10 months, 135 pound loss. (5'9" female)

Hey guys, I never in my life imagined I would be able to post a "success" story on MFP, and it feels weird. It feels almost like I'm not posting in the right place.

I have yo-yoed in weight for the last ten years of my life, only ever getting down to 250 at my lowest before this time. My highest weight was 350 pounds and I started this particular leg of my journey at 311. I. was. miserable. Everything hurt. My back went out on me for three entire days last summer and I laid on my floor as my husband and 3 year old son brought me things. We went to the beach and took a boat ride, swam in the ocean and I almost got stuck in the water. I could not pull myself back on the boat for the life of me. It took TWO men to help me back up and I was winded! I constantly thought of where I would fit, whether or not I would break something and who all would be able to see/stare at me. At 311 pounds, I would literally dream about being the weight I am currently. I imagined all of the things that I would be able to do- I imagined running at the gym with my husband and doing outdoor activities with my kid. I also imagined that I would feel a certain way and see myself in a certain way and would just get giddy about it. I had a number on the scale in mind and a size of clothing in mind and was determined to get there.

I'm happy to report that all of the dreams about my physical activity and body goals have come true. I am in the best physical shape of my entire life and cannot be more thankful! I've also hit my original goal weight (I've currently adjusted it) and my goal size. I do not, however, feel how I thought I would feel. I struggle with my body image and have a very hard time "seeing" my success. I do not "feel" the way that I imagined that I would. I literally feel like the same person, and I did not imagine that. I have a lot of loose skin and I tend to hyper focus on those areas instead of being happy with the physical progress that my body has made. Often times I look at a selfie or a picture that somebody took and do not recognize the person in the photo and think "Oh, it was just the angle". I wear clothing that I cannot imagine that my body fits into and then think "Oh, this must be vanity sized". This is something that I'm working on. I am, however, getting stronger every single day and loving the life that I'm living! I'm focusing on celebrating fitness milestones and trying to become more comfortable with the body that I'm currently in.

All of this was to say- I am ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY thankful for where I am today. I am blessed beyond belief that I can do everything that I hoped and prayed that I would be able to do. But, I also wanted to share with those who are on this same journey that your brain might not follow exactly the path you think it will.

Guys, there are tough days. There are days that truly suck. Your motivation will waver. There will be happy tears and sad tears. This journey is emotional. But you've got to keep going-- do whatever it takes. Future you will FREAKING THANK YOU for the amazing life that you have given yourself.

SW- 311 CW- 176 (new)GW- 165