My "why" just isn't great enough.... and it's bumming me out.
CiciLaverne
Posts: 13 Member
After having my son last June, I lost a good 35lbs... and I was my lowest and happiest. I wanted to gain muscle and tone up so that I wasn't to my standard of "too skinny" and one thing led to another and I gained all that weight back. Now at my heaviest, Again! I cannot find the motivation, the discipline nor the want to make it happen. I've done freshly meals, set mini goals, tried small things daily to make better choices and create habits, and then at the end of the day I want Chicken nuggets, Mongolian grill, Tacos or a pint of icecream...
How do I get my WHY back?
How do I get my WHY back?
4
Replies
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Can I ask what your ‘why’ was the first time?2
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Sometimes your head’s just not in the right place to focus on eating too. I was there just recently in a crappy job, that kept me at work all hours. Trying to navigate work politics and keep my team motivated took all the will power I had, cutting out pizza and wine was not an option! New job, new approach to me. I’m at the gym and watching my portions and food choices.
I hope you don’t need a new job... but maybe you do need to look at what else is going on and whether other changes in your life would help you to make the changes you want to see. For me, a more holistic approach to taking good cRe of me was what I really needed.5 -
Not what you asked but maybe try this- line down the middle of the page, why you want to lose weight in first column, reasons why you don’t in the second. That’s right, reasons why you don’t.
Give it some thought. Some folks want to reject the idea that there may reasons not to lose weight. But you’ve got them, otherwise you would do it.
When you have both lists, see what compromises or deals you can make with yourself that might give something to both sides. Resist the temptation to just try to run your resistance into the dirt. It won’t work.
And you don’t need reasons of great magnitude on either side. Put down anything that comes to mind. This might get you unstuck.
All that said, you really don’t have to lose weight if you don’t want to.11 -
Still thinking about this one. It might not be that your “why” isn’t enough. It might be that your “why nots” are undermining you. And the why nots can be tricky. Little things can mess us up.2
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I would think something like this - how much of this and that do I need to be happy, and how much can I have and still have a healthy weight?2
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CiciLaverne wrote: »After having my son last June, I lost a good 35lbs... and I was my lowest and happiest. I wanted to gain muscle and tone up so that I wasn't to my standard of "too skinny" and one thing led to another and I gained all that weight back. Now at my heaviest, Again! I cannot find the motivation, the discipline nor the want to make it happen. I've done freshly meals, set mini goals, tried small things daily to make better choices and create habits, and then at the end of the day I want Chicken nuggets, Mongolian grill, Tacos or a pint of icecream...
How do I get my WHY back?
stand in front of the mirror in your underwear....
start with a fitness goal instead?3 -
Maybe not the whole pint of ice cream? You have to live this way for the rest of your life, you need to find a way of eating which lets you be happy. You can eat all the things you mentioned, just not all at the same time!
Can I help with the why? I was fat. Then I got diabetes because of being fat. Now I have diabetes, and according to a recent study even if I change my lifestyle and do everything perfectly I have about a 1 in 4 chance of dying of heart disease or other complications within a dozen years. If I blow off a good lifestyle, it's 40%! Now look at your son and think about him losing his mom as a teenager. Is that motivational enough for you? You only get one life, try to make it last! Obesity doesn't just make you look bad in a bikini, it shortens your life. And also it can make you less able to do the things you enjoy, whether because you are unfit or because you feel self conscious about your appearance. You deserve to lead a better life than that.3 -
TavistockToad wrote: »CiciLaverne wrote: »After having my son last June, I lost a good 35lbs... and I was my lowest and happiest. I wanted to gain muscle and tone up so that I wasn't to my standard of "too skinny" and one thing led to another and I gained all that weight back. Now at my heaviest, Again! I cannot find the motivation, the discipline nor the want to make it happen. I've done freshly meals, set mini goals, tried small things daily to make better choices and create habits, and then at the end of the day I want Chicken nuggets, Mongolian grill, Tacos or a pint of icecream...
How do I get my WHY back?
stand in front of the mirror in your underwear....
+1. This always does it for me.0 -
I put on a lot of weight after having my second child and didn't address it soon enough. I waited, watching on the sidelines as my children had fun in the pool, at theme parks and on holiday. They played with their Dad because I felt too awkward/uncomfortable to join in. The youngest child was nearly an adult before I finally got my act together and I REALLY regret those years I wasted. It took me years to learn two lessons:
i) You only have young children for a very short time - being overweight limits the fun! It also models unhealthy lifestyles.
ii) I should have joined in regardless; my kids wanted me to play and didn't give a stuff if I looked a bit chunky in my swimming costume. Being more active would have helped me on my journey sooner.
40 lbs lighter I am getting towards a healthy BMI now but in my 60's I'll never have quite the figure or fun I would have had in my 40's (I shall give it a good try mind you)
You may not be at the awkward/uncomfortable stage where doing fun things with your family is hard but there is a chance you will be if you don't find your why soon.
Good Luck
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I know how you feel - I have started examining my sabotaging behaviors this morning - good luck 
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I dread doing the dishes and laundry. But they have to be done otherwise our quality of life suffers. Maybe not immediately, but eventually we will run out of dishes and clothes so we trudge through the chores even when we don't give a crap.
Fitness and weight loss are just like household chores. It has to be done. If you're not feeling all jazzed up about it, maybe forcing yourself to get into the habit of exercising a little and there and tracking your calorie intake is the way to go.
You could do like I did and say "screw it!!!" for a while and be uncomfortable and unhappy until you feel like you have no other choice. But I don't recommend it. It sucks.
Being healthy isn't something we wait around for. It's a series of habits that a lot of us have to force ourselves to do. Fake enjoying the process until you fall in love with it. I promise you WILL fall in love with it eventually.
I am saying this to you and to me at the same time because I need the reminder on a regular basis.7 -
It doesn't sound to me like you want to make a change.
That is all you.2 -
For the longest time I had lost my "why" too, for me getting it back was really looking at myself and realizing that I am worth it, that I deserve this. I had to learn to love and accept myself at my highest weight in order to be able to lose the weight.
It took a lot of work on my mental well being before I could get there, maybe there are some cobwebs in your brain that you need to clear before you can find your "why" again.0 -
The first couple of years of motherhood can really do a number on your mind, your hormones and your sense of who you are. Be kind to yourself. Find you again. Focus on that. Focus on not gaining and give yourself a break. You can get back to losing in a bit.3
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There's nothing more demoralizing than losing weight and gaining it back. I did that several times before I got it right. My heart goes out to you but don't give up. The fact that you did it before proves you can do it and you will get it right don't worry. Take your time this time and try to change your lifestyle slowly. We tend to want it all at once and as fast as possible which makes it really hard to maintain. It took me 2 years to get to where I am and in that length of time I learned alot. I also became accustomed to eating differently so that I wasn't waiting to finish my diet so I could go back to "normal" eating. What I learned is that I can't ever eat that way again and that's ok. I like the way I'm eating now. I still have a treat once in a while and I'm maintaining. Hang in there, take your time and build a program that works for you.1
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Sounds like your priorities are just different, which is fine.
Maybe start thinking about what you actually want in life and then...being ok with the direct results of that want.4 -
Sometimes we just aren't ready. I understand that. I was a competitive swimmer for many years and then decided to take a break. I stopped all exercising for several years and put on the weight. I realized it, but I wasn't ready yet. I didn't understand WHY I needed to make that change. I recently realized I couldn't go on like that anymore, I was run down, tired, and lazy. I wanted my energy and strength back. I missed that feeling after a good run when you feel like you can just breathe so easily and your muscles feel relaxed! It's a relaxation you get like nothing else. I wanted to change my life and be healthy for the rest of it. I wanted to get out and run and see things. All of the experiences and amazing people I've met just on my recent runs have been mind opening and have changed me for the better. You never know what you're missing until you take that first step out the door.1
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Are you working out? (I ask because you mentioned wanting to gain muscle.) Sometimes that feeling of being strong and physically challenging yourself, and taking that one time of the day that is all for you, can give that boost to motivate and stay on it and make better eating choices.0
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You have to figure out what you want more. Do you want to stay the same or to change?1
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WarriorWookie wrote: »Can I ask what your ‘why’ was the first time?
I wanted to look and feel good naked, honestly. I am a master of looking thinner than I am in clothing. Just wanna take it all off and feel beautiful. But even that seems impossible.0 -
WHY do you want your "why" back NOW? That's your answer. It might be different than what it was before. Personally, I find that "looks" is not enough for me. It is driven by health, fitness, and being able to have fun in life!0
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CiciLaverne wrote: »WarriorWookie wrote: »Can I ask what your ‘why’ was the first time?
I wanted to look and feel good naked, honestly. I am a master of looking thinner than I am in clothing. Just wanna take it all off and feel beautiful. But even that seems impossible.
WHY does it feel impossible? Because it won't happen overnight? You've lost weight before, so you know that. Just start slowly. Make a couple small changes and build off of that.
Have you figured out your calorie goal and are you weighing / measuring and logging your food intake?1 -
I went through this over the past year. I needed to up my depression meds, although I didn't FEEL depressed, just the unusual lack of motivation was signal enough to my doctor.
There were a few other factors, too, and they all had to be met before it clicked with me. Sleep - my kids were co-sleeping with me, I slept terribly. We finally got them in their own rooms and I started taking melatonin to help me sleep. BIG difference. But still not enough.
Until I had my husband making the whole lifestyle change with me, and our kids, I wasn't able to get enough traction with exercise and de-toxifying wheat and dairy to get my mood up. It's up! The minute you start to exercise your brain sucks it all up and starts creating neurotransmitters and dopamine.
The question for you is, what are the puzzle pieces that you need to fit together? "why" never worked for me either. I'd just eat ice cream and think what a terrible mother I was. But it's so much more than that. You're complex. Your solutions aren't simple. Keep going and NEVER QUIT.1 -
CiciLaverne wrote: »WarriorWookie wrote: »Can I ask what your ‘why’ was the first time?
I wanted to look and feel good naked, honestly. I am a master of looking thinner than I am in clothing. Just wanna take it all off and feel beautiful. But even that seems impossible.
WHY does it feel impossible? Because it won't happen overnight? You've lost weight before, so you know that. Just start slowly. Make a couple small changes and build off of that.
Have you figured out your calorie goal and are you weighing / measuring and logging your food intake?
Yes! Calorie goal, working out... I really want to be strong. Standard cardio doesn't do it for me but lifting, that is fun! So I have been going when I can (without my kids or while the daycare is open) I guess it really is the "RIGHT NOW" I just wanna look and feel good right now... and I know thats all mental.1 -
Hi, I am kind of sailing in the same boat, totally understand what you are going through...what I hate the most is the guilt one feels for being lazy and giving into cravings, hang in there, take one day at a time, that’s what I am doing0
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Maybe you have to do it different this time. It seems to me with a longer goal to be stronger first, slimmed down second, you can be closer to your ideal.
How about a six month progressive lifting routine? When you are satisfied with your strength, then consider a “cut”.
And this time, see if you can be happy at every stage. Life’s too short.1 -
Maybe you have to do it different this time. It seems to me with a longer goal to be stronger first, slimmed down second, you can be closer to your ideal.
How about a six month progressive lifting routine? When you are satisfied with your strength, then consider a “cut”.
And this time, see if you can be happy at every stage. Life’s too short.
I LOVE THIS!0
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