Unsupportive Family

ballison2012
ballison2012 Posts: 10 Member
in Motivation and Support
So I've lost 40 pounds since January, and I worked really hard to get to this point. (SW: 265, CW: 225) My grandparents live a few states away and I came to visit for the week. They have always been concerned about my weight, and I was hoping to surprise them with my progress.

Firat day I was there they kept offering me doughnuts and wine and cheese, and I declined. They got upset and made a plate anyway and put it next to me. The next morning my grandfather handed me a south beach diet book that he'd bookmarked and annotated for me, and when I told him I'd lost 40 by CICO he said "but wouldn't losing 10 pounds and 2 weeks be swell?".

Then my grandma pulled me aside and said "Oh youre loosing weight? You still need to lose some. You have a beautiful face but your body needs work."

I get that I'm not skinny, I'm far from it. But I was hoping for my grandparents to at the very least awknowledge that I lost a pretty signifigant amount of weight. Anyone else with unsupportive family?

Replies

  • steveko89
    steveko89 Posts: 2,223 Member
    I agree with @concordancia, they're trying to be supportive, just not in the way you expected them to be. I'll also argue encouraging you to continue losing weight is better than the alternative, even if it wasn't necessarily tactful or helpful. There are many threads with people complaining of family members saying they should stop losing weight, they've gotten too thin when they still have weight to lose, or actively criticizing and undermining their efforts altogether, simply because they don't understand what it is to be a healthy weight.

    Congrats on losing 40lbs since January, that's no small feat. It is a shame your grandparents didn't have the reaction you were hoping for. Ultimately, this won't be the last time someone has an opinion of if and/or how you should lose weight. You've clearly found a system that is working for you, don't let others' opinions or comments discourage you, stick to it and reap the rewards.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    Tbey probably just do not understand losing weight in a healthy way. The south beach diet wouldn't have allowed you to eat those doughnuts, wine and non-lowfat cheese they were pushing the day before anyway so clearly they have not read the book very well or followed the plan themselves.
    My elderly father gave me his copy of the south beach diet book that never really seemed to work for my parents long term. I figured out the calories for a day of phase 1 and got less than 1078 calories with 4 oz portions of chicken or salmon. Sure you will lose quick that way! The food isn't terrible but I'd rather just eat normally and count calories. If you decide to try it maybe start with phase 2.

    Look for support elsewhere... like here... and stop talking about it with them. Just tell them you are happy with your progress and are doing well. Change the subject.

    My experience in the past with family and friends is that if you talk about your weight loss efforts it invites their opinion and advice which can be frustrating, embarrasing and wrong.
  • try2again
    try2again Posts: 3,562 Member
    I have friends that, after I had lost a substantial amount of weight and was clearly succeeding on my own, chimed in about how I should try ACV and other silly things. I'm pretty sure they just wanted to feel included & like they were helping somehow. Maybe not coincidentally, these particular friends were also older.
  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,323 Member
    edited May 2018
    here. families sometimes feel they have the right to say whatever and not think or be sensitive. its crazy. so sorry. and btw CONGRATULATIONS.
  • mbaker566
    mbaker566 Posts: 11,233 Member
    try2again wrote: »
    I have friends that, after I had lost a substantial amount of weight and was clearly succeeding on my own, chimed in about how I should try ACV and other silly things. I'm pretty sure they just wanted to feel included & like they were helping somehow. Maybe not coincidentally, these particular friends were also older.

    ugh acv people :angry:

    some people are awkward. it sounds like they are trying
  • try2again
    try2again Posts: 3,562 Member
    mbaker566 wrote: »
    try2again wrote: »
    I have friends that, after I had lost a substantial amount of weight and was clearly succeeding on my own, chimed in about how I should try ACV and other silly things. I'm pretty sure they just wanted to feel included & like they were helping somehow. Maybe not coincidentally, these particular friends were also older.

    ugh acv people :angry:

    some people are awkward. it sounds like they are trying

    I don't even think they knew anything about it... just repeating what they'd heard.
  • Iamnotasenior
    Iamnotasenior Posts: 235 Member
    It sounds like you have two very loving and interested grand parents. They see you doing something great and want to be involved, albeit in their own, eccentric way. Pass on the doughnuts, cheese and wine and let them know although you are very grateful for the offer, do they have some fresh veggies or a diet soda instead? Show them how you eat and what you eat and I'll bet the next time you visit, they will have something just for you. They mean well, they love you and want the best for you.

    Enjoy them while you still have them. Hug them a lot, ask them to tell you all of their family stories and jokes and maybe bring a big salad with you next time you come to visit. Oh, and congrats to you on your weight loss success and wishes for continued success in the future!

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