How do you deal with your picky eaters at home?
travelertechie
Posts: 22 Member
Some of you might be single or have supportive family members when it comes to healthy eating. Some of us though are not so lucky.
My husband and I are from 2 different countries and cultures, and that means we eat VERY different things, to the point that some of our favorite meals we can't live without, and some of each other's meals we can't even stand tasting. Add to that my 2 picky children (special needs mind you), and my not up to par cooking skills, and everyone's diet in this household is a disaster.
I'll give you an example so you can understand what I'm talking about:
My husband likes his food spicy and curried, but I can't stand spicy food, I prefer it bland. And my husband won't eat in home every time I cook fish or seafood, which makes a lot of my favorite meals a rarity in this house. My 6 year old daughter will eat all veggies, fish and legumes but won't touch meat (chicken etc). My 7 year old son will eat meat, pasta, rice and bread, but won't touch veggies or legumes.
I've tried talking it over with my husband about changing the meals entirely to make them healthier or have a meal plan in the sense that I don't have to waste all my energy trying to decide what to cook that would please everyone at home, to no avail. Now don't go out saying he's a bad husband or whatever, because he's really not. He just doesn't like it when I try a different recipe or make small changes such as getting whole wheat spaghetti instead of the usual one.
Another problem I have is time management. Despite being a stay-at-home mom, I can't afford to cook meals that take forever or need too much effort, due to my chronic pain, and my cute monsters sucking all the energy and time out of me. That also means I will not spoil everyone by cooking 4 different main meals in a day (one for each household member), just because of our lack of agreement on food.
I'm not proud of it, but this mama could use some help here. Thanks in advance for any advice.
My husband and I are from 2 different countries and cultures, and that means we eat VERY different things, to the point that some of our favorite meals we can't live without, and some of each other's meals we can't even stand tasting. Add to that my 2 picky children (special needs mind you), and my not up to par cooking skills, and everyone's diet in this household is a disaster.
I'll give you an example so you can understand what I'm talking about:
My husband likes his food spicy and curried, but I can't stand spicy food, I prefer it bland. And my husband won't eat in home every time I cook fish or seafood, which makes a lot of my favorite meals a rarity in this house. My 6 year old daughter will eat all veggies, fish and legumes but won't touch meat (chicken etc). My 7 year old son will eat meat, pasta, rice and bread, but won't touch veggies or legumes.
I've tried talking it over with my husband about changing the meals entirely to make them healthier or have a meal plan in the sense that I don't have to waste all my energy trying to decide what to cook that would please everyone at home, to no avail. Now don't go out saying he's a bad husband or whatever, because he's really not. He just doesn't like it when I try a different recipe or make small changes such as getting whole wheat spaghetti instead of the usual one.
Another problem I have is time management. Despite being a stay-at-home mom, I can't afford to cook meals that take forever or need too much effort, due to my chronic pain, and my cute monsters sucking all the energy and time out of me. That also means I will not spoil everyone by cooking 4 different main meals in a day (one for each household member), just because of our lack of agreement on food.
I'm not proud of it, but this mama could use some help here. Thanks in advance for any advice.
9
Replies
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There is no reason to apologize for needing help. I’m ot the one to help you because I’m the picky eater in my family though. Although I’ve found my husband getting pickier as he gets older. I make two meals way too often.0
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Make a list of things that you can cook that you & your husband will both eat - plan to make those the most.
If he prefers spices, let him add his own AFTER you cook it.
If you want fish/seafood, try frozen stuff you can cook quickly for yourself or grill outside if the smell offends him.
Make a list of things he would be WILLING to try at least 1 time - remind him that trying new things is good & he might like it!
I don't have kids, but I have a friend who sneaks veggies into foods her kids like. Blend spinach into smoothies or even mashed potatoes, pasta sauces. Same with sweet potato puree. I've seen veggie rice & veggie tater tots, that might fool the kids!
You can be tough with your kids & say they have to eat what you give them or nothing. Or if it's not worth the battle, at least make them try 1 bite then if they won't eat it, offer them another choice that doesn't involve you cooking a whole separate dinner.
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Usually give up and let my 9 year old son have a hot dog or make his own pizza.
I've been offering him different foods for 9 years. He's autistic and he eats what he wants to eat. *shrug*1 -
If you do not want to cook different meals for everyone then you will either have to eat stuff you don't like, make them eat stuff they don't like or have a very limited menu you rotate. I would stop worrying about trying new things or whole wheat pasta if they won't eat it. Stick to basic foods.
You could cook a bunch in advance and freeze individual portions of foods so you can just pull out what each person wants and warm it up.
If pasta and rice are okay with everyone have more meals with those.
Don't make mixed dishes so people can pick out what they want from the meal.
Everyone does not have to like everything every night. If child 1 only likes side dishes that night they will survive. Alternate having dishes people like.
If your family does not like what you make introduce them to making a sandwich, getting some yogurt or eating a bowl of cereal without a fuss.
Your husband could cook for himself or add spices to his own portion.11 -
I’d tell him to cook his own food if he doesn’t like what I’ve served.5
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You could cook a bunch in advance and freeze individual portions of foods so you can just pull out what each person wants and warm it up.
this was going to be my suggestion. If today you cook curry (make enough for 4 freeze three), tomorrow you cook something else (cook 4 freeze 3) then you can build up a selection of "ready meals" you can serve up easier.
I come from the "2 options, eat it or leave it" background, and my husband will eat (or indeed cook) anything that is on our weekly meal plan, so have it very easy really.
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I too think the freezing thing is a good idea. Cooking things in big batches reduces the dirty dishes amount, and the time spent in the kitchen. You can also do that with spicy sauces for your husband to add on his plate after he's served (I'm the one who loves spicy food, and my boyfriend can't stand it, so I add my spices only for myself).
As for the picky eating, don't give up! My bf always said he hated zucchinis, until I made a whole batch of zucchini with spaghetti (and Parmigianino, mind you) that he actually ended up having two servings of 😊 (proud moment!). So you can try make things for you that you like, and encourage your family to have just one small bite, just to see. And, too, trying the things your husband likes, starting small and not too hot.0 -
Food is modular keep everything separate
keep sauces separate from the meat and from the veg .. let people serve them selves from bowls on the table. They can take what they want .. they have the option to "try" something new, just a taste
Its also a good way to bring the family together as you bond over the food.
Yes there will be more clearing up to do afterwards ... but I am sure you can log it as exercise and make out it was really hard work and get a bit of online kudos for it
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Momma's menu selection:
1) What I make
2) See #1
I'm momma.13 -
My spouse is pretty darn picky, but fortunately is appreciative that I make every single meal so she at least tries when something is out of her comfort zone. That being said, I still try to be considerate of her tastes. I will cook food to be rather bland for her, and then after portioning hers out I'll quickly add more spices to mine. If I want a greater variety of veggies than she can really tolerate I'll roast a bunch of options on one pan and take extra of the things she doesn't like and load her up on things she does (for example, I'll take all Brussel sprouts and mushrooms, and give her extra broccoli or an extra starch). If I'm making pasta I'll make my own sauce and then pull 1-2 cubes of my butter-parmesan mix I keep in the freezer prepped for her. It helps to have some things prepped ahead of time, freezer options are great, and try to overlap ingredients as much as possible to avoid extra dishes/work. For your husband I'd try to find an awesome curry powder or pre-make a large batch of a spicy sauce you can throw in ziplocks in the freezer (or ice-cube trays like I do for the butter mix). That way you can just have something ready to add to his meals while keeping the main portion rather bland for you and the kids.2
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My family has perfected the art of compromise. One day of the week I'll make my husbands favorite dish and the next I'll make mine, etc. My husband pretty much hates most vegetables, especially broccoli which I love. But since we compromise, and he knows vegetables are good for him he's a good sport and so am I when it comes to pizza and Mexican food in moderation. I also don't do spicy foods, but he does, so after the meals have been dished out he adds copious amounts of jalopenos to his.4
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Honestly, you eat what I make or you don't eat. I refuse to be a short order cook. Of course, I try to make things that everyone likes, but that isn't going to happen 100% of the time. If I make something that you don't like, you still have to eat it, albeit a smaller portion. For example, 2 of my kids don't like mashed potatoes, so they get a smaller spoonful than every one else. One of my kids doesn't like pizza, so he only has to eat one slice when the other 3 generally eat 2-3 slices. It doesn't help that my husband is a picky eater as well, and thinks that corn and green beans are the only edible vegetables LOL
For the record, I keep a wide variety of breakfast foods on hand and the kids can whatever they want for breakfast and lunch is the same. Trust me, they aren't going hungry.7 -
My dad did most of the cooking and there were a few things that we (me and my three brothers) were fussy about. Generally they were left off the plate of that person (if he remembered), or left. I'm pretty sure my parents had an attitude that they would feed it to us until we either changed our mind, or it had been been 5 or 6 attempts, then they might accept that we might not actually like something properly, and not just being fussy for the sake of it. I come from a family of "if you don't like it, there's bread and cheese". This also extended to our friends who came for tea (something a couple of my friends took up once, much to my surprise.).
Anyway, after that rambly bit of stuff here's my actual advise, you have two strategies:
Toughen up
- Don't make different meals for everyone
- Cook meals that you like first
- Be resilient when trying something new, sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. Sometimes it takes a couple of tries at it to get used to it.
- If someone doesn't like something on their plate, they don't have to eat it, there's nothing wrong with putting it in a tub
- If someone hasn't eaten something, don't replace it with something else. If they are hungry later, then they should've eaten what you cooked for them (and if you put it in a tub, that option is still open for them)
Be accommodating
- If you know that somebody doesn't like a particular item, cook it less, or try cooking it in a different way
- Make very similar base meals, but have one part that you can swap out if desired (eg, if you're cooking fish with rice and veg, you can swap the fish out for baked chicken.)
- Pop some precooked spice mix in the freezer and add to your husbands meals separately just before serving
- Introduce people to making their own food if they don't like what's on offer
Both of these two strategies can work quite well together, at the end of the day there is always a bit of compromising to be had, but you shouldn't feel bad about picky eaters being picky. If they don't like it, they always have the option of cooking themselves3 -
mutantspicy wrote: »
Yep! My grandmother raised me, she taught me well. Oh, you don't like what I made...starve, eventually everyone will get hungry enough. Grandma doesn't mess around, even Grandpa acknowledged that while he was the man of the house, he was not the boss.4 -
Thank you everyone for your responses. Everyone's advice has been insightful. I guess I should toughen up and let the people in this household know that I'm the boss from now on. If you think how much effort and time certain meals need, I really shouldn't give them room to complain every day.1
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Due to my work hours, my husband does most of the cooking for our girls and himself, also some for me, though I often take it to eat at work. At the moment, I need to eat a lot as I am very active. He is a stay at home dad, and the kids are on holidays so no walking to school, so he isn't eating so much. When he isn't so sore (bad back) he eats more on weight training days.
Our girls are almost 12 and just turned 9. The 12 year old is autistic and a fairly fussy eater. Though she can be easier to feed. She likes plain foods, potato is her only real vegetable, but she enjoys garlic and herbs, some spices. She is at a healthy weight, so her care team have just said to keep going. The main thing is she eats. The little one is growing fast in height, but is probably underweight. She doesn't like potatoes, or creamy sauces, but loves a range of fruit and veggies.
We do sort of cater for them, but in a way that works for us. I make mac n cheese once a week, which my eldest loves, gets two meals out of it, sometimes one. We all like spaghetti bolognese , so that's a regular item. Tonight sausages and mash potato for one, baked beans for the other. They both love rice and sausages, with veggies for the veggie eater. We have lasagna in the freezer, frozen pizza when on special. Both girls need the calories. The little one is getting right into pizza , and experiment with toppings. The eldest wants to try a more vegetable base on her cheese pizza. Eggs are a staple, as is cereal, bread cheese etc. Any veggies I put in my salads, I give to the little one as snacks. Usually not so much at dinner, because they fill her up. We also try and incourage dessert. Tonight they had hot chocolate made with just milk. They eat more than just listed and both are slowly eating more variety.
I like the ideas people have given you. You want to make it stress free on everyone, especially the cook. The hard part for me, is getting everyone's intake appropriate. Especially kids who can vary day to day. But yeah leftovers are your friend.2 -
I have to say that my dd will just not eat- and has been 20 lbs underweight- so telling her to eat what I make or starve is not a good idea. Letting her help plan meals, eat only part of the meal, make her own sandwich or something is a better approach for us.
I would totally expect an able adult to eat what is served or prepare their own food though.0 -
Sounds familiar. All I can say is, it’s hard and you almost have to expect to be disheartened, but keep trying different things - great suggestions here. I’d add that it’s only going to last a few years. The kids will get older, start teaching them to make their own meals and at least fruit and veggie snacks now. My daughter started making mac and cheese, pasta, and chicken and bean quesadillas, and cutting her own veggies for snacks at 9 or 10 years old.0
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Thankfully my husband and two oldest kids aren't super picky. They all are willing to eat a lot of healthy foods, but my youngest daughter (age 5) is super picky. It's so hard to get her to eat anything that isn't junk food, cheese, peanut butter, or bread. She won't eat meat, fruit. or most veggies. I've had to get creative with mixing veggies into the few meals she will eat so she doesn't realize she's eating them.0
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Momma's menu selection:
1) What I make
2) See #1
I'm momma.
That's the rule in our house. I'm willing to be flexible with breakfast or lunch a bit (during the summer), but dinner is whatever we make. If you want something different you better make it yourself. My picky 5 year old has went to bed without dinner quite a few times (and no snack after dinner if you don't at least attempt to try the food you claim you don't like).3 -
Sounds familiar
As I have a husband who prefers fatty, cheesy stuff and two kids who doesn't like the same things
I wish it was easy to toughen up, but that might not fix everything right away.
I usually ask the family for input when i make the meal plan for the week...and often add their ideas. If they dont like the meal, they can have something that doesn't have to be prepared instead. (we always have rye bread and oat meal in the cup boards)
I dont cook special orders, what I have done, is to serve most meals split up, so you have protein, starch, sauce, veggies, condiments (chili oil, pesto, mayo, ketchup) seperately. And I almost always serve vegetables with our dinner
For example:
Today we are having hot dogs. I'll have 1 hotdog and some salad/ carrots. Had my daughter been home, she would have tuna in her hotdog as she doesn't eat sausages
Yesterday we had buttermilk desert for dinner (Danish summer tradition)- I had apples in my portion to get it ore filling for less calories
Monday we had pulled pork burgers...I had a small bun, some meat and an extra large serving of slaw (mine isn't very fatty). My son doesn't like pulled pork or coleslaw, he had some salami in the burger, and carrots next to it.
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rikkejohnsenrij wrote: »Sounds familiar As I have a husband who prefers fatty, cheesy stuff and two kids who doesn't like the same things
I wish it was easy to toughen up, but that might not fix everything right away.
I usually ask the family for input when i make the meal plan for the week...and often add their ideas. If they dont like the meal, they can have something that doesn't have to be prepared instead. (we always have rye bread and oat meal in the cup boards)
I dont cook special orders, what I have done, is to serve most meals split up, so you have protein, starch, sauce, veggies, condiments (chili oil, pesto, mayo, ketchup) seperately. And I almost always serve vegetables with our dinner
For example:
Today we are having hot dogs. I'll have 1 hotdog and some salad/ carrots. Had my daughter been home, she would have tuna in her hotdog as she doesn't eat sausages
Seriously curious, not snarky. Is this "tuna in her hotdog" like the other recent thread in which those of us in the U.S. learned that in Britain, if it's in a burger roll, it's a burger, even if it's chicken? Or is just a typo and you meant "tuna in her hotdog bun"?
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mutantspicy wrote: »
Yep! My grandmother raised me, she taught me well. Oh, you don't like what I made...starve, eventually everyone will get hungry enough. Grandma doesn't mess around, even Grandpa acknowledged that while he was the man of the house, he was not the boss.
I seem to recall 3 rules or so
1. You have to eat at least one bite-IOW, if Mama serves your plate you don't have to finish your plate
2. If you take seconds, you finish them (sometimes for breakfast)- IOW, if you serve your plate, you will finish your plate
3. If you don't like it, fix something different-Obviously applies to older children
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Apologies if this has already been said:
Option 1: you decide what's for dinner and everyone eats it or goes hungry. Rotate favourites throughout the week so everyone gets their fav at some point.
Option 2: You cook for 2 people, your husband cooks for 2 people. If he likes his spice then he adds it at or near the end. It sounds like you and daughter are similar in taste so that's you sorted - your husband can step his game up and be part of the solution not part of the problem.
Option 3: there is no option 3. Be stronger about this, you have a valid arguement and you're valued in your household - have the strength to make this happen for your own health and wellbeing.1 -
Apologies if this has already been said:
Option 3: there is no option 3. Be stronger about this, you have a valid arguement and you're valued in your household - have the strength to make this happen for your own health and wellbeing.
Not just her own well being, the well being for everyone in the house. Not liking vegetables or fruit and only eating processed foods/simple sugar is a recipe for a very short life.
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