Help? Or advice?

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EuroDriver
EuroDriver Posts: 254
in Chit-Chat
uuugh my wife is really nice to everyone around her.. Shes giggly, flirty, n nice... To me she is aaallll the time *****y, snappy and nagging at me.. She gives me 0 respect for anything. N all i do is work and help her with w/e she asks... I dont know how much longer i can take her attitude.. Its to the point that my heart dropps when she walks in the house cuz i know shes gonna ***** at me about something and anything. Like ill work a 12-13hour shift come home n she wants me to wash her dishes etc... I cant handle the workload anymore... Its really too much for me.. I just want to step aside and take a break from this....... Uhh ;(

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  • LuneBleu85
    LuneBleu85 Posts: 217
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    So sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. I've been there and its tough. :( maybe something else is bothering her? Can you talk to her about it? Or will that just result in more grumpy behaviour on her part? I get a bit snappy with my guy when I'm stressed, maybe she doesn't know she's doing it. Best of luck to you! :)
  • editara13
    editara13 Posts: 384 Member
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    I'm sorry to hear that too my friend, but nothing can be better than a serious talk and put everything on the table. Having an adult conversation with your partner is always a good way to solve problems. If she doesn't want too then my friends there is nothing left there in your relationship :-) I hope you have a good talk and solve everything :-)

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  • Bramtits20
    Bramtits20 Posts: 19
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    well from personal experience, i was once that girl.. i treat my ex like pure poo.. spoke to him like it in front of mine and his friends.. didnt respect him.. generally walked all over him.. then one day he came home from work and left me.. out the blue he was just gone.. i was broken.. the person i throught i controlled was walking away from.. you need to make her realise that your not going to take all the rubbish that shes given you or you will walk and she will loose you.. the saying you neber know what youve got till its gone it totally true.. him doing that to me made me such a better person and i relised how bad i was to him.. and was so sorry.. but you really shouldnt let it get that bad.. its not your fault at all thou.. she needs to respect and treat you how she would like to be treated.. maybe you should try and scare her buy saying your going to leave.. then maybe she will realise what shes going to loose if she doesnt do something about the way she treats you.. know one deserves to be treazted like that.. no one at all..!! hope ive helped..

    and hope everything works out for you in the end..!!

    xx
  • sallycheese
    sallycheese Posts: 33
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    you need to talk,it sounds like she is depressed or stressed about something. has she always been like this or is it a recent thing,could she be feeling threatened by you taking control of your life and health?
    it must be hard to live with but there is usually a cause you can work through and if there isn't then maybe it's time to call it a day but you won't know unless you talk first and foremost,i wish you luck
  • asunshinec
    asunshinec Posts: 74
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    I've been that girl, too. I hate to admit it, but it's the truth. Honestly, the attitude usually stemmed from stress overload. If things were bad at work, I couldn't snap at the people around me there - I need my job. But the minute I walked in the door, I was griping at him about something - housework, cooking dinner, money.. you name it. It makes me sad to look back and see that I've done that in the past. =( One day I realized that when I walked in the door, he was less than thrilled to see me. And then I realized why... it was because as soon as I got home, I unleashed my aggression on him. My advice - talk to her about it. I'm amazed at how much better things are between us when we're both open and honest about issues we're having. It's never easy to start the conversation, but it's always worth it in the end.
  • EuroDriver
    EuroDriver Posts: 254
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    When i talk to her she just gets mad n gives me reasons why its my fault shes *****y... N everytime its diff reason
  • JNick77
    JNick77 Posts: 3,783 Member
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    Not sure what to say; I think that's just marriage. I can totally relate, let me know if you figure out the answer. :)
  • Riebop
    Riebop Posts: 275
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    I've been that girl... My poor husband has put up with alot of my *kitten*. It was mostly during the time when I had a very stressful job. It's a miracle he didn't divorce me. I was always miserable. It doesn't happen as much now that I have new job. However, I apologize after the fact when I realize that I'm the one being irrational. I still nag him sometimes to help me out more, but when he does help me, I thank him profusely. How long have you lived together? I was worse when we first started living together. Have you talked about what one expects from the other? I found that worked well for us. He knows what his household responsibilities are and I generally don't have to ask (or nag) him to do that stuff anymore. I also know what my household responsibilities are and he doesn't have to bug me to do that stuff. We bicker and fight alot less now.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    I was once that girl too. Jeez, there's alot of former biotches on this thread! :noway:

    In my case, I was unhappy with myself, my situation, my life. And in return I made my husband miserable as well. Which rationally, it doesn't make sense because he's the person I loved most but it was easier to be miserable when I was miserable then to be happy when I was really miserable, if that makes sense.

    We had alot of marital issues because of my stupid attitude that cost us both too much. Sadly, I realized this on my own because my husband would continually tell me about my attitude but I thought I was right.

    Have ya'll tried counseling? Sometimes it needs to come from someone else.
  • sweetNsassy2584
    sweetNsassy2584 Posts: 515 Member
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    I'm sorry you're having to go through this. Its tough I know. Let me tell you how I was.. I was with this guy for about 5 years. We had many ups and downs, he cheated on me, lied, and couldn't hold a job ect... After being together for 5 years, all these things just got me and I couldn't take it anymore. I was mean, really mean. I would yell, nag, *****, complain ect.. Until I decided I was done. I left and I was in no way nice about it what so ever. Till this day I regret what I did and how I left because he truly was a good person and I loved him dearly. I tell you this because its seems to me there is some underlining issue here because you do not treat someone you care about like that. The only thing that you can do at this point is have a conversation. A serious one. If she starts *****ing right off the bat ask her nicely if you can speak and for her to just listen. If she's not willing then that's a pretty big indicator that she doesn't care. Best of luck to you..
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    I think that's just marriage.

    Please do not think that's what marriage is. There are bad days in even the best of marriages, but women who truly love and respect their husbands do not behave like that.
  • fromwva
    fromwva Posts: 5 Member
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    my husband is the same way ..nags and bi*** all the time..says he sorry then righ back at it..he does not respect me at all..alot of what you are going thru..working on the wt I gained in 3 years..i hear how every skinny woman looks so good and i get nothing.
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
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    Please do not think that's what marriage is. There are bad days in even the best of marriages, but women who truly love and respect their husbands do not behave like that.

    I like the cut of your jib young lady. Once again clear thinking on your part.

    Not all marriages are like this. I am sad to say that it's the sign of a bad marriage or relationship more than anything else. Can the marriage be salavged? Certainly. Can a person survive mentally and emotionally having to deal with such behaviour over a long period without it being rectified? I highly doubt it.

    Beyond attraction, sex, money, status, wealth, beyond all that...fluff...there are the important things. Respect, loyalty, kindness, understanding, empathy, love. It's pretty obvious when these are in place. How do you know? By how someone treats you, their actions, not their words.
  • pkgirrl
    pkgirrl Posts: 587
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    @fromwva, girl I sympathize! I'm not married but my boyfriend and I were together for 4 years, and despite some recent gain I'm still WAY smaller than when we first started dating, and a lot more toned. He pretty much did nothing but make me feel like **** about myself, for anything you could think of, and after awhile it really starts to get to you. If you ever see your own self worth going down the drain, you neeeeeeeed to get him out of your life. Maybe not permanently, but until you feel happy being you again, and he changes his behavior. NO man is worth not loving yourself over, EVER.

    @Eurodriver, how long has this been going on for? Can you think of any changes or new stress loads in her life that correspond with the *****y attitude? It's not your fault, even if you did do something she didn't appreciate, nobody that loves and respects someone should ever treat them that way. It sounds like none of the *****ing is in anyway constructive, so you need to call her out on it. Be nice, and try to stay calm, but you really need to tell her how you're feeling. Try to find out where it's coming from. Maybe it's just little things that are annoying her that she hasn't been able to address effectively, and as a result they've become much bigger problems in her mind. No two people can live together and never do anything that annoys the other, but they need to be able to talk to them or get over them, or the relationship will fall apart. You're clearly not at fault here, but try to be empathetic. I highly doubt she even means to treat you this way, but if you don't take a stand it's not going to stop. And there's no good outcome to prolonging this agony.

    I'm not sure what the weather is like where you are, but it's rainy out here, Perrrfect day for cozying up on the couch for a heart to heart. We're here for you! =)
  • _beachgirl_
    _beachgirl_ Posts: 3,865 Member
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    Not sure what to say; I think that's just marriage. I can totally relate, let me know if you figure out the answer. :)

    Thats not what marriage, its just wrong.
  • JNick77
    JNick77 Posts: 3,783 Member
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    Not sure what to say; I think that's just marriage. I can totally relate, let me know if you figure out the answer. :)

    Thats not what marriage, its just wrong.

    I think inevitably at some point we all just learn to settle. I can't think of anybody I know within my age group even early to mid-40's that are truly happy.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    My parents are in their early to mid 50s, and, after 34 years of marriage, they are still very happy and have always had a very active sex life (yes, kids know). The one thing that separates them from most of my friends' parents, who either ended up divorced or stayed married and now hate each other, is the level of respect that exists between them. My parents would never in a million years treat each other the way the OP described his wife treating him. There just is nothing more important to them than their marriage. They made a commitment to each other (when they were young and stupid ... mom was 17, dad was 22), and they have never strayed from it, physically or emotionally. THAT is marriage.

    These couples who keep love alive for a few years and then merely exist in the same house and treat each other like garbage ... don't look to them for an example of what marriage is. You don't HAVE to settle. You CHOOSE to settle because it's easier than putting in the time and the effort to create and nurture and maintain a real, happy, lasting marriage.
  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
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    Not sure what to say; I think that's just marriage. I can totally relate, let me know if you figure out the answer. :)

    Thats not what marriage, its just wrong.

    I think inevitably at some point we all just learn to settle. I can't think of anybody I know within my age group even early to mid-40's that are truly happy.

    Are you serious? I think the problem here is we look to others to make us happy. Its not someone else's job to make you happy. I am 36 years old and i have never been more happy in my entire life. Wanna know why? Cause I have a wonderful life! My marriage isnt perfect but its mine. We work really hard TOGETHER.

    I used to be this person. I actually realized what i was doing when i saw my mom doing it to my step-father. I heard myself through her words and they were hateful and ugly. I was ashamed and definitely thought how would i appreciate it if my husband talked to me that way? It wouldnt go over very well.

    I just recently read the book Love & Respect also. I think you just need to tell her everytime she does that you are not her verbal punching bag. Call her out on it EVERYTIME. Dont let her treat you that way. I dont care if you have to talk to her about it until you are blue in the face. Remind her that no one wants to be around someone that acts like that and that she is behaving like a child. Cause thats how children act. Would you put up with that behavior from a child? No. So dont let her do it either. Now with that said you cant change how she acts. You can either accept it or try to work through it. I dont think divorce is the answer but maybe you need counseling for sure.

    if that doesnt work tell her to quit being such a *****! and see what happens.
  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
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    My parents are in their early to mid 50s, and, after 34 years of marriage, they are still very happy and have always had a very active sex life (yes, kids know). The one thing that separates them from most of my friends' parents, who either ended up divorced or stayed married and now hate each other, is the level of respect that exists between them. My parents would never in a million years treat each other the way the OP described his wife treating him. There just is nothing more important to them than their marriage. They made a commitment to each other (when they were young and stupid ... mom was 17, dad was 22), and they have never strayed from it, physically or emotionally. THAT is marriage.

    These couples who keep love alive for a few years and then merely exist in the same house and treat each other like garbage ... don't look to them for an example of what marriage is. You don't HAVE to settle. You CHOOSE to settle because it's easier than putting in the time and the effort to create and nurture and maintain a real, happy, lasting marriage.

    yes! this!!!!:drinker:

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