A new day, dont we all want that?

Let me give you, reader, a bit of insight on the struggles of who i really am and if you can find yourself in this or maybe completely dont, please leave a comment to break the cycle of people taking their problems and enduring them all in silence. I'm opening up a small book here, sorry if it may come out as drama, but its not my intention. I just want to get out there how hard the last 2 years have been and how i've managed to get this far right now. I'm struggling and slowly gaining back confidence and control over all espects of my life.

Today i realised my struggle against my burnout has never been a matter of momentum and breaking a cycle at a certain moment that i felt ready for it. Its always been regaining control over myself, my body and my habbits. It took me 2 years to find an opportune moment to "start" living healthy again, get back at the workouts and be who i vision myself to be. I take a huge pride in how people see me and how people look up to me, so the pressure that i've always felt is amplified by the fact that i show, maybe, who i really am or can be.

Instead of waiting for the opportune moment, i'm forcing myself to gain control by planning everything in organized moments and follow it through in my darkest hours. And to be honest, i have a lot of those. I've fully fell back into my eating disorder which i had before i got fit, emotionally unfit to even lift a finger and more tense than a bowstring on a loaded crossbow.

Many people may think that i just "did" to much, but what really happened is that in the past years i've made a financial mess out of my life. I'm an entrepreneur and i make quite a lot of money, but i just cant really cope/deal with the income and managed to get a mediocre debt while earning enough money to not have to go through that. Over the course of the last 2 years i had to really get to know my weak spots again and learn never to let that happen again.

I've managed to climb out of that mess for the largest part and am now nearing the end of a tough period, which gives me reasons to believe i have a better chance to regain control of myself. Because losing control is not only a matter of what you eat, but also what you do. I lost control in my expenses and that was as much as a struggle to get fixed than any other problem.

Today is day 2, its a struggle against myself and emotionally i feel like an endless road is ahead and thats a bit of a mental barrier, considering where i come from (check my profile picture, i achieved that after losing 30kg over a period of 2 years). At this moment i've regained all of that 30kg once again. Its sad to say but even sadder to endure.

But i'm fully confident now that i've got a good solid grip on my financial situation, gaining back control and with that, getting back on the right path, will change my mind months along the way, feeling better and im certain that the fun which i always had in training and living healthy will come back to me. Not just for me, but also for my GF and our 3 kids.

If i learned one thing is that a burnout can NOT be underestimated. Its a symtom of some deeper lying problems which you have to solve to ever really overcome your burnout. The same is probably valid for a depression.

What do we want? Get rid of the burnout symtoms!
When do we want it? 2 years ago!

Normally i like to be the bearer of better news, but this is the real me. Falling back into old habbits and struggling to get my brain to be convinced im better than this.

The good thing is, i'm back on it and i'll have to wrestle my way through the first months to get back into the right flow. But i'm motivated, looking forward to get fit again and to be an example to my family and my surroundings once more.

Thanks for reading!