super advice and support here from everyone, family and friends, those two adorable dogs of yours! and omg a gym and spa at the hotel...you certainly better go...that's almost like a sign....fresh new wonderful start! I'm in your corner girl! you can get through this and then some!

    hugs!
    Ali
  • yenn
    yenn Posts: 48 Member
    OH GINNYG, lean on those labs !! Dogs love you no matter what, and dogs (especially labs !) are the most willing workout partners you will ever have. They're always available, and they never have excuses of why they can't make it outside for a walk/run/jog. They also have that joie de vivre that is hard for humans to capture once we're older than about 7. I am SO SORRY your heart is broken on Valentine's day especially, but remember ... looking great is the best revenge (as is living well and all that jazz)

    But here is the most important thing. This was not six WASTED years. It's all part of a journey to the true love of your life. My last three year relationship put me in a position and location that led me to the true love of MY life. I have no regrets !! What's done is done. You have learned lots and can apply it, as long as you look at it as knowledge and experience, rather than damage. GOOD LUCK to you and remember, when you find a man who reminds you of your dogs in his devotion and love for YOU, you've got a keeper !!!!
  • kprakash
    kprakash Posts: 8
    Wow - I can relate to everything you are saying. I have a chocolate lab who was my best source of positive energy during my dirorce.

    There is a good book called Broken Open which focuses on how such a devestating experience can actually be an opportunity for something wonderful to happen after you have healed.

    I know that exercising and eating right will make you feel better too. You will feel healthy and good on the inside which will help.

    Last night, I actually went out for dinner with my current boyfriend and I ran into friends of my ex husbands. I felt awesome after losing weight (18 pounds) and was dressed sexy and could not help but smirk when their eyes nearly popped out of their head when they saw me. I also had some cleavage happening :) It is petty, I know, but let's be honest - I wish I could be a fly on the wall when they go to work today and tell my ex husband that they saw me.

    Take care!
  • ginnyg
    ginnyg Posts: 23 Member
    Thank you to all,

    my boys (the two gorgeous animals that are in my picture - obviously when they were pups) have been my constant companions through my low points and are currently at my feet under the desk. I really turned a corner the other day and have started to believe that 'if he can't see what he's left behind, thats his problem - not mine"

    I want someone who will love and cherish me for who I am not what they can turn me into - so in truly british style i say Sod him - he's got too many issues that need sorting out and I believe that he will never find anyone who will live up to his very demanding expectations - it was for the most part a good 6 years and I have two lovely dogs to show for it and some very fond memories - time to move on (with maybe a few more tears along the way)

    Gina xxxxx
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