stupid binge urge
CarvedTones
Posts: 2,340 Member
So Monday I had an excuse to let myself have a big day; kids' (multiples) birthday and had cake. ice cream and other snacks. Kind of ridiculous amounts of some things, but I figured it's just one day and with some of my activity I can average it back out pretty quickly. I did walk 6 miles that night to help offset a little. Yesterday I was going to crack down but I let the sweet tooth and "bread tooth" get the better of me and I ended up several hundred over again. Today I was going to really tighten the screws, only it's someone's birthday at work and I had cheesecake and fruit with caramel sauce and I am pretty much at my maintenance level and it's only mid afternoon.
The good news is that my goal was 164 as my absolute maximum with a range of 155 - 160 as my maintenance range. Monday morning I was 157.6 after a few weigh ins all within a pound or so (and a couple were lower) over the previous week or so, so I am pretty sure that was about right. The overage from Monday and Tuesday is maybe enough for half a pound of true weight gain. I don't have actual overage yet today (I show overage because I had reduced my goal). This morning the scale said 160, but I know that isn't true gain yet. But it could be if I don't put a stop to this.
My actual maintenance with no exercise seems to be around 1700, my diary is wide open and I am recording my stupidity for posterity (I am not proud of how I am eating, but logging it accurately).
The other good news is that it's a SUP paddling afternoon. That's a serious calorie burning activity when done with intensity. I plan to get there about 90 minutes ahead of the group and paddle hard for over an hour before others show up. When others get there, we will paddle for a couple of hours but intensity can vary. Some nights I am paddling hard chasing people on longer boards all night and some nights there is slower paddling and some socializing. Last week we paddled hard a mile or so and then stopped and played water polo on SUPs. But there is almost always at least part of the group training that splits away and paddles hard the whole time. Anyway, if I concentrate on getting exercise, I can burn about 1000 calories tonight. And I am planning to paddle tomorrow night also.
The other bad news is we usually go out after paddling. That's not awful because i quit drinking a year ago and there is usually something that isn't a horrible choice to eat.
But I have to put the brakes on this. I really thought I had gotten past this, but when I went back for another half slice of cheesecake at lunch I realized it was a bad idea and did it anyway. This sucks; I hate feeling like I am not in total control of my own actions. At least I am pulling the alarm early; I can easily contain this without even going out of my range and stay well under my limit if I get my head straight.
The good news is that my goal was 164 as my absolute maximum with a range of 155 - 160 as my maintenance range. Monday morning I was 157.6 after a few weigh ins all within a pound or so (and a couple were lower) over the previous week or so, so I am pretty sure that was about right. The overage from Monday and Tuesday is maybe enough for half a pound of true weight gain. I don't have actual overage yet today (I show overage because I had reduced my goal). This morning the scale said 160, but I know that isn't true gain yet. But it could be if I don't put a stop to this.
My actual maintenance with no exercise seems to be around 1700, my diary is wide open and I am recording my stupidity for posterity (I am not proud of how I am eating, but logging it accurately).
The other good news is that it's a SUP paddling afternoon. That's a serious calorie burning activity when done with intensity. I plan to get there about 90 minutes ahead of the group and paddle hard for over an hour before others show up. When others get there, we will paddle for a couple of hours but intensity can vary. Some nights I am paddling hard chasing people on longer boards all night and some nights there is slower paddling and some socializing. Last week we paddled hard a mile or so and then stopped and played water polo on SUPs. But there is almost always at least part of the group training that splits away and paddles hard the whole time. Anyway, if I concentrate on getting exercise, I can burn about 1000 calories tonight. And I am planning to paddle tomorrow night also.
The other bad news is we usually go out after paddling. That's not awful because i quit drinking a year ago and there is usually something that isn't a horrible choice to eat.
But I have to put the brakes on this. I really thought I had gotten past this, but when I went back for another half slice of cheesecake at lunch I realized it was a bad idea and did it anyway. This sucks; I hate feeling like I am not in total control of my own actions. At least I am pulling the alarm early; I can easily contain this without even going out of my range and stay well under my limit if I get my head straight.
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Replies
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This sort of rational evaluation of your actions is valuable to observers, I observe.8
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It's already helping. I can't eat the mini Heath bar I got out of the candy dish and brought to my desk because I just told a bunch of people to go look at my diary. Logging everything is an absolute line in the sand that I will not cross. Everything I did to lose the weight and what I am now doing to maintain it hinges on it. I can rationalize what I eat and ignore input that says I am wrong, but I have to record it. I cannot beat this thing for good without an accurate accounting of what I eat, how much I exercise and what I weigh. I have tried and failed.13
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We all have periods where we revert a bit back to eating like *kitten* . The real key (for me at least) is not getting in a consistent habit of doing so on a daily basis.
Look at it this way - if you are eating 500 calories a day under maintenance, and you have a cheat day where you end up eating an extra 3500 calories, at worst case you slowed your progress by a week. Obviously thats not optimal, but it definitely wont stop your long term goals as long as you stick to your diet and goals long term and on a consistent basis.7 -
I have been there and done that a few times. Sometimes I just get tired of eating junk and I stop. The dead stop for me is when my weight gets close to the high of my range of where I want to stay. I have also found that after a while all the good food is not so good if I am eating it all the time and too much of it.4
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CarvedTones wrote: »So Monday I had an excuse to let myself have a big day; kids' (multiples) birthday and had cake. ice cream and other snacks. Kind of ridiculous amounts of some things, but I figured it's just one day and with some of my activity I can average it back out pretty quickly. I did walk 6 miles that night to help offset a little. Yesterday I was going to crack down but I let the sweet tooth and "bread tooth" get the better of me and I ended up several hundred over again. Today I was going to really tighten the screws, only it's someone's birthday at work and I had cheesecake and fruit with caramel sauce and I am pretty much at my maintenance level and it's only mid afternoon.
The good news is that my goal was 164 as my absolute maximum with a range of 155 - 160 as my maintenance range. Monday morning I was 157.6 after a few weigh ins all within a pound or so (and a couple were lower) over the previous week or so, so I am pretty sure that was about right. The overage from Monday and Tuesday is maybe enough for half a pound of true weight gain. I don't have actual overage yet today (I show overage because I had reduced my goal). This morning the scale said 160, but I know that isn't true gain yet. But it could be if I don't put a stop to this.
My actual maintenance with no exercise seems to be around 1700, my diary is wide open and I am recording my stupidity for posterity (I am not proud of how I am eating, but logging it accurately).
The other good news is that it's a SUP paddling afternoon. That's a serious calorie burning activity when done with intensity. I plan to get there about 90 minutes ahead of the group and paddle hard for over an hour before others show up. When others get there, we will paddle for a couple of hours but intensity can vary. Some nights I am paddling hard chasing people on longer boards all night and some nights there is slower paddling and some socializing. Last week we paddled hard a mile or so and then stopped and played water polo on SUPs. But there is almost always at least part of the group training that splits away and paddles hard the whole time. Anyway, if I concentrate on getting exercise, I can burn about 1000 calories tonight. And I am planning to paddle tomorrow night also.
The other bad news is we usually go out after paddling. That's not awful because i quit drinking a year ago and there is usually something that isn't a horrible choice to eat.
But I have to put the brakes on this. I really thought I had gotten past this, but when I went back for another half slice of cheesecake at lunch I realized it was a bad idea and did it anyway. This sucks; I hate feeling like I am not in total control of my own actions. At least I am pulling the alarm early; I can easily contain this without even going out of my range and stay well under my limit if I get my head straight.
I also feel the pull to the dark side. I ,so far ,have not gone on a binge. I work with mostly women. This is just a generalization, but they tend to have high calorie foods around constantly. I live in the south, so most of it is fried or made with copious amounts of fat or sugar. They show their affection to you by bringing it in. Staff meetings can be like an all you can eat buffet. It took almost a year for them to realise I was seriously not going to eat much of it. Hurt some feelings at first, now they leave me alone about it. It is nice not to hear, " your too thin, here have some pecan pie!" Lol4 -
It’s not uncommon for me to Binge once or twice a week, but then I make sure I keep a small deficit for the rest of my week and at the end it all levels, we just have to be responsible and not eat everything ALL the time...Live & learn
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It's a slippery slope. It's so easy to get off track and sometimes hard to get back on. I understand your struggle - been there/done that. Wishing you all the best
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I went on a 5 night cruise this month and gained 6 lbs. 5 lbs came off after a week at a 500 calorie a day deficit, then another week of a smaller deficit the extra lb came off (probably the real fat gain). I got all the free eating out of my system and was excited to get back to normal. Sometimes it’s good to enjoy yourself. Just make sure you are enjoying it. Treat it like a holiday and go back to normal now.7
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I don't know if it is right to say I got back on track to day or not. I paddled my little inflatable SUP 8.6 miles over the course of 3+ hours. It's relevant that it is little and inflatable because it isn't fast and doesn't glide well; over 100 calories to the mile is realistic. Strava awarded me over 1200 calories for that but I edited it back to 900. I have today set as 150 calorie deficit and have a few calories left after the exercise adjustment. So unless I have a bad logging error (a possibility with lunch), I ended the day with a deficit. I plan to paddle tomorrow as well, but probably not as much distance. I might cut my calories back to 1500 and report the exercise very conservatively. I am hoping to shed some of the "not true weight gain" before Friday morning so it will come down a little from the top of my range. But I am more worried about the pattern and mindset than today's weight.2
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binge is a lost battle. surrender is a lost war. carry on.13
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Thanks for your thread. I am glad I read it.
Last night after I closed my diary I ended up eating 3 pickled asparagus spears and a piece of chocolate. For the first time ever I ate it but did not log it. I felt a bit guilty not logging but not guilty enough to open up the diary.
Your post just got through to me about my accountability. I just logged those foods in yesterday's diary moments ago. Thanks!2 -
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@CarvedTones, your posts about maintenance are helpful to me in my efforts. I hit my goal weight of 205 lbs on May 10 of this year, and have managed to stay within a 3.2 lb range since then, with my low being 201.8, and daily calories around 2400 (mfp calculated my cals at 2650/day, but I'm not active enough in this heat to eat that much consistently without gaining). I'm 6'6", and 60 years young.
So far, I've not had a proper binge, and am trying to avoid it. I log everything, everyday.
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I am trying to beat the binge senseless with a paddle. Last night I paddled my SUP 8.6 miles. Tonight I did 7.7 miles. I edited the 1152 calories Strava wanted to award me down to 550. I have 199 left right now and might not use them. I have had ~1900; I am not starving myself.5
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More realistic weight this morning. Up about a half pound since Monday.4
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psychod787 wrote: »CarvedTones wrote: »So Monday I had an excuse to let myself have a big day; kids' (multiples) birthday and had cake. ice cream and other snacks. Kind of ridiculous amounts of some things, but I figured it's just one day and with some of my activity I can average it back out pretty quickly. I did walk 6 miles that night to help offset a little. Yesterday I was going to crack down but I let the sweet tooth and "bread tooth" get the better of me and I ended up several hundred over again. Today I was going to really tighten the screws, only it's someone's birthday at work and I had cheesecake and fruit with caramel sauce and I am pretty much at my maintenance level and it's only mid afternoon.
The good news is that my goal was 164 as my absolute maximum with a range of 155 - 160 as my maintenance range. Monday morning I was 157.6 after a few weigh ins all within a pound or so (and a couple were lower) over the previous week or so, so I am pretty sure that was about right. The overage from Monday and Tuesday is maybe enough for half a pound of true weight gain. I don't have actual overage yet today (I show overage because I had reduced my goal). This morning the scale said 160, but I know that isn't true gain yet. But it could be if I don't put a stop to this.
My actual maintenance with no exercise seems to be around 1700, my diary is wide open and I am recording my stupidity for posterity (I am not proud of how I am eating, but logging it accurately).
The other good news is that it's a SUP paddling afternoon. That's a serious calorie burning activity when done with intensity. I plan to get there about 90 minutes ahead of the group and paddle hard for over an hour before others show up. When others get there, we will paddle for a couple of hours but intensity can vary. Some nights I am paddling hard chasing people on longer boards all night and some nights there is slower paddling and some socializing. Last week we paddled hard a mile or so and then stopped and played water polo on SUPs. But there is almost always at least part of the group training that splits away and paddles hard the whole time. Anyway, if I concentrate on getting exercise, I can burn about 1000 calories tonight. And I am planning to paddle tomorrow night also.
The other bad news is we usually go out after paddling. That's not awful because i quit drinking a year ago and there is usually something that isn't a horrible choice to eat.
But I have to put the brakes on this. I really thought I had gotten past this, but when I went back for another half slice of cheesecake at lunch I realized it was a bad idea and did it anyway. This sucks; I hate feeling like I am not in total control of my own actions. At least I am pulling the alarm early; I can easily contain this without even going out of my range and stay well under my limit if I get my head straight.
I also feel the pull to the dark side. I ,so far ,have not gone on a binge. I work with mostly women. This is just a generalization, but they tend to have high calorie foods around constantly. I live in the south, so most of it is fried or made with copious amounts of fat or sugar. They show their affection to you by bringing it in. Staff meetings can be like an all you can eat buffet. It took almost a year for them to realise I was seriously not going to eat much of it. Hurt some feelings at first, now they leave me alone about it. It is nice not to hear, " your too thin, here have some pecan pie!" Lol
I have to smile because I live in the south, and grew up here. We do show our love with cooking for family or friends. My aunt, rarely goes to a church activity without a dessert for everyone or if your family has someone who is really sick, she always brings chicken and pastry or something comforting. It is how we were brought up. Not to mention all the family reunions (family is important!) church dinners and when someone passes. It is hard not to eat all the incredibly great food. These ladies really can cook! I usually sigh and act sad but I do try to escape some events where I know I’ll be tempted like ordinary events.
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CarvedTones wrote: »I am trying to beat the binge senseless with a paddle. Last night I paddled my SUP 8.6 miles. Tonight I did 7.7 miles. I edited the 1152 calories Strava wanted to award me down to 550. I have 199 left right now and might not use them. I have had ~1900; I am not starving myself.
I recognize that we each do our own thing and that, ultimately, what works for each one of us in order to wrangle our mental hamsters into doing what we want them to do is what is *correct* for us.
You are quite open about what you go through and have developed a unique way of wrangling your numbers that makes sense to you.
If others are evaluating your accounting method, the danger in what you're doing is that you are recording EDITED numbers that have been influenced by your perception and proximate exigencies.
This has the potential of making your collected data not consistent over time. Which reduces your ability to draw conclusions from your past data if you ever try to go back and review what was taking place.
I've also noticed that you talk about specific weights at which you know you need to take action. Are you using a trending weight app or web site to determine the numbers at which you will react, or are you relying on more volatile direct scale results?13 -
1700 calories is quite low. Why is it so important to be in a weight range are you competing in a weight class?
[
quote="CarvedTones;d-10677640"]So Monday I had an excuse to let myself have a big day; kids' (multiples) birthday and had cake. ice cream and other snacks. Kind of ridiculous amounts of some things, but I figured it's just one day and with some of my activity I can average it back out pretty quickly. I did walk 6 miles that night to help offset a little. Yesterday I was going to crack down but I let the sweet tooth and "bread tooth" get the better of me and I ended up several hundred over again. Today I was going to really tighten the screws, only it's someone's birthday at work and I had cheesecake and fruit with caramel sauce and I am pretty much at my maintenance level and it's only mid afternoon.
The good news is that my goal was 164 as my absolute maximum with a range of 155 - 160 as my maintenance range. Monday morning I was 157.6 after a few weigh ins all within a pound or so (and a couple were lower) over the previous week or so, so I am pretty sure that was about right. The overage from Monday and Tuesday is maybe enough for half a pound of true weight gain. I don't have actual overage yet today (I show overage because I had reduced my goal). This morning the scale said 160, but I know that isn't true gain yet. But it could be if I don't put a stop to this.
My actual maintenance with no exercise seems to be around 1700, my diary is wide open and I am recording my stupidity for posterity (I am not proud of how I am eating, but logging it accurately).
The other good news is that it's a SUP paddling afternoon. That's a serious calorie burning activity when done with intensity. I plan to get there about 90 minutes ahead of the group and paddle hard for over an hour before others show up. When others get there, we will paddle for a couple of hours but intensity can vary. Some nights I am paddling hard chasing people on longer boards all night and some nights there is slower paddling and some socializing. Last week we paddled hard a mile or so and then stopped and played water polo on SUPs. But there is almost always at least part of the group training that splits away and paddles hard the whole time. Anyway, if I concentrate on getting exercise, I can burn about 1000 calories tonight. And I am planning to paddle tomorrow night also.
The other bad news is we usually go out after paddling. That's not awful because i quit drinking a year ago and there is usually something that isn't a horrible choice to eat.
But I have to put the brakes on this. I really thought I had gotten past this, but when I went back for another half slice of cheesecake at lunch I realized it was a bad idea and did it anyway. This sucks; I hate feeling like I am not in total control of my own actions. At least I am pulling the alarm early; I can easily contain this without even going out of my range and stay well under my limit if I get my head straight.[/quote]
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I'm just beginning my diet again, so I had a binge day midway through my 8 days where I have just marked it off as a loss. My binge issue is ice cream, always ice cream- it's been that way with all my diets. Well, I binged on ice cream that day. I ate nearly half a gallon. It was absurd and I hate myself for it. I know how it feels to want to justify binging on something you love and then being like 'what have I done, I'm disgusting, I don't deserve this human form'. But your stuck here until the mother ship comes back so you have to make due and diet.
Cake and ice cream is the nectar of the gods, it's delicious. But my cal intake is 1200, so even a cup of ice cream or a little cake sets me off.
Best not even pick up snacks. Pretend they are poison and scream when you are near them and maybe your coworkers or friends will stop buying them. That way you can be successful with your diet.2 -
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CarvedTones wrote: »
That makes sense, best of luck with your goals.0 -
CarvedTones wrote: »I am trying to beat the binge senseless with a paddle. Last night I paddled my SUP 8.6 miles. Tonight I did 7.7 miles. I edited the 1152 calories Strava wanted to award me down to 550. I have 199 left right now and might not use them. I have had ~1900; I am not starving myself.
I recognize that we each do our own thing and that, ultimately, what works for each one of us in order to wrangle our mental hamsters into doing what we want them to do is what is *correct* for us.
You are quite open about what you go through and have developed a unique way of wrangling your numbers that makes sense to you.
If others are evaluating your accounting method, the danger in what you're doing is that you are recording EDITED numbers that have been influenced by your perception and proximate exigencies.
This has the potential of making your collected data not consistent over time. Which reduces your ability to draw conclusions from your past data if you ever try to go back and review what was taking place.
I've also noticed that you talk about specific weights at which you know you need to take action. Are you using a trending weight app or web site to determine the numbers at which you will react, or are you relying on more volatile direct scale results?
Volatility in weights is unusual for me. When I was maintaining at 160, I went 3 weeks without having a weight that wasn't within .6 pounds of 160. But this week I had some major feedbag days and some substantial exercise sessions to offset them. Anyway, that's my excuse for not using a trending app.
Yeah, I cooked the books a little yesterday and made what might have been a 600 calorie deficit look like 200 by setting my goal back by 150 and only taking 550 for paddling almost 8 miles on a slow SUP that almost certainly takes 100+ calories per mile. I set my calories to 1600 today (100 low) and I am taking a rest day. I plan to trend lower slowly for a couple of weeks.3 -
CarvedTones wrote: »CarvedTones wrote: »I am trying to beat the binge senseless with a paddle. Last night I paddled my SUP 8.6 miles. Tonight I did 7.7 miles. I edited the 1152 calories Strava wanted to award me down to 550. I have 199 left right now and might not use them. I have had ~1900; I am not starving myself.
I recognize that we each do our own thing and that, ultimately, what works for each one of us in order to wrangle our mental hamsters into doing what we want them to do is what is *correct* for us.
You are quite open about what you go through and have developed a unique way of wrangling your numbers that makes sense to you.
If others are evaluating your accounting method, the danger in what you're doing is that you are recording EDITED numbers that have been influenced by your perception and proximate exigencies.
This has the potential of making your collected data not consistent over time. Which reduces your ability to draw conclusions from your past data if you ever try to go back and review what was taking place.
I've also noticed that you talk about specific weights at which you know you need to take action. Are you using a trending weight app or web site to determine the numbers at which you will react, or are you relying on more volatile direct scale results?
Volatility in weights is unusual for me. When I was maintaining at 160, I went 3 weeks without having a weight that wasn't within .6 pounds of 160. But this week I had some major feedbag days and some substantial exercise sessions to offset them. Anyway, that's my excuse for not using a trending app.
Yeah, I cooked the books a little yesterday and made what might have been a 600 calorie deficit look like 200 by setting my goal back by 150 and only taking 550 for paddling almost 8 miles on a slow SUP that almost certainly takes 100+ calories per mile. I set my calories to 1600 today (100 low) and I am taking a rest day. I plan to trend lower slowly for a couple of weeks.
I could be wrong, of course, but I suspect that when you stop pushing/erring towards being in a deficit and come closer to the max maintenance calories you can eat without pushing into long term continuing gains... your weight variability will increase. If nothing else food in digestive system and sodium will do that!5 -
CarvedTones wrote: »CarvedTones wrote: »I am trying to beat the binge senseless with a paddle. Last night I paddled my SUP 8.6 miles. Tonight I did 7.7 miles. I edited the 1152 calories Strava wanted to award me down to 550. I have 199 left right now and might not use them. I have had ~1900; I am not starving myself.
I recognize that we each do our own thing and that, ultimately, what works for each one of us in order to wrangle our mental hamsters into doing what we want them to do is what is *correct* for us.
You are quite open about what you go through and have developed a unique way of wrangling your numbers that makes sense to you.
If others are evaluating your accounting method, the danger in what you're doing is that you are recording EDITED numbers that have been influenced by your perception and proximate exigencies.
This has the potential of making your collected data not consistent over time. Which reduces your ability to draw conclusions from your past data if you ever try to go back and review what was taking place.
I've also noticed that you talk about specific weights at which you know you need to take action. Are you using a trending weight app or web site to determine the numbers at which you will react, or are you relying on more volatile direct scale results?
Volatility in weights is unusual for me. When I was maintaining at 160, I went 3 weeks without having a weight that wasn't within .6 pounds of 160. But this week I had some major feedbag days and some substantial exercise sessions to offset them. Anyway, that's my excuse for not using a trending app.
Yeah, I cooked the books a little yesterday and made what might have been a 600 calorie deficit look like 200 by setting my goal back by 150 and only taking 550 for paddling almost 8 miles on a slow SUP that almost certainly takes 100+ calories per mile. I set my calories to 1600 today (100 low) and I am taking a rest day. I plan to trend lower slowly for a couple of weeks.
I could be wrong, of course, but I suspect that when you stop pushing/erring towards being in a deficit and come closer to the max maintenance calories you can eat without pushing into long term continuing gains... your weight variability will increase. If nothing else food in digestive system and sodium will do that!
Maybe, but I had that 3 week stretch of very stable weight. I know that isn't really that long and I was walking/paddling and doing some voodoo with the exercise numbers, but still it was surprising that I had no spikes.
I still haven't beat the paranoia yet. This thread is an example; I was worried that I was on the road to ruin and never got out of the range I set comfortably below my real limit. It was only a spike that got me to the top of it. In two or three weeks I will probably hit the bottom and think about going lower. I probably am going to be 5'7" instead of 5'8" at my next physical (already thinking about justifications).0
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