Marriage and Wedding Jokes for Valentine

My wife and I always compromise; I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.


My wife told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got two girlfriends.


A husband said to his wife,
"No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done.


A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."


A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here."

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.


Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car
is new or the wife.


Bachelors should pay more taxes, they enjoy a better quality of life.

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now. ....I think you bring me bad luck!"

Have a good day!!!:drinker: