Lost 40 lbs, look the same, feeling hopeless and discouraged

PickleDog38
PickleDog38 Posts: 22 Member
in Motivation and Support
I’m definitely not a weak person, in fact I really pride myself on being strong and staying confident, but weight loss can be really discouraging sometimes. I had different expectations on how I would look when I lost a significant amount of weight, and it’s been really discouraging, so I’ve been feeling really hopeless lately. I started at 213 lbs, and I’m a 5’6” female teenager. I’ve successfully lost 38 lbs, but I can see absolutely no difference in myself. Everyone tells me I look great and they can tell I lost weight, but I think it’s just because all of my fat gets tucked into my pants. I try to convince myself that I look better. I know people say that you may not see a change in yourself because you see yourself everyday, but I really think I would’ve noticed a difference by now. I really thought that I’d feel better about myself, and even though I’m not done with my weight loss, I feel like I’ll never see a change. I don’t know if I’m not exercising enough or doing the right exercises, or if I’m just losing water weight (can you even lose 40 lbs of water weight??) I’m not sure if I have loose skin, I’m just not sure of anything. I think I look worse than I did at 213 lbs. I have new stretch marks, too. I only have another 21 lbs to lose (according to my height, I should be 154 lbs), and I feel like there is no way my body will change by losing 21 lbs if I’ve already lost almost 40 and there has been no change. I’m really not even sure what weight I’m supposed to be anymore. I just need some advice. Any replies are greatly appreciated.

Replies

  • estherdragonbat
    estherdragonbat Posts: 5,283 Member
    How do your clothes fit you right now? Have you tried measuring your neck, waist, and hips?

    I had the opposite problem. I didn't see myself as huge when I looked in the mirror; it took photos to 'prove' to me that I was obese. Do you have any before and after pics that you can compare?

    My guess is that you have lost a significant amount of weight, but it's come off slowly and you still have a ways to go and you're focused more on the existing fat than the fat you've shed. (But without pics, I'm obviously guessing.)
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  • Candyspun
    Candyspun Posts: 370 Member
    OP, try to find something you like about yourself and the process. That always helps. You've made a fantastic achievement so far. Could you think about how you feel in non-aesthetic ways? For example, is it easier for you to climb a flight of stairs? Also, it helps to think about where you'd be now if you hadn't made these changes. Chances are, you'd be continuing to put more weight on. You'd be much heavier by now. Even if you're not happy with how you look, do it for your health, it is completely worth it.

    One thing a lot of people find when they lose weight is, they still have a not great body image. The thing is, when we lose weight, our body changes, but we take our mind, our personality with us. So, if we hate our bodies before we start, and are critical, for many people that can continue when we lose weight. So, it's important to learn to stop criticising ourselves. Body surveillance is not healthy for us. None of us have the perfect body, so work on liking yourself and accepting the parts that aren't perfect.
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  • granite_peapod
    granite_peapod Posts: 9 Member
    edited June 2018
    I've lost approx 70lbs and although I've been buying smaller clothes throughout and feeling great, it's only in the past month that I can really 'see' the difference in myself when I look in the mirror. It was some holiday photos that brought it home. I was truly surprised how happy and 'normal' I looked! So stick at it. You are doing great and you will see a difference even if it sneaks up and suprises you! ;)
  • granite_peapod
    granite_peapod Posts: 9 Member
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  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    There's no way that you don't look different....it's just your own personal perception and likely a bit of dysmorphia going on here. This is also another reason why pictures along the way are important...

  • Cassandraw3
    Cassandraw3 Posts: 1,214 Member
    I also suggest taking measurements. It is more objective. Your eyes can deceive you. Since the weight has slowly come off, you don't really recognize it. I've struggled with that as well. Your eyes/brain want to picture you at a certain size whether you gain or lose. Before and after pictures help show the changes, too. How your clothes fit is another great indicator. If this is all stressing you out, you could take a break and eat at maintenance for a bit while still working out. And no, you did not lose 40 lbs of water weight. You've done great getting where you are. Sometime it just takes a bit for your body image in your head to catch up.
  • ledzeppelinfan5459
    ledzeppelinfan5459 Posts: 7 Member
    Do you lift weights?
  • Ardael
    Ardael Posts: 244 Member
    I'm 5'1 and I've lost 53 pounds since the beginning of my journey 5 years ago, 28 of them in the last 7 months since I joined MFP.
    In those last months I have lost 4inches of waistline and went from a UK size 14 to a loose 8, soon to be a 6.

    I look in the mirror and I'm still as fat as ever. I know I'm not, i know my clothes are better, I know, I know, I know. But I can't see it.

    Now I'm getting better, it takes time. Weight is not just a physical issue in most cases. I was an emotional eater and before I could accept my body I had to heal my head. There are days I still see myself as a fat shorty and days where I make duck faces at the mirror saying "Hello Gorgeous ! ". As I go along the good days are slowly taking over but it still isn't most of the time.

    I took those horrible progress pictures and I kept them and I go to them when I feel hopeless and then I can see the difference.

    Do not loose hope. Give your head the time it needs to heal and accept and finally see. In the meantime, concentrate on this fantastic new healthier you :)
  • Xerogs
    Xerogs Posts: 328 Member
    edited June 2018
    This may sound strange but I kind of understand what you are going through but in an art perspective kind of way. I am my own worst critic when it comes to my own paintings, I notice every flaw and failed attempt to make something close to what I see in my minds-eye, contrary to what other people see. One thing I've discovered about myself is when I look at my own work I need to almost mentally remove myself from myself if that make sense. I try to look at it objectively like it's not my own work and how it compares to what I have done in the past. It's a weird perception trick but it has helped me become less of harsh critic towards myself and my artwork.

    I dropped 42 lbs (I still have 20-25lbs more to go) I've noticed I need to look at myself in the mirror in much the same way as I do my artwork (remove myself from myself and look at overall progression objectively) Losing 40lbs is quite an accomplishment and there will be changes, don't dismiss them to focus on the things that are still a work in progress. We are all ultimately works in progress to some extent and that is just part of being human. Be patient and kind to yourself, there is some great advice in other posts in this thread.
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  • ugottafriend
    ugottafriend Posts: 97 Member
    This is psychological and common. That's why multiple before and after photos and measurements are so important to the process. We rarely see ourselves as we really are. Congrats on the loss!
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  • gettingmarried817
    gettingmarried817 Posts: 27 Member
    I couldn't see any difference for myself for a long time, long after it was something people commented on. Id's look in the mirror and still see that heavy me looking back... I finally got an old picture of myself and split screened it with a new one. I'm the photi, I could see it. It was like that for weeks afterwards still. I still saw the old me in the mirror, so I kept the split screen on my phone to remind me that the mind is a funny thing and get me through my discouraging moments.
  • feisty_bucket
    feisty_bucket Posts: 1,047 Member
    Hi. OP, go here, use this to approximate your bodyfat %. It'll take less than five minutes and will greatly simplify all this evaluation stuff:

    http://fitness.bizcalcs.com/Calculator.asp?Calc=Body-Fat-Navy

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