"You look too skinny"

smh_cliff
smh_cliff Posts: 146 Member
edited November 26 in Health and Weight Loss
... or perhaps you just dont like having me as the fat friend that made you look good!

I have had a couple of people tell me I should stop now but I am still 10lb away from a healthy BMI - I know that isn't everything but I am DEFINITELY not thin! It bothered me that they couldn't be supportive. Is this a common thing as people are so used to seeing me bigger, or are my friends just dicks?

Replies

  • toxikon
    toxikon Posts: 2,383 Member
    smh_cliff wrote: »
    Is this a common thing as people are so used to seeing me bigger, or are my friends just dicks?

    It could be one or the other, or a combination of both. They might just be used to you at a bigger size, so seeing you smaller is weird to them. It could be a bit of jealousy too.

    Either way, brush it off and keep doing what you're doing!
  • smh_cliff
    smh_cliff Posts: 146 Member
    Thought so, I just like a second opinion before I call someone out for being one lol
  • estherdragonbat
    estherdragonbat Posts: 5,283 Member
    My dad told me my face looks gaunt now. Thing is, there's not much I can do about that; the rest of me still could stand to lose a few and just like you can't spot-reduce, you can't spot-gain. (Like you, I'm about 10lbs away from a healthy weight).
  • kimny72
    kimny72 Posts: 16,011 Member
    When we are used to seeing people one certain way for a long time, any change can seem severe, so they could genuinely (but unnecessarily) be worried.

    Some people say stuff like that as a compliment, usually a jealous compliment. Which I mean, hey, nobody's perfect and we all get jealous of people who accomplish something we haven't managed to sometimes.

    Or they could be jerks.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    I've rarely encountered this thankfully, because it's just plain rude but the few times I've been told that I just respond with, "Too skinny for what? Or too skinny compared to what?" and just wait for their response. A bunch of bumbling nonsensical words later the point is made without me having to say another word. Turn it back on them.
  • fitoverfortymom
    fitoverfortymom Posts: 3,452 Member
    Grimmerick wrote: »
    smh_cliff wrote: »
    Thought so, I just like a second opinion before I call someone out for being one lol

    Well if they are overweight, you can always redirect their concern. "Hey I am glad you feel comfortable talking to me about my weight and health, I've been wanting to bring this up for a while now but I didn't want to come off as rude, but I am concerned about your being overweight and wanted to let you know I am here to encourage and help like you are doing for me." Only works if their overweight though.

    I seriously love this.
  • fitoverfortymom
    fitoverfortymom Posts: 3,452 Member
    I'm at the tippy top of a healthy BMI and my MIL tells me I shouldn't lose any more. She could stand to lose a few lbs and asked me to help her with MFP. She had originally set her goal weight to 125 because she thought that's what I weighed. I'm like, 155!
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    fitoverfortymom wrote: »
    Grimmerick wrote: »
    smh_cliff wrote: »
    Thought so, I just like a second opinion before I call someone out for being one lol

    Well if they are overweight, you can always redirect their concern. "Hey I am glad you feel comfortable talking to me about my weight and health, I've been wanting to bring this up for a while now but I didn't want to come off as rude, but I am concerned about your being overweight and wanted to let you know I am here to encourage and help like you are doing for me." Only works if their overweight though.

    I seriously love this.

    The real key to this is sincerity, mean it when you say it. ;)
  • fitoverfortymom
    fitoverfortymom Posts: 3,452 Member
    Grimmerick wrote: »
    fitoverfortymom wrote: »
    Grimmerick wrote: »
    smh_cliff wrote: »
    Thought so, I just like a second opinion before I call someone out for being one lol

    Well if they are overweight, you can always redirect their concern. "Hey I am glad you feel comfortable talking to me about my weight and health, I've been wanting to bring this up for a while now but I didn't want to come off as rude, but I am concerned about your being overweight and wanted to let you know I am here to encourage and help like you are doing for me." Only works if their overweight though.

    I seriously love this.

    The real key to this is sincerity, mean it when you say it. ;)

    Absolutely! The sweetest conviction possible.
  • HoneyBadger302
    HoneyBadger302 Posts: 2,084 Member
    I find it's usually overweight friends who make these kinds of comments.

    Typically, I avoid talking about my diet, exercise or anything along those lines unless it's someone who I know also prefers to live a fairly active/fit/trim lifestyle. Otherwise, they get judge-y, usually from a place of guilt and/or jealousy.

    I'd just retort with "my doctor is very happy with my progress and I'm working with him/her on my health" and leave it at that (even if you haven't talked to your doctor it tends to shut people up).
  • JJordon
    JJordon Posts: 857 Member
    "You look too skinny"

    -said by people who perhaps need to watch their own weight and not sit on the couch and eat Cheetos... all the while binging on Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, etc, and not realizing there is an exciting world outside your four walls, all you have to do is go outside and brave it!
  • Fitnessmom82
    Fitnessmom82 Posts: 376 Member
    edited May 2018
    smh_cliff wrote: »
    ... or perhaps you just dont like having me as the fat friend that made you look good!

    I have had a couple of people tell me I should stop now but I am still 10lb away from a healthy BMI - I know that isn't everything but I am DEFINITELY not thin! It bothered me that they couldn't be supportive. Is this a common thing as people are so used to seeing me bigger, or are my friends just dicks?

    I get it a lot. It's very odd to me! I don't say anything if it's not supportive or I wait until I'm directly asked a question. No one ever bothered to say "you're getting to fat" all those years that I was gaining...why do they feel the need to chime in now? I also get a lot of backhanded compliments. It's worth noting that most of the negativity comes from my friends and family that are unhappy with themselves or their situation. Not that that is any excuse!
  • fuzzy_l0gic
    fuzzy_l0gic Posts: 69 Member
    I was able to stop a lot of those comments when I updated my wardrobe because of the weight loss. The same XXL shirt that I wore at 240 made me look sick at 160.
  • Jthanmyfitnesspal
    Jthanmyfitnesspal Posts: 3,522 Member
    People just hate change-- particularly in other people. They will get used to it. Hey, there's a response: "I'm sure you will get used to it!"
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    My father once said I look anorexic at 5'9" and 155lbs.
  • VUA21
    VUA21 Posts: 2,072 Member
    I lost a lot of "friends" when I lost my initial weight. It happens. When you're no longer the "fat" friend, jealousy happens. You also find out who your true friends really are.
  • FlyingMolly
    FlyingMolly Posts: 490 Member
    Years ago, when I weighed around 160, a nutritionist colleague of mine told me very sincerely that she didn’t think anything less than 135 would “look right” on my frame.

    I weigh 129 now, with plenty of muscle mass on me, and I could still lose about 10-15 more and be fine. People get used to the way you are, and especially when they like you, they associate the way you are with what they like about you. When your appearance starts to change, they need some extra time to catch up.

    Or maybe they’re just jerks. ;)
  • jseams1234
    jseams1234 Posts: 1,219 Member
    smh_cliff wrote: »
    ... or perhaps you just dont like having me as the fat friend that made you look good!

    I have had a couple of people tell me I should stop now but I am still 10lb away from a healthy BMI - I know that isn't everything but I am DEFINITELY not thin! It bothered me that they couldn't be supportive. Is this a common thing as people are so used to seeing me bigger, or are my friends just dicks?

    Have you changed your clothing to fit your reduced size?

    I got told I'm too skinny at the end of my cut. I was still close to 200# and about 13% - 15% body fat. It bothered me, of course... but I realized that in clothes I *did* look kinda scrawny because I never do bother to buy clothes that fit me at this weight because I bulk up waaaaay past it. My clothes fit me at my heaviest and make me look like I'm wearing someone elses too big hand-me-downs. Now, for some reason I have several workout shirts in various sizes that fit me like a glove and I'll wear them to the gym, but I never considered doing that for my regular outfits.
  • Mandylou19912014
    Mandylou19912014 Posts: 208 Member
    It’s easy to see things in a negative light, your friends could just care about you and not want to see you end up being “too skinny” or want to help you to accept what you have rather than keep on wanting to change? I don’t know your friends but would like to think they have your best interests at heart x
  • SFJULES66
    SFJULES66 Posts: 168 Member
    Jealous! That's what a doctor told me when I said some friends were telling me I was too thin. Unfortunately, having a gaunt face often happens when women lose weight. Was it Madonna that said you have to choose between your a** and your face? It's true when you get to be of a certain age. BTW, I no longer have this problem!
  • Orphia
    Orphia Posts: 7,097 Member
    If they didn't tell you that you were too fat beforehand, they have no right to comment now.
  • Lillymoo01
    Lillymoo01 Posts: 2,865 Member
    I have had a handful of family and friends say this and I have noticed two things in common

    1. They are all genuinely concerned. Their heart is in the right place.
    2. They are all obese themselves so are probably trying to justify their own weight/health and have lost perspective of what healthy even looks like, especially when in a society where being overweight is the norm.
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