Loose Skin & Dating
coffeebean08
Posts: 4 Member
I have lost about 200 lbs in total my highest weight being 206 and I yoyo-ed a few times to 140 180 120 200 now 132 where I have settled for about 2 years. The last guy I dated knew me when I was heavier and seemed attracted to me (he was heavier also) and we started dating after I lost weight. Anyways...he kind of broke my confidence (which is already low) and called me a whale while I was naked and told me he liked my face not my body. I ended it after that but his words stuck with me. It's always a fear of mine getting naked because of my skin and cellulite etc. I'm pretty much the definition of skinny fat. I feel like I don't want to disappoint guys cause they have this image in their head when they see you but when your naked they get something else. I wish there was a dating site for people who were previously overweight so I wouldn't shock people or have yo explain the "situation". How did you guys tell your partners about your weight loss and loose skin during dating?
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Replies
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Well you can always fill out some of that skin with muscle, especially if you say you already have that “skinny fat” runners body. Beyond that, it just sounds like that guy may have just been a jerk. Any time I’ve been with someone, I’ve never been disappointed when she took her clothes off because, hey, that’s awesome and I’m just happy to be there.
ETA: I suggested weight lifting if you are unhappy with your appearance. If somebody else is unhappy with your appearance, that’s their problem. Your opinion of how you look is the one that matters.21 -
Congrats on the weight loss! I know it's hard but PLEASE don't let someone else's problem/words affect you so negatively. Tons of guys would be more than happy to see you naked and be in the bedroom with you. Sounds like you came across a real do*che bag in this instance. And I'm sorry!
I think this is probably something that would come up naturally, like if you were a pill addict before or were a widow or something. In the course of dating you would eventually tell someone these things and talk through it before you became sexually active. They would know this is an insecure place for you and hopefully you could trust them enough not to hurt you where you've been hurt before. This is called mature relationships.
Everyone has something in their lives that they want to share with others but are afraid to do so for fear of being hurt again. In order to date and find that love of your life you'll have to be vulnerable, and probably get hurt another time or two but when you find the right person they won't use your insecurities to hurt you. They'll let you know how amazing you are and never put you in a bad light.
You got this!8 -
YOU are AWESOME! You did SO MUCH!! Don't let some troll come in and wreck what you've done. I agree with the posts above, especially about changing your body. Do it for you. Do everything for you, but know that you're awesome. Some mouth-breathing troll who's probably jealous that you lost the weight and changed your life is not the definition of you.
YOU are the definition of you. You define your life. You define how you live it and the choices you make. You have the power and you are awesome.
Non-trolls will love you for you and give you confidence when you're with them, even if they are lifelong partners or friends or cool people you meet along the way. Everyone else that acts like a troll, toss them suckers right back and move on. Life is too short to worry about the trolls lurking under the bridge. Wield your AWESOME like a sword, because you've earned it.
Seriously. Awesome.
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I have loose skin from three pregnancies. I at first thought I had to prepare men but *kitten* that . Don’t you for one second dwell on what that chump said . You are beautiful6
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Not all guys are so shallow. Many, but not all. Be picky.
We all have our public masks. Doesn’t last long in a real relationship.
Now that I think about your incident, was that more revealing as to you, or more revealing as to him?7 -
I lost a 130lbs and It's better than not losing 130lbs19
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coffeebean08 wrote: »Anyways...he kind of broke my confidence (which is already low) and called me a whale while I was naked and told me he liked my face not my body.
How can a human being say that to another person? Jesus.I wish there was a dating site for people who were previously overweight so I wouldn't shock people or have yo explain the "situation".
Indeed. Having to have "the talk" with someone new every time you can see third date territory coming is completely ridiculous.3 -
Something very similar happened to me. I've lost over 100lbs twice in my life now. The first time I lost the weight and gained the courage to show off my body a little bit, a look of horror washed over my then boyfriends face and he cheated on and left me a few days later. This was when I was 17. I'm 30 years old now, and havent been able to bring myself to even wear a t-shirt or tank top. My current boyfriend accidently walked into the bathroom when i was changing, and after i yelled at him I broke down in tears as soon as he left the room and couldn't stop wondering how much he saw. It haunted me for weeks. I struggle every day with the mental and physical aspect of losing weight. sometimes I think to myself "atleast if I were almost 300lbs, people would know what to expect...instead of being a healthy weight and having to deal with shocked reactions" I'm known as the 'hoodie in the summer girl'. Its a constant struggle.13
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Poor girl. I'm so sorry. I know first hand how hard this is and, if nothing else, please hear me when I tell you that there are fantastic people out there who will truly love all of you.
I've lost over 100 lbs, but I also have a genetic condition called Ehlers Danlos which, among other things, means super easy to stretch skin but less elasticity to snap back. I'm at 140 now, but look like I was previously 450 rather than 250.
It's incredibly frustrating to do all that work and not be happy with how we look.
I'm walking the path to self acceptance with you right now, and it's a crazy hard path with lots of obstacles - but I think we can get there! One thing that helps me is repeating to myself things like "Look at the wonderful things my body can do!" Hiking trips, scuba diving, even stairs in a building are so much easier! Our bodies can take us on adventures now and make every day life better!
Changing my perspective from aesthetics to utility helps me a bunch. Maybe it'll help you?
(It also keeps me exercising.)
With regard to dating, that ish is very hard. It does feel like false advertising in clothes, but that conversation is awful and doesn't fully prepare people.
I know it sounds cliche, but the right one will love you for you - all of you.
I'm getting married in October, and I know this man would love me at any weight, bald, whatever. They do exist! And you deserve nothing less.6 -
If your weight is stable and your doctor confirms that your skin won't contract anymore then you could consider plastic surgery if it's really important to you. My wife has a scar that goes "all the way around" her waist. It worked pretty well and the color has faded so that it is hardly visible and it is under the bikini line. It's an option. Having "the talk" is another option that is less risky and expensive. Personally, I'd recommend alot of weight training before trying anything else. Either way, it's a better problem to have than obesity.1
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